"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Best and Worst Date EVER

I don't even have the energy to write this all out. I do want to let you all know that this did not end well for me.

Date was fun. Everything seemed as it had been. But I now realize why some things were said to me on the phone last night. I thought it was just self-depricating humor. It was not. He was hoping we would have a terrible date because he met someone else. And while we were supposed to have our phone date on Tuesday and he was supposed to be with friends, that event got cancelled and he used that time to ask this other woman out on a second date and he likes her and will be seeing her again and he wanted to let me know.

I told him about my age and directly after he told me this. He wanted to be honest with me. He has had a total of two dates and he said he is feeling guilty that he likes me and liked our time and that he was with me at all. He was considering cancelling our date completely after only two dates with this other woman.

NOW I am sorry but that is just nuts if you ask me. And I am the kind of woman that doesn't play games and doesn't like the dating scene...but two dates and you are thinking of being exclusive to the point that a date with a new woman who you know almost as long as the other one you had two dates with makes you feel guilty. This is just too intense, don't you think?

He went so far as to tell me that he purposely didn't use my name the entire night because he was afraid he might say the wrong name. A good friend of mine said that telling me that crossed the line, that it wasn't for being honest and that you don't have to say everything you are thinking to be honest. She feels that was cruel.

I had no time to digest what was being said to me. I wasn't sure how to react.

In the moment I only knew I felt a connection and didn't want to lose my chance. Perhaps stupidly I said things I should not have.

I told him I felt a connection and I asked if he felt it too, or was I wrong. He said he does feel a connection and that he could not stop thinking about me after our calls and was hoping it wouldn't go well so that he didn't have to make a choice. So I said I feel something and would like the chance to see where it can go but I won't beg and it will be what it is. But that I can't promise him anything and certainly not exclusivity after only a few dates. And then I said that it might be a good thing to date the other woman because he will have someone to compare me too.

But now that I am home. Now that I have had time to talk with a good friend, I am rethinking much of what I thought I felt and said. I do not have time for this baby bullshit. TWO DATES and you are feeling guilty. That IS too intense. He should not have been on Jdate talking with other women if he felt so g-d damn strongly about this other woman after only one date.

He committed to calling me on Sunday night to discuss seeing each other further.

So I ask you, should I take the call?


Perplexio said...

Weren't you warned of his intensity by someone?

Lauren said...

Darrin, Yes I was. But I could NEVER have understood it to be like this!

So the question is, should I take his call should it even come.

I can't believe I am in this place. This is the epitomy of cruelty and unfairness! There is not one bit of sense I can make out of this at all! NONE. ZERO!

It would have been better had I not met him AT ALL EVER! NOR TALKED WITH HIM EVER! I DID NOT NEED THIS!

Perplexio said...

Take the call if he does call. And if he doesn't move on and let it go.

Drowsey Monkey said...

Ah well, nothing ventured nothing gained. Go with your gut tho.