Alright, I got asked for a second date with this last Jdate fellow. But here's the situation. He let me know at dinner, before asking me for the date that he had dinner plans with his sister this Saturday night. He let me know how busy his entire weekend was.
And to be honest I never had a guy want to go out with me again who also didn't want the date to end. This guy was checking the train schedule before leaving our date, he never mentioned that he had other trains he could catch to get back to the city etc...And you should know that getting on the LIRR from where I live gets you back to Manhattan in 15 minutes. And since he lives in a building in Jersey City that has a Path train stop that means another 10 minutes tops to get home from that point.
Now, I have learned over the years not to take this kind of stuff personally. He could have all kinds of personal reasons for all of this that has nothing to do with me. He might have been nervous. He might have had strange emotionally hurtful experiences with women in the past when he tried to extend the time of dates. Who knows?
What I do know is that this left me feeling like I had been given many mixed signals. And I am not crazy about that feeling.
As we stood on the platform waiting for his train we discussed getting together over the weekend. He asked me what I might like to do. I tried to be open but he seemed to need me to make some pitch. So I told him how I wanted to learn how to play the Wii. Silly me, I had no idea this is only a home game. I figured they must have these at bars or something like it and we could go have fun. WELL, he let me know it is a home-based system and not really a second date kind of thing. I felt so stupid! But I tried not to let that show. So I mentioned the video guitar game that everyone (including Barbara) has been raving about. Now I know that there are bars that have them. I saw a segment on the news about how this is a big thing to do in NYC and the boroughs. He seemed excited and talked about this game a little. The train came. We were at least 2 ft apart so I figured I was getting a handshake or hug but he did come in for the kiss on the lips. Soft, sweet, appropriate and nice.
I did get an email that night telling me how he got home ok and would email me later about weekend plans. However, the night went on and nothing.
So then my cell phone rings and it is him. He explained how he is having email problems so he decided to call. (AH, so I am thinking only because email is down you are calling me??? This is not how I want to have a relationship start!) I told him ok and how was he and all the niceties.
So what ends up being his suggestion? ps1.org A museum. UGH! I am not really a museum person. I didn't make any hint at wanting that. Why did he even ask me if he wasn't going to LISTEN to my clues as to what I might like on a second date???
Maybe he tried to find something and couldn't. Again, who knows? But I think I made my desire for an ACTIVITY date clear. But maybe this is a difference between men and women. I am willing to bet that the female readers will completely deduce this and the men will have a different thought altogether. Am I right????
So I could not say no. It wouldn't be polite and it would make him feel badly. So I did the right thing and said, "I am sure anything you choose will be fine. It isn't the activity it is the company." But inside I am groaning loudly. I am smart! I am smart! I am smart! BUT I am not an intellectual and I have no desire to be one. I am a simple woman. I am a feeling person. I don't want to sit and stare at some bizarre art exibit of street railings in a pile and determine what the artist was trying to say!!!!
Please don't get me wrong. I love art. I own that beautiful painting you saw in my video. It is painted by Candace Craw-Goldman and she is amazing. I love having things in my home that give me certain feelings when I look at them. What I don't like is analyzing why they make me feel good. So off that tangent...
I took Darrin's perfect advice and asked this guy about some of the pod casts he mentioned and where I could find them...could I listen on the computer without having an iPod. He said yes and we talked a lot about this. He walked me through iTunes and nagivated me around the screen and it was fun. We laughed a little and the conversation was really nice. It felt like two friends talking. And I realy liked it.
We then spoke about the time on Saturday. He told me how he has a doctor appointment in the morning and wasn't sure when he would be done. ONE RED FLAG. (This reminded me of DTM. Amongst the many crummy things he did to me, he would always let me know how busy he was and squeeze me in and I hated that feeling that are time was limited.)
We discussed meeting around 1PM. But then I remembered how this fellow told me he had some dinner plans with his sister on Saturday night. RED FLAG NUMBER TWO. So I said,"Are you still going to talk to your sister?" Now guys, DUH, this doesn't mean are you going to chat with her, this is a polite way of asking are you going to let her know you have plans with me now. This guys says, "Yes I am going to keep my call with her tomorrow night." So I am forced to say something like, "Are you meeting with her for dinner on Saturday?" And he tells me yes. So I felt sucker punched. I just replied, "Oh."
So I said, "Let me let you go. Hope you can get some sleep tonight." He told me he would call me Saturday to let me know how his time was moving. UH OK? It's Wednesday night and you have no desire to email or speak to me between. You are going to dinner with your Sister on Saturday night and want to squeeze me in for what, maybe three hours in between and when we had our date you were itching for the train schedule rather than looking for a later train to catch, you wanted to know the next train.
This could all be because he is insecure and nothing more. But I just don't like it.
So, this morning when I woke up I had this feeling and I realized this wasn't sitting well with me. I am not the girl that is ready when you are available. I deserve better than this. While he is nice and seems smart and kind, this situation is making me feel too much of a repeat of DTM. So knowing he is at work and that he doesn't like to use the cell phone, I called his home number and left a message.
I said, "I realized I made a mistake with my schedule and didn't write an appointment in my online calendar and that my Saturday was not available. Would you like to reschedule for Sunday or next Saturday NIGHT? You can call me at home at X or on my cell. I know you need to talk to your sister tonight but if you want to call me after or later on in the week that is fine too. Just let me know."
And I left it like that. If he calls he calls. If he gives up, well then guess what....@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!???