"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Love Notes For My Friends

"What a wonderful miracle, if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant." -- Thoreau

For Brian, Robert, Drowsy, & Barbara.

I'd like to start a new Meme. And I am tagging those that I listed above. Post a quote that speaks from and to your heart and dedicate it to at least three other bloggers. Simple!

Understanding Woman And Men

I found this post, Understanding Women, by way of reading another post over at Observations From The Back 40 and I really think it is worth sharing. It sums up how I feel about what I'd like to find in a partner. I am even thinking about printing it out and handing it to the next fellow to see what transpires...the next time I find myself with the opportunity.

It really seems to me that at the age that I am, and at the age of the men I am dating who are still single and never been married, this is a concept they just do not seem "to get" and at the first sign of this miscommunication they high tail.

I have often thought there ought to be a class that men go to for this kind of knowledge. One of my goals for 2008 is to understand men better. I think it is a worthy goal. There is just one itty bitty problem with it, and that is that it takes two.

Well please go read that post.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

From The Male Room

By Brian Jude

Ever feel like you've been completely overwhelmed by the stressors of life? So much so that your mind and body completely shuts down for a moment, and you can't help but wonder why you're stuck in an impossibly difficult situation? Or worse, does it lead to frustration that makes you say and do things that you regret?

This is a situation that happens to me from time to time, and I know I'm not alone. Some people handle it differently, the severity of the reaction can vary, but it happens to all of us at one time or another nonetheless.

I recently had a complete emotional explosion and subsequent meltdown. I attributed it to a combination of being overwhelmed by the intensely full plate of my daily schedule, some interpersonal struggles with friends and colleagues and evaluating my financial situation, coupled with a recent lack of sleep and exercise. It was not a pretty sight, and I really am amazed that my wife has the love, patience and understanding enough to not leave me because of it. As I mentioned - it happens to all of us, and I'm very fortunate that she understands that.

After I recovered, I began to look for the bigger picture - not only how to prevent this kind of situation, but what life lessons can be learned from it. One thing is for sure, I know I have to teach myself how to not get so frustrated and overwhelmed so that I can teach my son to do the same. Already I've seen the same tendencies in him. Granted, tantrums are commonplace for a toddler, but I know that now is the time for him to develop the skills on how to end tantrums on his own, before they become meltdowns as he grows older.

I've also learned that it's not the money problems, it's not the work overload, it's not personal & professional relationships, or any of that combined - it's my approach to it. The situations will always change, and it doesn't matter how easy or difficult they are - the challenges will always be there. The only thing I can do is figure out how to be best prepared for them. I've thought that simply anticipating them would be enough. I've learned that it takes the maintenance of mind, body and spirit as well, and that's a portion of my schedule that I cannot afford to sacrifice.

Now the real challenge is putting the lessons I've learned into practice! Once I do, I'm sure my entire life will run much more smoothly. Already this morning I took an hour out for quiet meditation, and I've already accepted the fact that my schedule will need to be adjusted as my day goes by. Somehow, this is very empowering.

Now wish me luck, and I'll do the same for you!

My Dating Haze

Well this blog has turned into quite the confessional of mine...the online expose of the inner workings of the sometimes scatterbrained, oblivious, and completely naive dating life of mine!

While I have my very strong points, dating and understanding this dating concept is just not one of them. And I know this is something that is not only hard to understand from the other person's perspective but also to believe that I should be so daft (Synonyms:
absurd, asinine, baked, bedlamite, bonkers, cracked*, crackers*, crazy, daffy*, demented, dopey*, flaky*, foolish, fried*, idiotic, inane, nuts, nutty*, ridiculous, screwy*, silly, totally baked, unbalanced, unhinged*, unsound, wacky, whacko*, witless)in this arena at all.

Alas, it is true though. I have never been a dater. And quite frankly since I began "dating" at the age of 16 the rules have changed dramatically. The concept of what dating is, I should clairfy, has changed in such a dramatic way over the last 5 or so years. I think shows like Sex in the City and other similar ones have contributed to this social change.

Good, bad or ugly, lucky or not so luckily, I have always either been in a relationship or in nothing. So I have never learned the rules, what is expected, normal and acceptable or not in this dating world. I plead ignorance!

Many of you who come and read and comment seem to agree with me about what I expect from men when I date them. However, there is obviously a very different POV out there that I have to figure out.

I spoke in depth with a client of mine, last night, who is still in her 20's but has always dated under these newer rules that I did not start out dating under. What did she think about the issue of being walked to the door or suggesting that we go back to my neighborhood to continue the date? Her views were very interesting and thoughtful and I really appreciated what she had to say and offer me and the time she took to speak with me about this.

Here's what I learned: right or wrong most men are going to think that if you invite them back to the area you live that you are suggesting sex or sexual outcomes. However, she was in total agreement that even if that was the thought, and even if that was what I was implying, that men -- mature minded men, also should know that up to the last minute the offer can be rescinded and that they cannot get all bent out of shape if that happens or hold it against you.

She went on to tell me that the bringing you home to your door thing is a bit tricky because most people just expect that you will get home on your own and that as long as a guy either walks you to the train or sees you into a cab that is ok and acceptable. She did however, acknowledge that if both parties are dating each other with the intention of meeting a lifelong mate (not a guarentee that you two will be), then it could be understandable that the guy is expected to see you to your door, because at that point in your lives you both need to show that you will extend yourself to the other to make their life more pleasurable and easier, and that it isn't about knowing you can get home fine on your own.

She continued to tell me that before she goes out on a date with a guy, she picks a time in her head that she will be comfortable leaving and getting home on her own and when that time comes she explains that she needs to go home and that is that. This way, she doesn't have to feel uncomfortable with that person when or if it gets too late at night and not particularly safe to walk the streets from the train, home or be in an awkward position of feeling that person should offer to take her home.

So I guess I have some adjusting to do whether I agree or not with the rightness of the situation.

I have decided that upon meeting the next man who wants to go out on a date with me, that the date should be during the day, since we will meet somewhere and I cannot expect to be picked up or dropped off in any manner, although they might offer, and I have been offered, and that a first date should be simple and last about an hour.

Why an hour only on a first date? Well, in talking with this young woman and also reading up and watching some experts on television talk about all this, I realized that a man is going to ask you out again on a second date purely based on what you look like physically. Are you physically attractive to him? I have been asked out on many second dates. I don't need to waste more than one hour with a guy to get to a second date with him. Most likely it will happen. If he asks me for more time after that hour, then it is a good way for me to know he is interested and he can get that extra time on that second date.

Second date comes, and the questions, albeit done in a slick sneaky manner usually start to fly at me to see if I think the same ways they do about whatever seems to be important to them. Being the mostly open-minded person that I am, I just answered thinking nothing of it. I personally do not expect nor require that the person sitting across from me completely share my views, only that he be tolerant and hopefully open to what I am sharing. I have often found myself giving good thought to what someone else had to say that I had never thought about considering previously, and sometimes I have even, dare I say it, changed my mind. However, I have learned the hard way, that most men do not share this ability with me.

So, next time I am on a second date and I believe the firing squad has started, my answer will be that I will answer anything that they are willing to answer first. Then I can see where their ideas and thoughts are and either shut my mouth or agree with them, but give them nothing to eliminate me with. (Well at least I hope I can pull that off.)

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

With All The Drama I Almost Forgot Wordless Chicken Tuesday

With Permission from Candace Craw-Goldman

Who Would Have Thunk It?

There has been a lot of chatter about cults lately due to the Tom Cruise issue the media has been following. Here is a good article at Time Magazine to read about that particular group.

Sadly DTM, one of the men from my recent dating history, was/is involved in a cult, which is really just an organization that uses mind control, that people fall into believing because it makes them feel as though they have a purpose; the purpose to purify and prepare people for the "next civilization."

This group/cult he is/was involved in, as with any other cult, teaches that all people who decide to leave are spiritually disturbed, misguided, potentially dangerous, and outsiders. Take your pick of words from that list...some are more heavy-handed than others about this.

Inevitably what happens is that these organizations take advantage of those who are poorly read on many subjects such as in their own religions, spirituality or just simply the history and background of religions. Making it far too easy to selectively omit teachings that would negate their claims.

