"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Monday, January 7, 2008

Lesson For My Recent Ex

I opened my Jdate email box today and found this email. I had ONE email exchange with this fellow. ONE! And it got me thinking that my dirtbag EX should take a lesson from this guy:

"Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner. As it turns out, over the past week I've started seeing someone pretty regularly, and suddenly find myself feeling unavailable in terms of new JDate connections... Nevertheless, for the time being I'm feeling the need to pursue this other relationship to see where it leads, but for what it's worth, I really appreciated your emails, and I wish you the best of luck in the crazy JDate mating dance!"

Notice how he says OVER THE PAST WEEK. ONE WEEK he is seeing someone regularly and he realizes that is more than just simply dating and that you don't dick around on that person.

More than I can say for my dirtbag EX.

Before I opened the email on Jdate this morning I had been thinking about character. I think many woman in their 20's expect a lack of character from men. But as we get older we expect that the maturity level of men increases as well and that they improve their character. After my latest experience I have been pondering this a lot. Simply because he could, due to a weight loss and more attention from more types of women, he scammed three of us in one year into "dating" him while he was chasing other women or perhaps in his mind being chased by other women and feeling addicted to that simply BECAUSE HE COULD.

In my case he pushed for what in my mind was a very serious type of relationship with deep intimacies and lied to my face about his intentions with me.

I have tried my very best to not hold hate in my heart for my recent EX. Somedays I win and somedays I lose. Today I am on the losing end of that battle.

At the age of 37 after 11 years of online dating and writing that his focus has always been on the quantity and not quality I would be willing to take bets from any of you reading that he will do it again no matter the profestation. 37 years old, dating since 18, the synapses have formed too strongly in one direction. And I also know from spending intimate times with my EX that he is two-faced with his blog. Chances are that he already has another "victim" in mind who found his blog, as I did when I first started communicating with him, and this is more of a plea to give him a chance, that he will not be like he was before, JUST AS HE DID WITH ME verbally before I agreed to a date with him.

So I am thinking that receiving this email in my Jdate box today was a gift from the universe, to show me that this type of man with proper character does exist and that I don't have to put up with all the DTM's out there thinking that is all that is left in the dating pool for me.

And let this be a lesson to my EX that this is his competition and with this competition he will ALWAYS lose.


Barbara said...

I get mad every time I think of you ex because it reminds me so much of what happened to me at around the same time.

I don't get it. It just frustrates and infuriates me.

Lauren said...

I am sorry you had such a similar experience. I know that it often leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It's hard to process all the wrongs that were done to me. It comes out in dribs and drabs. It's humilating sometimes to realize what I let this person do to me and infuriating that he felt he had the right to do this to me at all. But I hold on to the fact that this is who HE is and not me and he will do it again and sometimes I hope he does so that another woman can kick the crap out of him, so he can't harbor hate-filled feelings for me anymore and realize it is he who needs to feel sorry and humiliated for his horrendous treatment of me and the others he did this to.