"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Monday, January 28, 2008

Mad Scientist And Lauren Do Mutual Dumping

Well I took some advice from Robert and pushed the issue and made a phone call. And what came out of that call sent my temper flaring!

I am so angry that I gave this man another chance after that horrible scene he created at the bar that HE suggested we go to at all, when I made it clear I would not be having sex with him.

How dare he tell me tonight that it was how I handled things! "You could have said to me, listen I have a couch and you can sleep on it." That is what he is telling me. This is about me!? I am so sick to death of meeting men like this, that when they behave badly and I am forced to say NO, I am somehow the bad one, the one in the wrong for how I handled the situation. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???????????????????????????????????????????

He then went on to tell me that someone (me) who is supposedly so empathetic should have known what he was feeling and thinking, at that moment enough to offer him my couch and the fact that I didn't know that was what he thought showed just how "off" we are.

Do I really need to list the definition of empathy here for him? I do not think the listing in the dictionary of empathy will state MIND READER.

And he has the audacity to tell me he asked two friends about that situation and they both told him, one being a woman, that he had every right to think I was inviting him for sex.

Yes, this is correct, you had every right to think what ever you wanted. It wasn't the thought that was so offensive!

Oh Mad Scientist, skinny Beanpole, whitest see through flesh, walk like Herman Munster freak of a being, that I kid you not, sometimes talks like Rainman, who took me on the lamest second date to an arcade and made no attempt to make me feel comfortable or be playful with me and then exclaimed, "This place sucks, let's leave," and then suggests we go to a bar, on a second date, in Times Square no less...after having dinner with me where all you did was ask me about what I thought about how you broke up with your last girlfriend this past summer, and was it ok to do it on the phone or wait till you see her in person, to which I had to tell you, "I feel like you are asking me to teach you how to break up with me," yes yes, I can see just where you would have thought that my suggestion that we go back to the neighborhood I live in would be my way of saying let me fuck your skinny white ass brains out!

But I digress...
I called him and we chatted friendly and then the awkward moment came. And it was too late to turn back and it was obvious we had to tell each other this wasn't working.

But what made me so angry more than all the rest is that I feel very lied to. What I learned is that he was completely holding back, that he refused to have conversations with me because he deemed that they would turn into confrontations because we think differently about life.

This is just a narcissist packaged in a different set of paper! How dare anyone decide what I will think or how I will react for me! This was never about me. This is all about how he is incapable of having a relationship that is an equal give and take, and how he needs to be in control of someone else's reactions and thoughts.

Yes, I ended up raising my voice and yes, he told me how I don't listen and haven't been listening. OH YES, that's right, I AM THE ONE THAT HASN'T LISTENED. HMMM...that would require that YOU MAD SCIENTIST had anything to say and share. But you did not. You didn't share and then you beat me up for it and told me how I would be and defined me. So YES, I am steamed and pissed. And to you I say go to hell!

And by the way, if you ever find this blog, let me tell you something...the last date we had, your breath smelled like rotten corn, and your hair smelled oily and horrible and I couldn't believe you at 41 didn't know this about yourself.

I gave you a chance because I wanted to convince myself that you were indeed nice. And to some extent you were. But the truth it that as my very good friend Rob once told me many years ago, any man that won't wait for sex, that makes a big nasty stink about not getting sex for any reason, is just fucking with your head and isn't interested in you as a person and to dump him that moment. So even more than I am angry with you for lying to me, I am angry with myself for not going with my gut instinct and telling you to go take your right hand and have a good time with yourself that night, and to figure out how to find your way to the train.

Yes, folks I walked home at 1am ALONE one mile because poor Mad Scientist didn't know where he was and couldn't figure out how to walk to the subway or look up and see the bus stop in front of his face! And yes, he had the nerve to tell me that one of the philosophies that we disagree on, and he feels was an argument between us, is that I feel a man should see a woman to her door after a date and he doesn't, YET he felt it was my responsibility to make sure he found his way to the train that night. This is NOT a nice guy. Yes, I was mature enough to tell him before we made the third date plans, that I cannot go out with a man who doesn't want to make sure I get home ok. I did this calmly and matter of factly. But I was told bluntly tonight on this pathetic break up call, that it was an argument. So to this person, a difference is an argument.

OK so be it. I didn't find him physically very attractive. Especially that pirate hoop earing. Last I checked it wasn't 1985. I found his brain attractive, in the book sense. I really really really liked that. I found that very hot. I found the rest very unattractive and even worse, the fact that he was so pathetic in not taking the lead romantically was a real turn off. And then of course did that 180 out of nowhere thinking he was going to get laid...


Honestly I am relieved this is done! Thanks Robert!


Brian said...

"What I learned is that he was completely holding back, that he refused to have conversations with me because he deemed that they would turn into confrontations because we think differently about life."

- Well, that seems to be accurate to a degree. It was obviously something he was thinking, and the result was a confrontation between you... but only because of how he handled it. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

Close the book on this one, and toss it in the recycling bin.

Lauren said...

Brian, it is in the shredder!

Perplexio said...

Yeah no point in dragging this out. There's better gents out there for you.

Just so you know, chivalry is not dead. There are plenty of guys out there who do realize this. I wish you luck in finding such a guy.

Sorry this one was such a dud.

Lauren said...

Darrin, I completely concur!

Thank g-d for good men like you, and Brian and the rest that I know to give me the proper mirrors. Men like the Mad Scientist count on women not knowing you guys exist. I am blessed to know the difference. :-D

Barbara said...

Well you know what I think of this dude! The fact that he did not walk you home says everything. What a dick brain!

There are men out there that are going to value you for who you are. You are an amazing woman in so many ways - you deserve to be appreciated, and cherished. Unfortunately we have to keep kissing frogs - its the only way to find a "prince".

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with the comments posted time to move..spread your wings a little and see what's over the horizon...light the world with your smile and carry on..:)))