They will push their own literature and stear you away from numerous "outside" sources. The problem with this is that people have a right to make an informed decision by hearing all sides. And don't be fooled that only stupid people fall prey to these groups. DTM is a very intelligent person who is highly regarded in the corporate world, and yet when I left him two months ago he was seriously contemplating giving up his apartment, his independent life, all his belongings and moving into this commune. (This commune is not free incidentally! Quite the contrary)

This particular cult he is/was involved with manipulated the social psychological study done years ago that showed how women become more attracted to men who were already with an attractive female. It showed that being able to get a date with an attractive female made men more desireable to other women. This study is used to justify the idea of group sexual functions, and a commune built around the idea of sexual open experimentation and swapping.

And at the core, that is what a cult does: take a truth and wrap a lie around it, to get you to follow them.

What man wouldn't have his curiousity piqued just a little at the thought that in participating in a society where it is encouraged to have numerous sexual partners, it will bring them even more women who want to be with them? Very smart marketing if you ask me.

And that is truly what these groups are about...not religious faith, dogma and spirituality but rather devoted following through slick marketing tactics, to acquire your money and loyalty.

Barbara Ann Brennan writes in her book Hands of Light on page 73, "The mutual letting go into deep communication through giving and receiving in sexual intercourse is one of the main ways humanity has of deeply letting go of the ego "seperateness" and experiencing unity. When done with love and respect for the uniqueness of your mate, it is a holy experience culminating from the deep primordial evolutionary urges of mating on the physcial level and the deep spiritual yearnings of unity with the Divine."

This particular cult of course does not teach that part of the lesson. They only use the study and another truism in spirituality as a justification to support the group sexual activities and swapping that a "person's sexuality is connected to his life force and if that part of the body is blocked it will lower the person's physical and sexual vitality" (Barbara Ann Brennan, Hands of Light, p 73)

There is NO balance in what they teach. They tip the scale in their favor. They have no choice but to leave out critical information. They are master manipulators.

Some people use the counter argument that all religions are cults. I think that is just another manipulation. Agreed, there is a fine line, but it is time to use critical thinking to know what is ok and what is not ok to participate in.

A Little Comic Relief Is Needed Today

Here are the 12 most awesomely ridiculous Ebay auctions.

  1. The CB-6000 Male Chastity Contraption
  2. The World's Largest Lite-Bright
  3. Movie Character Bicycle Siren W/ Light Up Eyes
  4. Nickelback Shot Glass
  5. Chocolate Flavored Nipple Spread - With Applicator
  6. Barack Obama- Digital Political Pop Art
  7. American Raccoon Penis Bone
  8. Used Breast Implants
  9. Hologram Jesus
  10. Old Playboy Magazines
  11. The Seanut
  12. Invisibility

Oh the snarky comments I could make about these. HEEHEE!

The Things I Overlooked

  • He criticized from out of the blue when any discussion might lead to him not getting his way.
  • Never complimented me.
  • He often became defensive; when I complimented him he became very uneasy and would reply I was fishing for compliments. He told me I should not need compliments and be more independent and know I am hot on my own.
  • He constantly would find faults with my statements. He asked me a lot about previous relationships. In my opinion, way too much at this point of knowing each other. While I often do not want to speak about past relationships with new men, because they are my past, I did mention something that was said to me from the one and only man I ever found myself in-love with and he put me and that man down and said that he didn't believe that what that man said to me was true. This happened on the first date after sitting with him for less than one hour.

On the third and LAST date, where he invited himself to my home, which I didn't mind, but at the same time found a bit nervy the way he went about creating this date, I did my best, as I always do to look on the positive side of things and behave accordingly. At one point I let myself be comfortable with him as he sat on one end of my tiny couch and I on the other. I lay my legs over his and established some body contact. He took one of my feet in his hands and began to massage it. But then the lame comments started to fly. First he told me how he isn't good at massage and then immediately and with a twinge of annoyance bit at me that "you can massage my foot too you know!"

The shock of that moment...the stun of the comment and the tone. I felt stupid now. Again he was telling me I should have known something that he wanted and let me know just how off I was in knowing.

A repeat of a moment I had on my first date with DTM when we sat on a bench, late at night, kissing deeply, he running his hands in my hair and me enjoying that moment, letting him do so and then BAM! I was admonished for not running my hand over his almost shaved bald head. "Don't you want to touch my head?!?!"

Here's the problem with men who behave this way: you can't always know their motives. According to Authors Aumiller and Goldfarb of How To Know When You Are Dating A Loser, you need to know if the criticisms are to help you, not him. They explain, if you are important to him he will be willing to help you do something that he wishes you would not do at all, he should be able to put his needs before yours, he should be able to accept criticism as well and not get defensive and will also change accordingly as you have been willing to do to make him comfortable in the relationship.

In the case of the Mad Scientist I truly believe he needs someone to blame for his miseries and failures where he doesn't try. And I said THAT to him loud and clear. "You didn't even try. You made assumptions and didn't give me the chance to prove you right or wrong! I was convicted before trial."

I read about this after I made the call last night and so I find a bit of comfort in the confirmation that the Authors agree that I should have "told him point-blank" about his criticism of his past girlfriends, me for not being a mind reader, his put downs when I was being playful and happy as fishing for compliments and doing so knowing he would not change but that I needed to do that out loud "to regain my self-respect."

And he behaved EXACTLY as the Authors stated, "turning around, criticizing me for not handling his criticism well and for being critical of him" And he is a bit of what they call the "Burdended Beast", in that this Mad Scientist doesn't let a relationship have normal disagreements and holds onto problems and arguments trying to make me the cause of his pain.

Here's my problem as I see it written by these Authors, I am witty, cute and UNDERSTANDING. I am too damn understanding! All these things happened and I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt: "men can be nervous at the beginning", "But he was so sweet about...", "He must like me because he asked me out again."

There will always be miscommunication in any relationship. I was taught by more than one expert, that we should test men at the begining by throwing him a speedbump and seeing how he behaves and reacts. I was taught that it isn't the miscommunication that should be the factor but how someone behaves about it that is critical and key. A great example of this is found on Robert's site. Melanie asks him what he is thinking, and he tells her matter of factly that he thinks her idea they are discussing is good and that she has a great ass. Hysterical! I love it! I truly love it. Of course that wasn't what she was really asking, but that was what he was thinking and so he said it.

Unfortunately in my case, the focus would then become about how we miscommunicated rather than how it was handled in the moment...on and on and freaking on! UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH! Where do they grow these men!?

When I left him a voice mail telling him I made a mistake in my schedule and could not keep the day date he planned for us last Saturday but could reschedule for Sunday or the NEXT Saturday night, his reaction was so poor and I felt that crummy feeling you read about in books, in the pit of my stomach. He was so unnerved and confused and upset when he called me back. He told me he didn't understand what I was saying, was I saying I was free that night or was I talking about the next weekend...and he didn't want to reschedule on Sunday, not because of supposed plans with his sister as I was told about previously, but because the forecast was of windy cold weather and he didn't want to be out in it. I can't convey the tone I received but it was of upset and angst and desperation.

I truly truly want to see the good in the men I meet and go out with and it is because of that spirit I wish to carry in me that I avoided all these facts with all of you before and with myself as well. I want to meet someone who will accept me for who I am and what I am, faults and all and I know that to be accepted in that way I must also do the same. And so I let these things go, thinking they would not continue, hoping they would not continue and that this man would soften up and we would start to connect better.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Mad Scientist And Lauren Do Mutual Dumping

Well I took some advice from Robert and pushed the issue and made a phone call. And what came out of that call sent my temper flaring!

I am so angry that I gave this man another chance after that horrible scene he created at the bar that HE suggested we go to at all, when I made it clear I would not be having sex with him.

How dare he tell me tonight that it was how I handled things! "You could have said to me, listen I have a couch and you can sleep on it." That is what he is telling me. This is about me!? I am so sick to death of meeting men like this, that when they behave badly and I am forced to say NO, I am somehow the bad one, the one in the wrong for how I handled the situation. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???????????????????????????????????????????

He then went on to tell me that someone (me) who is supposedly so empathetic should have known what he was feeling and thinking, at that moment enough to offer him my couch and the fact that I didn't know that was what he thought showed just how "off" we are.

