OK I am looking to you my friends/blog readers for some advice. Please do not read the other comments before put your answer in.
Here's the scenario: You're single and dating from an online site. You have corresponded via online chat once. Days later after being asked for your number (your the girl) you have gotten no call. Knowing all you do about guys egos and being afraid of rejection you send a text saying a simple "good morning" just to give the hint that you are open to the communication. Still nothing. But suddenly a few days later you get a call at 7:30PM while driving in the car. Restricted comes up. You answer the phone and it it the person from the online site you have been corresponding with.
"Hi This is B32. You might not remember me. You texted me the other day. I think you did anyway. So how are you?"
I responded kindly of course. "Yes, that was me. I did send you a text."
B32: "I never text people."
Me: SILENCE
B32: "Oh well I never text anyone. "
Me: Silence
B32: "Well I just don't like texting. I prefer the phone. Even to emails."
Me: Silence
B:32 "Oh is that OK? I just don't text anyone. I just don't like it."
OK before I tell you what I said because he was getting his pants in a twist because I wasn't responding in any way to this defensiveness about not replying to my text what would you say?
Please put yourself in both parties shoes and answer this question. Whether you are a first time reader of my blog or long time reader please don't lurk. Please please comment. I welcome and want all comments. I get about 100 readers a day. Please if you have found this blog leave a comment answering what you would have said and your thoughts from the man's perspective as well. Thanks
Friday, March 21, 2008
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8 comments:
Generally silence of that magnitude comes across as hostile or confrontational. Silence can put people on the defensive. But on the phone, at some point, before getting THAT far into a conversation I would have asked, "Are you still there?" or "Is everything okay?"
That being said the fact that each response was a statement, and he didn't actually ask you a question until the very end of the conversation leads me to believe he's a bit self-involved, self-absorbed. Good conversation generally does include more questions to engage the other person.
I can't say it any better than Darrin.
The thing that comes to mind that I may have said is something like, "Yes, I understand that you don't text." And they wait....I would be a little annoyed that he took so long to call, of course. I would probably wait after I said that to see what he said, then go from there....I may at some point, point out to him that I hadn't heard from him since we last communicated in a really long time and ask him what's up.....Those are my initial thoughts, at least.
Oh, and happy Easter to you! If you celebrate it, that is....If you don't, they have a great weekend!
I guess I can never know how you are feeling but I think it would be better to lay it out and say, if you prefer the phone how come you didnt call? And specify that you are just asking because you are curious and his behavior seems to be contradictory. Its better to be direct I think...or maybe I think that way since I am male, who knows :)
I wouldn't have remained silent...that seems kinda rude. I would have responded somehow, I dunno, just said something like, yeah I get that, lots of people don't text. Anyway, how have you been? or whatever. To be honest, I probably wouldn't have texted him in the first place. But I think your silence probably set a bad tone.
Sorry hun! But that's how I see it.
I am going to wait for some more feedback before I continue the story but I want to address your comments collectively.
I can see what all of you are saying about the silence. I guess I need to figure out how to get around this trait of mine. Many times I feel stunned into silence. YES IT IS TRUE. Belive it or not! Because I don't want to say anything to screw up the moment I just get really quiet. In this case I just didn't know what to say to such declarative sentences. But I hear all of you loud and clear and so I need to address this for myself if I want things to go well for me and whomever at some point. Maybe not this fellow but another better guy.
I will follow this saga up with some of my thoughts after Easter to give more of you time to comment.
Thank you all for commenting and helping me out.
Happy Easter to all of you!
Some people just don't like texting at all. Some people don't have it in their cell phone plans so it costs them extra money when they receive texts. I would've just took his word for what it was and refrain from texting in the future.
I would have said "hey no problem...thanks for calling! how are you?" Silence is a tad rude - it would have scared me off. Plus you never know why someone hasn't called - family emergencies, etc. That's probably not his reason, but hey, just saying. You never know.
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