OK if you check the time of this post you'll see that I am home before 10PM from the first of my three Jdate dates for this weekend. Bummer!
Some of you know that I sometimes get a word before I meet someone to let me know a little about the personality. Now I know that might sound strange to some of you reading and that is ok with me. There are just some things that are not explainable, and that is life. You either trust and have faith or you don't. I honor every person's reality. Before I was about to meet this man, last week (which was cancelled at the last minute due to my job) I had a dream and Scoobie Doo was in it.
You should know some background facts about me to solidify this Scoobie Doo information. As a child my mother didn't let us watch cartoons because she felt they were too violent. We watched the news instead. How's that for a good laugh! My brother and I snuck and watched the ones we liked anyway. I always loved Josie and the Pussy Cats and the Jetsons. Go figure :-) I HATED SCOOBIE DOO with a passion. My brother would watch it and I can't for the life of me understand why anyone likes that cartoon but as I always say Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors for a reason.
So why and where would I dream anything having to do with Scoobie Doo? It was short but I distinctly remember Scoobie Doo being involved in this dream and it surrounding a guy in my life. When I woke up I just had this feeling I could not shake that this was a clue about this guy I was to meet. And yes I know that Scoobie Doo was all about putting clues together...there was no pun intended there.
So I went to the Internet to figure out what Scoobie Doo's personality was like. The last time I got a word associated with a guy I was going to see it was the word monopoly and it had to do with DTM. In the past, when this has happened to me, it usually was because that word had a meaning to the other person. In DTM's case when asked, I was told it meant nothing. So it baffled me. After I broke things off and read his post, some of which I shared with you, I realized that the meaning of the word had to do with the object of the game Monopoly: to acquire as many properties as possible thereby having all those that land on your properties having to pay you for being there. And that certainly fit the bill. Hence his : quantity not quality comment on his blog a few weeks ago. But I digress.
Here is what Wikipedia says about Scoobie Doo's personality:
Scooby-Doo and Shaggy share several personality traits, including tremendous appetites and tendencies toward cowardice.
OK so the date was arranged at a nice restaurant within walking distance from where I live. The gentleman arrived on time, 8PM. We shook hands and said hello and he immediately apologized for being late. He asked me if I was hungry and I said sure. And he replied he had an appetite as well and could eat. OK good sign. But pretty quickly after we sat down he let me know he was only going to get an appetizer. Hmmm.
When the waitress came and asked us about drinks he ordered an alcoholic drink, which we had previously discussed through the Jdate IM we had, that I had preferred there was no drinking on a first date because I wanted to get to know the real person. Hmmm And he went on to tell me how his day was very rough and he really needed that drink. NOT a good sign at all. If you NEED a drink because your day was rough, at least to me, it tells me that you do not have good coping skills. And well, this is a first date. Do you really want to tell this person this is how you soothe yourself, with alcohol?
When I ordered a soda he gave me a funny look as if to say, "hey you aren't going to drink with me?" UH, NO. I THINK I ESTABLISHED THAT I WOULDN'T BEFORE WE MET!
He then continued to tell me how nervous he was and when I told him not to be, that I was just another human being like him he replied, " Exactly what I said about you, very emotionally stable and put together." OK NOW I KNOW YOU ARE ALL LAUGHING WITH ME. You should be laughing anyway if you have been following my life on my blog long enough. HAHAHAHAHA!
OK I am pretty emotionally mature, but I have my moments and if you hit me hard-enough I surely have the strong desire to hit back three times as hard as you did. I am HUMAN!
So now I notice that this guy who is telling me how nervous he is, is rubbing his ear. In Eastern medicine, the ear is used to help calm emotions of a patient. There are specific points that when either rubbed or needled the person will relax quickly. So I knew that he was doing this to self soothe, even if he didn't realize it.
I asked him how long he was divorced and how his Jdate experience had been. And I do not know why this came out so easily, but he told me that he was divorced for 7 years and then the reason his wife left him.
I don't remember asking that personal of a question. I do think it is fair to ask how long someone is divorced. I think that is important information to know about a potential date/relationship. The rest is not my business at this stage of the game.
Well wifey left him because he is a compulsive gambler. He is in recovery and hasn't bet on anything in 6 years. (The place I chose for us to have dinner has off track betting! oops.)
"You want to take your salad to go?"
I smiled and said I was fine.
We made polite conversation and he smiled a lot and the truth is this is a really nice fellow who just is a Scoobie Doo. He has a cowardly personality.
He told me that he was excited all week but as he was driving to the date he started to feel like he wanted to forget it, because he was so nervous. He was a total Scoobie Doo and he, by the things he said that just aren't appropriate ways to portray yourself on a first date, sabatoged any chance at another date with a nice girl who is ready to have a nice time again with a fun nice guy.
He wasn't a narcissist at all. He wasn't nasty. He didn't say shitty things about me. He didn't put me on the defensive. He really was and is a nice man. But he is a Scoobie Doo. He is cowardly in his approach to dating and his tremedous appetite comes out with the addiction of gambling. A bit of disappointment but I would much rather have that than what I experienced with the last guy.
If you cannot believe that you are worth dating, then there is no reason I should believe it either. I wish him only the best of luck.