Do I really need to list the definition of empathy here for him? I do not think the listing in the dictionary of empathy will state MIND READER.

And he has the audacity to tell me he asked two friends about that situation and they both told him, one being a woman, that he had every right to think I was inviting him for sex.

Yes, this is correct, you had every right to think what ever you wanted. It wasn't the thought that was so offensive!

Oh Mad Scientist, skinny Beanpole, whitest see through flesh, walk like Herman Munster freak of a being, that I kid you not, sometimes talks like Rainman, who took me on the lamest second date to an arcade and made no attempt to make me feel comfortable or be playful with me and then exclaimed, "This place sucks, let's leave," and then suggests we go to a bar, on a second date, in Times Square no less...after having dinner with me where all you did was ask me about what I thought about how you broke up with your last girlfriend this past summer, and was it ok to do it on the phone or wait till you see her in person, to which I had to tell you, "I feel like you are asking me to teach you how to break up with me," yes yes, I can see just where you would have thought that my suggestion that we go back to the neighborhood I live in would be my way of saying let me fuck your skinny white ass brains out!

But I digress...
I called him and we chatted friendly and then the awkward moment came. And it was too late to turn back and it was obvious we had to tell each other this wasn't working.

But what made me so angry more than all the rest is that I feel very lied to. What I learned is that he was completely holding back, that he refused to have conversations with me because he deemed that they would turn into confrontations because we think differently about life.

This is just a narcissist packaged in a different set of paper! How dare anyone decide what I will think or how I will react for me! This was never about me. This is all about how he is incapable of having a relationship that is an equal give and take, and how he needs to be in control of someone else's reactions and thoughts.

Yes, I ended up raising my voice and yes, he told me how I don't listen and haven't been listening. OH YES, that's right, I AM THE ONE THAT HASN'T LISTENED. HMMM...that would require that YOU MAD SCIENTIST had anything to say and share. But you did not. You didn't share and then you beat me up for it and told me how I would be and defined me. So YES, I am steamed and pissed. And to you I say go to hell!

And by the way, if you ever find this blog, let me tell you something...the last date we had, your breath smelled like rotten corn, and your hair smelled oily and horrible and I couldn't believe you at 41 didn't know this about yourself.

I gave you a chance because I wanted to convince myself that you were indeed nice. And to some extent you were. But the truth it that as my very good friend Rob once told me many years ago, any man that won't wait for sex, that makes a big nasty stink about not getting sex for any reason, is just fucking with your head and isn't interested in you as a person and to dump him that moment. So even more than I am angry with you for lying to me, I am angry with myself for not going with my gut instinct and telling you to go take your right hand and have a good time with yourself that night, and to figure out how to find your way to the train.

Yes, folks I walked home at 1am ALONE one mile because poor Mad Scientist didn't know where he was and couldn't figure out how to walk to the subway or look up and see the bus stop in front of his face! And yes, he had the nerve to tell me that one of the philosophies that we disagree on, and he feels was an argument between us, is that I feel a man should see a woman to her door after a date and he doesn't, YET he felt it was my responsibility to make sure he found his way to the train that night. This is NOT a nice guy. Yes, I was mature enough to tell him before we made the third date plans, that I cannot go out with a man who doesn't want to make sure I get home ok. I did this calmly and matter of factly. But I was told bluntly tonight on this pathetic break up call, that it was an argument. So to this person, a difference is an argument.

OK so be it. I didn't find him physically very attractive. Especially that pirate hoop earing. Last I checked it wasn't 1985. I found his brain attractive, in the book sense. I really really really liked that. I found that very hot. I found the rest very unattractive and even worse, the fact that he was so pathetic in not taking the lead romantically was a real turn off. And then of course did that 180 out of nowhere thinking he was going to get laid...


Honestly I am relieved this is done! Thanks Robert!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

To Dump Or Not To Dump? What Do You Think?

I am very on the fence about this Mad Scientist. I am so grateful for his presence in my life. He has basically treated me kindly, although showed a temper about the miscommunication on the belief I invited him to my neighborhood to have sex with him. I don't think he is malicious. I don't think he is a DTM at all. I think he is a nice, sweet, well-meaning man.

I also don't think that things are going as they should when two people are attracted to and like each other. I think it is odd that a man who likes a woman looks at his watch for the next train he can catch, and then also talks about the next time they can get together.

I also think that it is NOT a good sign when the bloke is still logging into JDate every damn day and changed his profile 13 days ago as well. I am no longer a member so I cannot see very much when I do log on. I figured that two months was time enough and that it would just be the same people ignoring the same people and better to let my money or lack thereof go to other things for a while.

I can however, log on and look at profiles which will tell you when the last time that person logged on. I can also see who has looked at me and he hasn't looked at my profile to check up on me in the least.

On our Friday date, he made a comment that led me to believe he still in some way blames me for his anger for the entire sex/no sex issue. He certainly doesn't see it as a good sign, that is for sure but worse, attaches this to me and not himself. And that notion just doesn't sit well with me at all. He told me something to the effect that he does get angry at work but usually does not in his personal life.

OH REALLY NOW! Is that so! So I am somehow responsible for how you handle your feelings? It couldn't possibly be something inside of you now, Mr. Mad Scientist and the situation brought it out of you, and not ME???

Well, that really wasn't the reason I am writing this post...I write because I really want your thoughts on whether or not I should put the kabosh on this now before I get hurt or let it play out and see what his next move is, which could very well be to end things anyway.


OK if you saw the movie you understand the title of this post.

Amongst many other tasks today I went to a matinee to see the movie Juno. It wasn't what I expected at all. I thought I was going to see a movie about this young pregnant girl and her boyfriend. NOPE!

I saw a delightful movie about the relationships between people. I'm not going to write about the plot. Maybe you want to see this movie and I really don't feel like writing a book report on this movie for you.

I will tell you that I was intrigued by the characters especially the relationship between Mark and Juno. I think it was very telling.

Relationships are really friggin tricky. Emotions are a bitch sometimes and often we hide behind one emotion to cover for another one that we don't much like or want to admit we feel, because it leaves us feeling naked to the world, or maybe just to the person sitting on the other end of the couch.

But sometimes you have to risk that nakedness for that deeper bond.

What did you think of this movie?

Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Five Worst Online Dating Video Profiles

Watch here

The Mad Scientist Questions

OK I know you are all waiting to hear how this Friday night date went with my scientist. I'd like to know how it went too. I am honestly baffled.

We were supposed to watch a DVD but I could not find the remote to the television, who the heck keeps those anymore when the cable company gives you one that runs the television and the box??? Well apparently you need that stupid remote so that you can tell the television to turn to the DVD signal. So we didn't watch a movie.

What we did was talk the entire night.

I ran around all day getting some nice food items to get us started. I have a great gourmet store near me with the most delicious prepared foods. I bought a cucumber salad, and then walked to the health food store and bought organic cherry tomatos and combined them to make a nice salad. I also had a nice bottle of Yellow Tail Chiraz.

The Thai restuarant was mysteriously closed, which was our plan for dinner. I ordered in sushi and we had the salad and wine while we waited for the sushi to be delivered. We played with my Flip video camera. I have two short shots he and I took. I am tempted to share them but then I would be posting him without his permission and that is karma I am not willing to create.

We talked about renting a movie from the on-demand channel but never got around to it. To be honest I wasn't really in the mood and we didn't have that much time for each other. He let me know before he came over that he could only stay until midnight because he had to get up early the next day for a pinball tournament he was scheduled to participate in.

I had a Micheal Buble CD playing and he asked me to sing. On our first date I had teased him that I would just start singing in the middle of the tiny restaurant. You should have seen the expression on his face, not knowing if I would do it or not. I didn't! But since then he had asked me to sing for him numerous times. So with the disclaimer that I was not professing my love for him, but chose a song I know I do well and happen to love, I put on this CD and sang the duet, Cuando Cuando Cuando. I looked straight into his eyes and sang to him.

He told me I should be on American Idol and I laughted my ass off.

