"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Update On "Mr. Nice Guy" And New Jdate Guy Keeps Changing Plans

OK I am really frustated. Two things have happened for me with Jdate men since I last wrote.

Yesterday, I logged into my account and low and behold, the guy that wrote to me about dating a woman for a week and feeling unavailable to new Jdate connections was back on Jdate. I guess "Mr. Nice Guy" forgot that you can see the last log in of anyone. This was three days after I received his email, which I will post again here for you:

"Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner. As it turns out, over the past week I've started seeing someone pretty regularly, and suddenly find myself feeling unavailable in terms of new JDate connections... Nevertheless, for the time being I'm feeling the need to pursue this other relationship to see where it leads, but for what it's worth, I really appreciated your emails, and I wish you the best of luck in the crazy JDate mating dance!"

So I sent him an email asking what the deal was. Before I post his answer let me just tell the male readers out there that THIS is what infuriates women. This narcissistic attitude from men. Did he REALLY think I would cry my heart out after one round of email exchange if I never heard from him again? Or was this his attempt at making me think he was so darn sweet and kind after only one round of email between us, by telling me how dedicated he is to this new girl, so that when he dumps her ass and then wants to take a ride with me I will remember his kind sweet caring words and say yes?!?! (Which I guess I initially fell for since I did post about it earlier in the week. STUPID ME!)

I guess he just forgot how easy it is to catch a liar in the internet age. I am so sick of men like this. I can tell you right now that women in not so great relationships stay because they know that THIS is what is out there waiting for them. Personally if those are my ONLY two choices (which I have to hold out hope it ain't) then I would rather stay single until I die!

Anyway this is what the asshole wrote back:

"Anyway, the "new lady" and I have seen each other a few times over the past few weeks, but over the weekend we had one of those marathon dates that started with dinner on Friday and kept on rolling until Sunday night. So yeah, things actually did change quite a bit in just three days. To be honest, it isn't an exclusive relationship at this point, and I'm still continuing a few other JDate connections and conversations which have also been ongoing for the past few weeks. That's why I've still been online. Nevertheless, I'd like to see how this current situation develops, and feel it would be best not to pursue additional new connections in the interim. I'm sorry for the timing on this, and hope you don't feel that I've been bullshitting you, as that's not my intention at all. "

Get caught and slightly change your story. Smacks of a DTM!

I think this loser says it all in his own words. He is seeing this one woman a lot. She is obviously into him and thinks he is just as into her as she is for him or she would not give a marathon weekend and I am sure all these other emails are happening behind her back unbeknownst to her.

Such lack of character. At least I am not involved with this man THIS TIME!

Now here's the other situation and I hope you will all give me some feedback and advice. Another guy has contacted me and he is cute and smart and seems very sweet. I spoke with him on the phone. I really enjoyed our conversation a lot. We have exchanged some emails off the Jdate site as well.

We initially made plans for NEXT Saturday afternoon since I am already meeting two guys this weekend and do not have time for him. I did not say this to him in this way. I politely told him I was already booked. BUT then I get an email asking me if I could meet him Monday or Tuesday night instead. At first I thought this was kind of sweet, that he would want to move up the date. Perhaps I am projecting but I thought maybe he realized I had other dates and didn't want to lose out on meeting me should I decide to see one of these other men again. So I agreed to Monday night.

Tonight I got another email. Very sweet again BUT now he is asking me if Tuesday would be ok if the weather is not good on Monday night. UGH! Now I am starting to get annoyed. Just what is the deal here? Is he indecisive or is he just trying to see if I am going to be available whenever it fits his needs etc...

I wrote him back that unless they are forecasting snow let's keep Monday as many people are asking for my time.

I can't help but feel I am being tested to see if I will jump to a man's request for my time and be too available as I was for DTM. I refuse to get myself into another relationship like that again EVER! If you cannot make a plan and stick to it then ADIOS. If he asks to change the day again I think I will have to just move on, no matter how much I started to like him as a person.

Please tell me your thoughts on this!!!!!!


Barbara said...

My thoughts:

Most men on dating sites are creeps.
Oh, but you already knew I thought that :) Notice I said MOST not all.

I think guy number one is a total creep and player...I feel sorry for the girl he had the marathon weekend with since obviously he's still scamming for someone else on-line.

I think men keep their options open always waiting for "someone better" to come along.

Guy number two....I still think he's probably a nice guy. I don't know why the date switching thing though...is that a game, is it because he's nervous or anxious or what? Its hard to say but try to keep an open mind ok? Don't let these other idiots taint your view of this guy. Asking to switch a date could be totally innocent if he's just nervous or anxious (maybe he has a fear of snow?)

The most difficult thing, imo, is to not allow yourself to become bitter towards all men because of the majority of assholes out there. Sadly, its very very very hard not to. I became (am?) bitter because of the way I have been treated by the last FOUR guys I dated.

Hang in there, Lauren!

Lauren said...

Thanks Barbara. I did check weather.com after I hit the trigger and said let's keep Monday unless they are forecasting snow and low and behold, it says rain/snow. As far as being afraid of snow, WELL then I think he had better leave the NY/NJ area. HA!

So Update: I just emailed him and said "BOOGER! They are forecasting snow. Let me see what I can do to move my schedule around in case we need to keep Tuesday open for you."

I am doing my best not to let the jerks color how I am with the possible nice ones.

Thanks for reminding me of that. I do need to be kept in check with that. :-)