Continuing the discussion on deal breakers I thought I would give you one spiritual teacher's thoughts on character:
Character : more important than intellectual faculties
"Generally speaking, what people value first and foremost in others are their knowledge and intellectual faculties. Their character and behaviour are considered far less important. Of course, when someone unpleasant causes them to suffer, people complain: ‘How ill-natured he is!’…‘What an insufferable character!’… or, ‘He’s spineless, he has no character!’ All of a sudden they forget that this someone has doctorates from four or five universities, that he has written some thirty books, and so on, and they consider only his character. They themselves must be stung, bitten, led astray or deceived in order to understand how important this question of character is. Until then, they put intellectual faculties above all else. Well, it is time for each of you to put character back in first place, not only as it pertains to others, but also to yourself. You must work tirelessly every day to awaken the forces and qualities the Creator has planted in your heart, your soul and your spirit." - Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov
In finding this I was really struck by the statement he makes, that many of us need to be stung, bitten, led astray or deceived in order to understand how important the question of character is. I met my most recent EX through Friendster. I was initially intrigued by his photo of course and through all the pushiness he seemed extremely intelligent. But quickly the character flaws were adding up and I was starting to lose count. Upon further reflection, I remember in his "asshole" post he wrote something to the effect of " I know so many things, why is it that I don't know how to do this?"
I distinctly remember the piles of books stacked all over his apartment. He read so many things. But none of them seemed to sink in. I remember stating to him once, "You think just because you read something you understand it? That is not how these things work. You must live and experience them to fully understand." And his reply was always one of bafflement.
There are many things that I have not written about that were done to me by my EX and they certainly fall into the category of being "stung, bitten, led astray and DECEIVED" and it has forced me to think long and hard about the character of others as well as my own.
They say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. While I most certainly didn't like living the lesson and the deception really did push me to the brink at times, I trust that this is what spirit felt was necessary to put my heart and mind in the right place; to get me to start looking for the important things in a life-partner, a mate.
A very good friend on mine, who is also extremely spiritual said to me, "You did to him EXACTLY what you were supposed to and he did EXACTLY what he was supposed to do for you."
I believe what I learned is that it truly is more important to know how a person lives, what they love, and how they behave and react, than what they do for a living or how many books they have read. This does not mean those things are not important too. They are just secondary.
Please don't forget to list your deal breaker on the below post.