I ran into my bedroom and came out with a gift in one of my hands, behind my back. I had the tiniest little pinball game that I found in a novalty store in Manhatten earlier in the week in one of my hands. I teased him and said choose a hand. Do you know what Mr. Logic said to me??? He said, "Shouldn't you have both hands in front of you while asking me to choose?" (OY VEY! No! No I shouldn't because the damn thing is too big for my hands and will stick out, you big 6ft plus turd! SHUT UP AND CHOOSE A HAND!!!!) Well he chose the hand that was empty. I thought that was funny. He did not. So well eventually I just gave him the little toy. He LOVED IT! He thought it was really cute and I think he liked that I had a little gift for him. He said to me, "This is like a good luck charm for my tournament tomorrow!!!" And I said, "YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS AND WHY I GOT IT FOR YOU!!" I was excited that without having to say anything he completely understood my gesture. HOT FRIGGIN DAMN!!

The rest of the night was him chatting with me about a whole lot of nothing. He loves to talk and I love to listen. But he wants me to ask him questions. Ask me? What am I supposed to KEEP asking him? He knows a lot of useless but interesting facts and stories and I find it facinating to listen to him and how he thinks. But I am not the same as he is. I don't analyze things in the same way he does. Because as I said in an earlier post, he is very logical and I am emotional by nature. So while I enjoy listening to him I have the feeling I bore him to death.

This is a man who worked with a Nobel Prize winner in science not too many years ago. I learned this story listening to him last night. I think that scientist did something with superconductors. Please don't ASK me what that shit is! It is smarty fart stuff that is beyond my comprehension.

Look, I can't be mad. I asked the universe to provide a situation like this for me. I begged for a nice sweet smart guy who wasn't going to be after me for the sexualness between us ONLY. I asked the universe and all of you included, what to talk about on dates, how to talk on dates, and to not be with a guy who treats it like a job interview, with job interview type questions. And that is what I am dating. But this is a "muscle" I have not had to use in a long time and I am frustrated and to be honest nervous. Because I would like to be better enough at this to hold his interest.

Have you ever had one of those dreams where it starts with you being with one person doing something in a place you never saw in real life but feels real to you, and then suddenly switches to being with another person? Well I had one of those last night where I was with him and he dropped me because he found himself smitten with some other woman who was more demure than I. I barely know this Mad Scientist so I do not like having a dream this strong in this way. And too often in my life I have had dreams that either foreshadowed something that was about to happen or were symbols to let me know things I should be working on. Perhaps I am being guided to be more demure with him. ???

Well back to the date. I payed him some compliments. After all he really did look attractive last night. I got him talking in a flirty way with me and this was fun for both of us. I am not going to share the details of that private conversation. Before the next thing happened, he made sure to remind me that he was not a forward type of guy.

About 11:30 last night he starts to tell me how tired he is and should go home. Now look, he has been this way from the start, so I cannot tell if this is that strong logical guy and he means nothing by it or this is just not happening for him. I have always heard and felt myself that the best dates are the ones where you just don't want them to end no matter what. He doesn't show that to me and it seems so important that he be so logical about all his moves that I can't figure this out, or maybe I have and just do not want to admit it to myself?

I convinced him to stay a half hour longer. I told him to lay down and relax with me. He laid down on my new couch and we spooned each other and it felt nice and I could tell he liked it too. I realized I was going to have to be more forward, hence his comment to me about NOT being forward. I turned around and stared at him and finally FINALLY the Mad Scientist softened up and kissed me.

It was short-lived. He was tired and really wanted to get going.

I know I don't want this to be about sex. Having him over wasn't an invite for sex. But there can be a nice tasteful inbetween when dating someone. Show some g-d damn affection! Kissing him felt nice and I wasn't looking for it (kissing) to end so quickly.

It was like being with the male equivilant of the female dick tease. I made a comment in this manner and he laughed hard and told me it was payback for last weekend's situation! HUH?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As he was putting his shoes back on (I have a no shoes in the house rule) he mentioned that we should play the Wii together and he talked about next weekend with me. He said we will talk during the week.


So as you can see from this very matter of fact, tit for tat post, things are going very slow, and are somewhat puzzling for me. I'd like more passion. Not the kind that over takes both people and there is nothing else, but at some point shut up, don't ask me to ask you questions and let's get this chemistry between us fired up. Otherwise we are just friends and I am not interested in that with him.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

In Memoriam Of Emily

12/01/91 - 01/24/07

I have had the blessing of many cats since the age of 12. I have loved each one in a special way. None has ever touched my heart as Emily did. I adopted her from the NYASPCA ironically on 1/25/92. I had her 15 years. I was only at the ASPCA because I had just picked up Olivia from their Vet after her spaying at six months old. I saw an orange marmalade kitten and wanted it dearly. They told me I had to come back because it wasn't ready for adoption. When I returned the exact day they told me to, I was informed they brought that cat to the North Shore Animal League. I turned to the window kittens and saw the most adorable bunch of gray kittens. One in particular, Emily, was so damn cute. She was so playful and I could just feel her abundant energy. I had to have HER! I had to sit and wait to find out if she was the one kitten a Vet on staff had already picked out for himself. Nope! She was mine. I was handed her, so tiny she fit in my tiny hand and there was still room to see my palm. She just sat there with me. She was comfortable. It was meant to be that I find
her that day.

Take a good look at her baby photos and you will see she had the most adorable and HUGE ears, that were too big in comparison for her tiny head. What you can't see is that she always had the biggest back paws. When she sat they would go sideways out from her. She just was the cutest thing you ever did see! She was so tiny that the mark you will see further down on this post, on her back paw looked like a speck of dirt and I remember trying to wipe it off her thinking that is what it was. She had one of the longest tails ever AND until about one year before she passed on, she used to chase it in circles so she could catch it and clean it. So funny to watch! She also had a mouse toy filled with catnip. I loved watching her take it in her mouth, flip it in the air to throw it and then go catch it and do it again. She just was THE most playful cat I have ever seen.

She was full of fleas and at that time (1992) they sent me home with a special shampoo to bathe her. I thought I was a dead woman with this. (Any of you who have cats will understand that!) Again, this sweet little soul, was so trusting and in love with me, she just sat in my palm as I ran her under the warm water in the tub and watched her turn from the most adorable little kitten to an ugly rat looking thing. (sorry Candace!) Her hair just dripping down and looking boney, she just let me do what needed to be done. I dried her little body off with a towel and she loved it. She ran all over my apartment and played and jumped and leaped and just loved life with me from the start. Poor Olivia, she didn't like this creature and she pounced on her. Those first few days I had to protect Emily many times. But they grew to love each other, so long as Emily knew who was boss!

Emily always wanted to sleep with me. I would put her down on my belly or next to me but she, being the soul that she was, knew how cute she was and that she could get away with anything, would always work her way to my ear. She was weaned too early and decided that she was going to suck on my ear. I used to have a video tape of this. I think sadly I trashed it by accident. The things you miss when a loved one has passed! SIGH!!!! When she started doing this she didn't have her teeth yet. She continued after they came in and I had the scabs on my ears to prove it. I couldn't stop her and it became a running joke. I would show all my friends. I just picked her up and would put her to my ear, like a baby to the momma's
teet, and she would latch on and do that thing kitties do with their paws when they are excited, rubbing her scent all over my neck.

Emily was a very social and talkative cat. Those that knew her know she really spoke. You could ask her questions and she would answer you back. If she was hungry and you asked her, "Do you wanna eat?" She would EXCLAIM back at you, "MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP!" For this reason I often called her squeaky. Her meow sounded like Beeker from the Muppet Show. (If you are old enough to remember that show you know what I am talking about.) Everyday that I came home from school or work she would run out from where ever she was and greet me and talk to me with that MEEP MEEP MEEP. I could scoop her up and give her lots of lovin'.

Emily LOVED belly rubs and being brushed. If she was hiding somewhere and I wanted her attention, all I had to do was tap that brush and she would come RUNNING! She was really smart and apparently sneaky. I had no idea until she was almost gone just how much she got into things. Since I had two cats I never knew who did what. Emily knew what, "get down, up up, no, come here, do you want to eat?, lay down, belly rubbies, want a treat? and brushies" meant.

She had the most amazing green eyes you will ever see on a cat. I was never able to fully capture it with any of the crummy cameras I owned. Sadly I didn't own my own video camera, like I do now and I don't have those adorable memories preserved as I wish I did. I am capturing as much of Olivia as I can so I don't have the same regrets some day with her. Emily was loved by every friend that ever met her. She had this special personality you just do not see in cats. It was infectious.

