"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Friday, March 14, 2008

Why Men Marry Bitches

Yesterday I wrote that I prayed on my subway ride home for a new way of thinking and seeing things. As Darrin commented, the l-rd works in mysterious ways. I am a person of faith, but for the past few months I have been in a downward spiral. I was a fairly confident woman and then DTM smacked into my life. He was there for a lesson. In the midst of that lesson also came energy spent around a narcissist who really did a number on my psychie. He pounded some pretty darn mean and nasty things into me at the worst moments, after I had developed feelings. Since then I have been more and more needy and neurotic as the months went by.

Silly me, I thought that simply having my say and telling him off as I broke up with him would feel empowering. But he left his nasty little mark long before that happened.

Normally I would stray away from a book like the one I am about to tell you about, but as I said I prayed for a new way to see things. First I found that other blog and today a co-worker gave me her copy of Why Men Marry Bitches. It's not what you think. The title is great marketing.

Women think of the word bitch to mean, mean and nasty. That is NOT how this author explains this word or attitude. I am 80 pages in and it is fantastic. It gives exactly what I had been asking for -- for the past few months, clear cut do's and don'ts with examples of situations we have all been in. Not silly stupid moronic situations. Normal, real situations and it tells you how a guy is thinking, what he should be thinking based on the proper answer, which will let you know if he is a quality guy or not. It's not so much what he tries to do with you because let's face it they will all go for sex, even the nerdiest of the bunch. It's what he says or doesn't say to you based on how you handle him. And this goes for other situations like a change in pattern of texts or calls to you. And THAT one stands out glaringly for me.

Well I will leave you all here for now. I have a date with a guy from JDATE later tonight. From what I read I have already made some major mistakes. But the truth is I hold no stock in this date anyway.

Update: Things were smooth, pleasant, enjoyable. Will he call? Who knows. Do I even want him to? Not sure. Here's what I do know: I handled myself very differently on this date than any other I have had in a very very long time and it felt so much better for me.

2 comments:

Julie said...

If you like him, I hope that he calls you soon! I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Lauren said...

Hey Julie, Thanks for stopping by. Not sure I really care if he calls me or not. How's that for a first?! By the way I stopped by your blog today and after leaving a comment I got stuck with a zillion windows opening on my computer. Not sure if it is a virus stuck on your page or not but thought this was the best way to let you know.