She died one year ago today. I miss her and think of her every day.

The Meaning of Kaddish

Having read the translation of the Kaddish Prayer, one should realize that, although Jewish Law requires that the Kaddish be recited during the first eleven months following the death of a loved one by prescribed mourners, and on each anniversary of the death (the "Yahrtzeit"), and by custom in the State of Israel by all Jews on the Tenth of Tevet ("Yom HaKaddish HaKlali'), there is no reference, no word even, about death in the prayer!

The theme of Kaddish is, rather, the Greatness of G-d, Who conducts the entire universe, and especially his most favored creature, each individual human being, with careful supervision. In this prayer, we also pray for peace - from apparently the only One Who can guarantee it - peace between nations, peace between individuals, and peace of mind.

Paradoxically, this is, in fact, the only true comfort in the case of the loss of a loved one. That is, to be able to view the passing of the beloved individual from the perspective that that person's soul was gathered in, so to speak, by the One Who had provided it in the first place.

As Beruriah, the great wife of Rabbi Meir, consoled her husband, upon the death of their two sons, with words to this effect, "A soul is comparable to an object which was given to us - to each individual, to his or her parents and loved ones, to guard and watch over for a limited time. When the time comes for the object to be returned to its rightful owner, should we not be willing to return it? With regard to our sons, let us therefore consider the matter as 'The L-rd gave, and the L-rd took back, may the Name of the L-rd be Blessed!' "


An English Translation

Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.

May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity. Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for usand for all Israel; and say, Amen.He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Love Seat

Well after 3.5 months I finally bought a couch for my new (smaller) apartment. Tada!

OK really it is a love seat and I LOVE MY SEAT! I am thinking about all the love I can make, have, acquire in my new LOVE SEAT.

It's hard to tell from the cell phone camera photo but the color is wine. Which makes me think about all the whining I will do if I do not get to make tons of love soon in this new Love Seat I bought. I am also thinking about all the wine I will get to enjoy with some love in my new Love Seat.

OK enough silliness from me! :-)

The Mad Scientist asked to come over, this Friday night, with a DVD and watch it with me. I guess all this talk about being chivalrous perhaps got through?? I am not going to begin to believe I understand he got my point. I am just going to HOPE he did with all the talk we had earlier this week about what I expect and am looking for from a mate. If there is one thing I have learned, hard and clear, is that men and women just think differently and although he is coming to me, it may in his mind not have anything to do with what I am hoping sunk into his head. Only spending time with him will let me know. So I am giving him another shot with this Friday night date.

To be honest, I am relieved because I would much rather be here in my apartment watching a DVD with someone and cuddling up than anything else on a date. As always I will report back to you when there is more to report.

Update/Clarification: This date is also NOT an invitation for sex!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Around Manhattan

I had to go into the city today for two appointments. I took my Flip Video camera with me, my new toy I got for Chanukah (thanks MOM!!!) I am still learning how to use the software to edit the videos together and apparently there is a way to make stills from the videos taken, but I haven't figured out how to use either feature. So here are the individual videos for your viewing pleasure.

I thought many of you would get a kick out of watching little clips of what it looks like in Manhattan. Today I was on the East side near 42nd Street. So here is a little bit of what the Famous New York Public Libary looks like. It's been in many Hollywood movies. And now it is in my itty bitty blog movie. You can hear the sounds as well as see the sights.

Just down the block on my way to the subway I realized I had better find a public bathroom before getting on the train or I would be in BIG trouble. I walked into this foofie bakery and made a mad dash for the potty before they could tell me it was only for patrons. I felt guilty and plus I was really hungry since it was almost 3PM and I had not eaten anything the entire day, so I bought the Belgian Brownie. It was NOT worth the price. It tasted like any old brownie to me. At least the presentation was nice.

And then I was off to the subway to make my way home. I took this video to show you what I call condomn heads. It is short because the train was coming and people were suspicious of what I was doing with the camera. Check out the hoodie on his head. CONDOM HEAD! By the way I caught him checking me out numerous times. I walked away from him and he found his way over to me, doing that I'm not looking, look you do when you want to check someone out. I caught his eye a couple of times. He got bashful. Oh well!

And then I was on my way home to Queens. The trip takes about 40 minutes and I wasn't going to bore you with that. But here is one stop. Enjoy the trip. There is no more grafitti on the trains. They have had some kind of chemical that prevents the paint from sticking for many years now. What you are seeing on the windows is called scratching. You don't see that too much anymore, but luckily I found JUST the one train for you to view this.

Logic Vs Emotion

Well folks I think the Mad Scientist is toast. I believe that if he doesn't decide to bail, I will be forced to. Yes, he is a nice person.

But after a phone conversation last night, where I listened to the way he thinks about the situation, and where he was still trying to somehow impose upon me some responsibility for his huge leap in believing I invited him for sex, simply because I suggested we head back to my neighborhood rather than stay in Times Square, I am realizing that this man doesn't posses the skill of understanding the thoughts and feelings of others. He is completely preoccupied with his own conclusions.

And now that I have had time to think about some other parts of the evening and conversations we had and reactions that were pretty damn poor I am seeing a clear pattern. He is a nice guy. He isn't malicous. He is just too damn logical for me.

Sure, logically he lives on one side of Manhattan and I on the other so meeting in the middle to date seems logical right? WRONG! I am not a robot. I am a woman. If you do not already realize this about women, we are looking for the guy who is willing to chase after us, do as much for us, show us that he will go all out. We are not looking for the guy who will do the least. And if coming to where I live is just too much of a problem for you, which takes you a HALF hour further, not even to pick me up, but only to make sure I get home ok, what will you be like later on, when things get deeper? Let's take that big mental leap and say what will you be like when we have kids. I will be just as tired as you all day but you will logic me to death why I should be the one to clean up after them, and pick them up etc.. etc...this is just not how it is supposed to be!!!

And I am realizing that in all our comunications from the start not once did he ever ask me what would make me comfortable or what I might want to do or what might be best for me. NEVER, not once in an email, a call, or in person. I on the other hand have made comments to him on many occassions about his comfort level, what works for him etc...BUT I have also had to tell him I am not comfortable or need something else. And that is where there are ALREADY problems. Maybe I am wrong, but this is how I perceive our situation and how it makes me feel.

Getting back to having time to think about other things that happened that night, when we were at the bar on Saturday, before the bull happened regarding his belief he was invited TO A BAR in my neighborhood for sex with me, he was telling me about a woman he dated for 4 years. He told me she had problems, he winced (which he does a lot by the way) and then he told me he is not with her because the truth is she has emotional problems.

What would you conclude upon hearing that ???

I asked him, innocently and I believe appropriately, "So does that mean you won't be with a woman who has health issues?" Now remember I am hearing that he was with her for 4 years. That is a long time to be with someone and he made it seem like he was with her and then he realized after all that time she had these emotional health issues and left. That is just how it sounded the way he communicated.

He got really annoyed. He only then told me that she was the one who would not commit, not he, due to the emotional issues she had.

How I would have known that from what he said? And why didn't he just say that to me in the first place?

He was really pissed.

What's worse is that I heard myself, MYSELF apologizing. I said "I admit I made a conclusion based on gender stereotypes"

OH NO I DID NOT! But I said it. And now I am kicking myself in the ass for doing that. He was extemely not clear at all and then angry with me when I ASKED him about it. I asked him. Isn't that what you are supposed to do when you are trying to have a relationship with someone, ASK? Aren't you supposed to NOT brush things off but work on communication and ask? Aren't we supposed to be able to miscommunicate and ASK each other to clarify? And aren't we supposed to be able to disagree and still be treated with respect???????????????

He jumped to a very big and bad conclusion about being offered sex and when I had no choice but to say otherwise, what happened? He got extremly angry. He admitted on our call his reactions was over the top and wrong, but still he is saying to me, "come on you didn't hear how you sounded or came off and need to be responsible for how I would think that."

UM NO! You see Mad Scientist, when you grow the hell up, you don't assume these things, you ASK...which is what I did when I wasn't sure what you were saying and needed to understand this about your story. See, when you ASK you get clarification, not misunderstandings and then you cannot BLAME anyone for your embarrasment for YOUR conclusions which YOU made on your own.

He is book smart brilliant! He is people STUPID! He keeps bringing up the relationship of one of his two friends. I don't care what happens with them. And I had to tell him that, although softer. He is emotionally immature and doesn't understand what it takes to be in a real relationship. It is evident from the story and question he told me about this couple who have been together for quite some time.

I believe he is looking for the woman who will do as much for him as possible. Well, sorry Charlie but men are the ones that are supposed to show us they will do as much for us as possible and they need to show us from the start just how much they will do not the other way around.

What kind of nonsense is this that we should meet half way between us and leave alone, early because he is 41 and tired, when he is trying to date me. Not once did he ask me what I needed or wanted as far as that went. He did ask if I wanted to go to the location he picked, but not the time frame or what worked for me in that regard.

He just doesn't get it.

So on this call last night he continues to talk about the next weekend already with me. You'd think that was a good sign and I did too.

But then when you look deeper this is what you hear: I am going to see my parents that weekend, so I could stop by on my way and we could see each other during the day and then I can leave and go to my parents for the rest of the weekend. Ok sounds innocent enough. But wait a second...I am a convenience so why not come by and spend time with me?

Sure makes sense, but that is not how a woman is supposed to be for a man, a convenience.

Here's what he doesn't seem to get, FEELINGS, HOW he makes someone feel. He is thinking too logically. WAY TOO logically for me.

And well he is a scientist. That is how his brain works. He can't possibly understand why I couldn't understand how all this makes sense...meeting geographically in the middle and him needing to go home at a certain hour because he is tired, because it is LOGICAL.

Relatationships aren't logical. They are about emotions, how you make the other feel. So couple that with his very bad temper when you ask normal follow-up questions when he communicates his stories to you and you possibly do not come to the conclusion he wants you to and it seems like a recipe for disaster. This makes me sad. I don't want to break this off with him already, but sadly I think I have no choice.

Monday, January 21, 2008

I Can't Feel My Fingers!

This was me with my BRAND NEW CAR in August. My brother arranged for me to buy it through a site called carsdirect.com. They negotiate everything for you and according to the bro, they have been shown to get the best price when studied by experts. Since I never bought a car before and really hate the hassle, and feel I have enough on my plate to take care of already I went with whatever he offered and I bought my Nisson Versa at some g-d aweful dealership in Jersey City, NJ.

Her name is Pearl!

Well, today I had to move her because I live in NYC, land of alternate side parking and metered parking. Even though it is a holiday here in the United States, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, if you are parked at a meter you still have to pay. Alternate side has been suspended.

Well, since I parked near the subway to go on my date this Saturday night, and since I drank alcohol on that date, I had to walk home from the bar, that was in my neighborhood (-- for which I DID NOT INVITE MY DATE BACK TO FOR SEX - see earlier post if you are confused about this statement)--to my apartment. That meant at some point I had to go get the car and drive it closer to my apartment before the weekend was over.

Being somewhat of a procrastinator, especially when it is winter I waited until late Sunday night to go get the car. I wore my long john underwear bottoms, a sweater top, a hoody jacket, socks, muckluck boots, winter coat, knit hat, gloves, undies of course and I ventured out. The bus stops right outside my building and drives right past where I parked near the subway. How bad could this be, right?

I waited about five minutes for that stupid bus to show up around 9PM last night. I was hopping around to keep warm. Also waiting for the bus was this cute guy who I caught staring at me doing this. He was looking at me like "what a dork that girl is" for hopping around and then all of a sudden I saw him doing the same thing, although a little more muted. HA! I saw you golden boy. You looked like a dork just like me!

By the time the bus came, I could not feel my fingers anymore.

When I got to my car and drove it the one mile back to my apartment there were no regular spots to park the car. It's freaking sub temperature cold out and I can't find a spot to put Pearl. Poor Pearl. She is so pretty. And she has to endure this cold weather outside because I can't afford to pay for off street parking. And now there are no regular non-metered spots available. I find myself following the SUV ahead of me also searching for a spot. I am scewed!

After about 15 minutes of driving I found a metered spot. I don't have to pay until 9:30AM Monday morning. It is across the street from my apartment. Done! Success. By the time I make it out of my car and back to my building I can't feel my fingers again. Thank g-d I have good heat in my apartment, unlike Drowsey.

But alas, I must move the car again in the morning...which I just did.

My fingers still hurt and I have been back home for at least 45 minutes. Even my feet hurt. I love NY. I hate the cold. But as Drowsey writes on her post today, I feel blessed for the things I do have. It ain't much but I am blessed.

I have a cute apartment in a great neighborhood and the heat is fantastic. I have good neighbors that don't bother me or make tons of noise. I have a great cat, Olivia, who is almost 17 years old! I have a warm bed and clothes on my back. I am building my career and doing work I love. I have amazing blog friends who welcomed me in the WARMEST of ways in such a short period of time! What could be better than that?????

Sunday, January 20, 2008


Drowsy's at it again. Damn woman! I think you need to let go of that last cup of coffee. You are just a caffeine machine that never looses steam! :-)

She's tagged me in this blogger game called "I'm Quirky". OY VEY! As if my entire blog isn't one big confessional quirkfest.

So here are the rules:

Link to the person that tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

6 non-important things/habits/quirks about myself:
  1. I watch way too much television.
  2. I have to rinse my cups and dishes before I will use them, even if you think they are clean. The idea that any soap might be left from washing ...
  3. I've never let anyone take naked photos of me and never will.
  4. I have to sleep with one foot outside of the blankets.
  5. I love shoes but I hate shoe shopping.
  6. I have to fall asleep with the television on unless I am in a relationship with someone and sleeping next to them.

Here are those I am tagging:

Observations From The Back 40
Olga The Traveling Bra
Pieces of Perplexio Pie
Special Kind Of Stupid
Writing From The Inside Out

I don't have a sixth blog at this time. If you want to be tagged let me know. ;-)

My First Blog Award!

Barbara awarded me this on her blog. I am really touched. This is the first one I have gotten and it is made even more special because it is from one of the nicest sweetest souls g-d has put here on this earth!

I am supposed to give it out to 10 other blogs I like as well. I'm not sure I know of 10 other blogs I really love. Barbara's blog and Drowsey's are my favorites. These two are the blog equivalent of eating Lays Potato Chips with Chocolate Ice Cream, the perfect combination of salty and sweet! YUMINS! And there are a handful of very close seconds. Am I allowed to send this back to you Barbara?

Well, I am going to take some time to think about the other eight and update this post later. I've also been tagged in a quirky game from Drowsey so I need to start thinking about that too. I have a minor hangover and need to take care of that first.

Barbara you are the coolest blogster on the block baby!
Consider yourselves awarded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Am So Mortified! HELP!

It is 2AM. I am a little drunk. I usually don't drink on dates but well...

We went to Dave and Busters and it wasn't as good as the site made it seem. Many games were not even there to play and well I am just a total spaz anyway! So Jdate bloke says lets go. We spoke about what we should do, if he wanted to continue the date. We agreed to continue. Since we were in Times Square, which I really do not care for at all and it is so expensive and he suggested going to a bar, I innocently, and I want to stress this to all of you INNOCENTLY, suggested we go to my neighborhood in Queens because the bars are much less expensive. I also was thinking, though did not express, that I would be close to home at the end of the night and feel safer and better being there.

Well about a half hour ago our date ended. Started at 7PM. And I have no idea how it became appropriate to come out of my mouth but somehow I was able to say something to the effect that I wasn't going to have sex that night with him. I am honestly telling you all the truth here. It might sound completely stupid and like bullshit to you the reader reading this but this is really my POV and feelings. It wasn't even meant to be mean spirited. We were being playful with each other. He had even kissed me a couple of times sweetly.

Well all of a sudden he became very angry. He said he felt I was backing him into a wall and that he really thought I invited him to "my turf" for sex. And I was shocked! Here is what I think is this sweet innocent guy who is truly the nice good guy I have been begging for and so I had no idea this would be the thought I sent to him by asking if he wanted to go to a bar in my neighborhood and out of Manhattan.

So let me stop here for a minute and just proclaim that I AM THE STUPIDEST WOMAN ON EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I obviously do not think like most people in this respect. I was so innocent in my suggestion.

I was freaked out by his anger. It was such a shock. We both went to pee and came back put our coats on and we left together.

I being a woman wanted to talk about this. He being a man wanted me to drop it. I couldn't of course. I tread as lightly as possible. I started to walk in the direction of my home. Again stupid me thinking innocently that he would walk me home. But he mentioned something about walking to the train. So I turned around and walked him to the subway.

He told me he felt stupid. He was sorry he got so upset but he felt very embarrassed for thinking what he thought. Well there's a shared experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did my best to tell him I really like him. I explained I am not like most women and I really felt bad and that I really had no idea I made that impression at all or I would never have suggested it in the first place. I told him that I think he is so different than most men. He is kind and sweet and doesn't seem to be the kind of guy to try to get over on a woman and into my pants and he is so brilliant and I really like that and I don't want this to be just a sexual relationship, that I am looking for something different and that I really like him and that I don't want to do that with him so soon because I like him and I am sorry sorry sorry for being so stupid ... I had no idea.

He told ME that I should know he is not a forward type of guy and that if we are to continue to see each other I am going to have to be very clear when I am ready because I am confusing to him. He said that my straight tone and sarcastic tone are too similar and hard to decipher.

I guess that is called dry humor???

I have never been told that before. I guess there is alway a first.

What I did realize is that I really have and had no idea the signals I have been putting off and that is probably why I have met certain types of men and then been so pissed.

But I also don't think this is totally me either. Look, not to be snotty or conceited but I do realize that I am attractive to men. I also know that I enjoy being playful and flirty. But I don't think that means I bear the responsibility of this suppposed invite to fuck the shit out of me on a second date from him or any other guy! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK I am tired and really upset. So I am going to end this post here.

I will tell you that he gave me a kiss goodnight. We talked about another date on Friday night. When he gave me a peck I did say, "That's all I get?" And he said I had to tell him what I wanted because he was confused! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just told him to come here. And I kissed him. A nice long yummy kiss that I had desired the entire night!

I really need your comments. I only ask that if you need to be brutally honest you remember I am already emotionally bruised here.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Music Of Others

I was reading Drowsey's post today about annoying people and music and lines at the bank and it reminded me of the time I was on the subway and saw this guy.

I'm with ya dude!

I can top you Drowsey! Try a jam packed subway, with smelly people listening to their iPods LOUDLY with the most hideous music. And worse you're on an express train home after a 9 hour work day, going at the speed of about 4 miles an hour!

If you're lucky that's all you get to experience during rush hour. Chances are you are either going to witness two women fighting over being pushed, sometimes two men in suits challenging each other physically over being pushed or be in one of these scream fests. Now this doesn't happen every day but often enough.

Thank goodness I don't have to ride the trains during rush hour anymore. It brings out the worst in people.

Absolutely Fabulous

Glowing eyes
Flowing thick hair
Girl next door

This woman is fabulous! Witty, sexy, charming and smart. She's a west coaster, sorry NY guys! Bask in her presence and you will feel like the only man on earth. She is the needle in the haystack. Don't worry though, I hold the map.

If you are kind, honest, generous, and sexy please apply to me at canubapartofmylife@gmail.com Tell me why I should let you date my friend. Email deadline for your submitted applicaton is February 10, 2008.

Male Dominated Night Ahead Of Me

Second date Jdate bloke rearranged our date for tonight as I told you and picked where we should meet since he lives in Jersey City and I in Queens, NY. He picked a fun place to play games I have really wanted to try out for a long time. WoooHOO!!

I realized there will be six men I am meeting tonight.

Ben & Jerry -- where we are meeting up
Dave & Buster -- where we bust loose
Jack Daniels -- how Lauren will loosen up
JDate bloke -- hopefully who Lauren will kiss tonight! :-)

Friday, January 18, 2008

Random Thoughts And Facts

Random Thought:

Two new "reality" shows:
Miss America Reality Check
How to Look Good Naked

Wouldn't the REAL reality be that Miss America participants were actually the women we see in How to Look Good Naked???????????????

Random Fact:

Did you know that Texas Is Biggest Carbon Polluter in the United States. Texas would rank seventh in the world if it were its own country. Texas has 19 coal-burning power plants, the largest refining capacity and has the largest petrochemical industry in the nation, Texans consumes more coal than any other state, and its per-capita residential use of electricity is significantly higher than the national average. Texas political leaders read "environmental protection as government activism." To be fair, Texas is also the second most populous state, behind California.

Random Thought:

According to the Daily Mail "men find a leggy lady lovelier."
Faced with the choice of two women of the same height, but with different leg length, they will tend to plump for the one with the longer legs.
Hot damn...I finally have something over other women! I have very long legs...on a very short body. Um, does that make up for my junk in the trunk and short stature?
But while legs 5 per cent longer than average proved the most popular, very long legs - around 15 per cent above the norm - fared poorly.
Darn it!

Random Fact & Thought

Surgeons 'are better after playing Nintendo Wii' according to Dr Kanav Kohel and Dr Marshall Smith, of the Banner Good Samaritan Medical Centre in Phoenix, Arizona.
WOW I didn't know just how smart my idea of playing the Wii on a date, really was. Hot damn, I IS smart!

How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less

I JUST heard the author of How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less, speak on the Today show this morning. Bells went off in my head. All my requests to the universe to PLEASE tell me what to say on dates to get the ball rolling, sound interesting and have a good time is paying off. First with Darrin's suggestions, then finding those great questions I posted earlier this week and now this book.

Nicolas Boothman, the author of this book, explained that when you first meet people a great way to start a conversation is first with a statement and then a follow-up question like: New York is a great city. (statement) If you only had one day to spend in New York City, what would be the ONE thing you did? (questions)

Simple yet brilliant. TADA!

Here's the synopsis given on Barnes and Noble.com's website:

How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is the work of a master of Neuro-Linguistic Programming whose career is teaching corporations and groups the secrets of successful face-to-face communication. Aimed at establishing rapport-that stage between meeting and communicating-How to Make People Like You focuses on the concept of synchrony. It shows how to synchronize attitude, synchronize body language, and synchronize voice tone so that you instantly and imperceptibly become someone the other person likes. Reinforcing these easy-to-learn skills is knowing how to read the other person's sensory preferences-most of us are visual, some are kinesthetic, and a minority are auditory. So when you say "I see what you mean" to visual person, you're really speaking his language. Along the way the book covers attitude, nervousness, words that open a conversation and words that shut it down, compliments, eye cues, magic of opposites attracting, and more. It's how to make the best of the most important 90 seconds in any relationship, business or personal.

I'm Looking For Something Fun To Post Today...Stay Tuned

All this trying to figure out this new guy stuff is obviously frazzling me a bit. So I think today's time should be used to post fun stories and fun questions etc...I'll be searching for some fun things around the internet and posting them here.

The first thing of course is Barbara's Friday Feast It's always fun and light-hearted. Barbara is THE BEST!

Next is Drowsey's blog post today. I won't spoil the fun by even hinting what it is about. You are guarenteed to laugh your ass off! While I rant and melt down, she is just hysterical. GO!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Triple FUCK!

OK the bloke called me just now. But this still feels really odd and forced to me. He said he didn't understand my message about when I was available. Then he asked me about Saturday night. I hate admitting I have that night free, but he mentioned that next weekend was booked for him. He has a tornament for a hobby of his and his sister's birthday.

I admitted that I had Saturday night free just not the day because I made the mistake of not transfering an appointment into my online schedule book from my little hand-written one, that that was the problem. He asked me when I would be free and I thought for a moment and said I would probably be done by 5PM.

OK so now I am confused. I said that I didn't want him to break plans with his sister, that I didn't think that was the right thing to do. He told me his sister "will not give a shit, not to worry." There we go with the curse words again.

I asked if he spoke with his sister tonight yet and he said no. So I said why don't you call her and then call me back later. He sounded SO annoyed at this point and then told me he might not be able to because he might not be able to get in touch with his sister tonight. HUH????

It just doesn't feel comfortable when we talk. Before we met the conversation was easygoing and fun. It was a bit less relaxed when we actually met. And now this conversation which sounded like he was so upset he had to be calling me and listening to the message...almost like we were a couple together for a long time and here I was pulling the same shit on him again type of tone and feeling. I am not liking this. I also don't like that he doesn't know when he can get back to me. I am not going to be at some guys beck and call. Either make appropriate plans at a reasonable time frame with me or don't ask. And if I screw up your idea of what you wanted and this annoys you, then that doesn't bode well for you with me.

Darrin asked me how I feel about the situation. Well, now I feel annoyed. I feel like I already can't be myself, like I am walking on eggshells. I don't like how I feel at all.

OK here's the latest scoop. I got a call back about 15 minutes after we initially hung up. He spoke to a friend who was supposed to go to this dinner with the sister and that friend isn't available until late that evening anyway so our Saturday night date is happening.

For most of this conversation things seems to be more relaxed. I do feel there is some kind of issues he has with insecurity or some emotional thing on his end, something I am willing to bet is a diagnosed type of mental issue though. Just by listening to how he talks, his speach patterns. Nothing horrible, just maybe some anxiety thing.

Anywho, he said that he thought we might enjoy going to
Dave & Buster's since I had mentioned the Wii stuff. TADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The boy had a lightbulb moment!!!!!! I hear the trumpets playin'! :-D

He mentioned we should meet somewhere for dinner first and then picked Ben & Jerry's just to meet and then we could walk on ninth avenue where there are a million great restaurants to choose from. But then he added that he thought not only was this a good idea for us because of what I had mentioned but that his friend lives in Times Square and could meet us later. You see what I am saying about mixed messages??? So I laughed and said, "You want me to meet your friend?" He said why not and then got all tripped up. Poor guy. So he starts backpeddling and says he isn't trying to get his friends to check me out. So I laugh again because I wasn't even thinking about it that way. I was thinking, and I said to him, that he must really trust his friend to meet me so soon, since it was only a second date. And he said, "Actually I don't!" And then mumbled something about maybe it wasn't important really about the friend. HAHAHAHA! Oh poor fellow! I have to be easier on him I think. I can be sarcastic and I do like to tease. I told him I was just poking and I would be more gentle from now on because I could see he was sensitive. He told me he isn't always sure when I am kidding. Oooops! Oh well.

We spoke about some emails he sent to me earlier before meeting, where he was showing me the food he learned to prepare, one of the meals being sushi, my favorite. He even said, sometimes we can make it together. OK good sign. I had a little more idle chit chat, but then I could feel he wasn't really into chatting anymore. So there is always this give and fast take with the talking. I am not sure what this is about. I'll have to give it a go and see is all I can say.

So anyway this place sounds like fun. I have no idea how to play any of this stuff. I will probably look like a spaz. But I am going to enjoy myself. I am hoping I can get a few shots of Jack in me right before we start to play so I loosen up.

Penny for YOUR thoughts???!

Comic Relief - Thank G-d I Don't Work In The Corporate World Anymore!

I Hate Games BUT...

Alright, I got asked for a second date with this last Jdate fellow. But here's the situation. He let me know at dinner, before asking me for the date that he had dinner plans with his sister this Saturday night. He let me know how busy his entire weekend was.

And to be honest I never had a guy want to go out with me again who also didn't want the date to end. This guy was checking the train schedule before leaving our date, he never mentioned that he had other trains he could catch to get back to the city etc...And you should know that getting on the LIRR from where I live gets you back to Manhattan in 15 minutes. And since he lives in a building in Jersey City that has a Path train stop that means another 10 minutes tops to get home from that point.

Now, I have learned over the years not to take this kind of stuff personally. He could have all kinds of personal reasons for all of this that has nothing to do with me. He might have been nervous. He might have had strange emotionally hurtful experiences with women in the past when he tried to extend the time of dates. Who knows?

What I do know is that this left me feeling like I had been given many mixed signals. And I am not crazy about that feeling.

As we stood on the platform waiting for his train we discussed getting together over the weekend. He asked me what I might like to do. I tried to be open but he seemed to need me to make some pitch. So I told him how I wanted to learn how to play the Wii. Silly me, I had no idea this is only a home game. I figured they must have these at bars or something like it and we could go have fun. WELL, he let me know it is a home-based system and not really a second date kind of thing. I felt so stupid! But I tried not to let that show. So I mentioned the video guitar game that everyone (including Barbara) has been raving about. Now I know that there are bars that have them. I saw a segment on the news about how this is a big thing to do in NYC and the boroughs. He seemed excited and talked about this game a little. The train came. We were at least 2 ft apart so I figured I was getting a handshake or hug but he did come in for the kiss on the lips. Soft, sweet, appropriate and nice.

I did get an email that night telling me how he got home ok and would email me later about weekend plans. However, the night went on and nothing.

So then my cell phone rings and it is him. He explained how he is having email problems so he decided to call. (AH, so I am thinking only because email is down you are calling me??? This is not how I want to have a relationship start!) I told him ok and how was he and all the niceties.

So what ends up being his suggestion? ps1.org A museum. UGH! I am not really a museum person. I didn't make any hint at wanting that. Why did he even ask me if he wasn't going to LISTEN to my clues as to what I might like on a second date???

Maybe he tried to find something and couldn't. Again, who knows? But I think I made my desire for an ACTIVITY date clear. But maybe this is a difference between men and women. I am willing to bet that the female readers will completely deduce this and the men will have a different thought altogether. Am I right????

So I could not say no. It wouldn't be polite and it would make him feel badly. So I did the right thing and said, "I am sure anything you choose will be fine. It isn't the activity it is the company." But inside I am groaning loudly. I am smart! I am smart! I am smart! BUT I am not an intellectual and I have no desire to be one. I am a simple woman. I am a feeling person. I don't want to sit and stare at some bizarre art exibit of street railings in a pile and determine what the artist was trying to say!!!!

Please don't get me wrong. I love art. I own that beautiful painting you saw in my video. It is painted by Candace Craw-Goldman and she is amazing. I love having things in my home that give me certain feelings when I look at them. What I don't like is analyzing why they make me feel good. So off that tangent...

I took Darrin's perfect advice and asked this guy about some of the pod casts he mentioned and where I could find them...could I listen on the computer without having an iPod. He said yes and we talked a lot about this. He walked me through iTunes and nagivated me around the screen and it was fun. We laughed a little and the conversation was really nice. It felt like two friends talking. And I realy liked it.

We then spoke about the time on Saturday. He told me how he has a doctor appointment in the morning and wasn't sure when he would be done. ONE RED FLAG. (This reminded me of DTM. Amongst the many crummy things he did to me, he would always let me know how busy he was and squeeze me in and I hated that feeling that are time was limited.)

We discussed meeting around 1PM. But then I remembered how this fellow told me he had some dinner plans with his sister on Saturday night. RED FLAG NUMBER TWO. So I said,"Are you still going to talk to your sister?" Now guys, DUH, this doesn't mean are you going to chat with her, this is a polite way of asking are you going to let her know you have plans with me now. This guys says, "Yes I am going to keep my call with her tomorrow night." So I am forced to say something like, "Are you meeting with her for dinner on Saturday?" And he tells me yes. So I felt sucker punched. I just replied, "Oh."

So I said, "Let me let you go. Hope you can get some sleep tonight." He told me he would call me Saturday to let me know how his time was moving. UH OK? It's Wednesday night and you have no desire to email or speak to me between. You are going to dinner with your Sister on Saturday night and want to squeeze me in for what, maybe three hours in between and when we had our date you were itching for the train schedule rather than looking for a later train to catch, you wanted to know the next train.

This could all be because he is insecure and nothing more. But I just don't like it.

So, this morning when I woke up I had this feeling and I realized this wasn't sitting well with me. I am not the girl that is ready when you are available. I deserve better than this. While he is nice and seems smart and kind, this situation is making me feel too much of a repeat of DTM. So knowing he is at work and that he doesn't like to use the cell phone, I called his home number and left a message.

I said, "I realized I made a mistake with my schedule and didn't write an appointment in my online calendar and that my Saturday was not available. Would you like to reschedule for Sunday or next Saturday NIGHT? You can call me at home at X or on my cell. I know you need to talk to your sister tonight but if you want to call me after or later on in the week that is fine too. Just let me know."

And I left it like that. If he calls he calls. If he gives up, well then guess what....@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!???