"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Friday, March 7, 2008

What A Difference A Day Makes

With help from many friends I have decided to move on quickly from this latest and most confusing disappointment.

Many things I did not share with you were said which in hindsight lead me to realize that although this man professes wanting marriage he doesn't fully understand what a marriage really means.

For me marriage is not about being demanding, it is about accepting other people's pace and needs. He clearly cannot understand that if after two dates he feels he must and wants to commit to this woman. I can understand a connection. I can understand the desire to get to know the person better and see how things go over a few weeks. Two dates is pushing and demanding. And while it might be the right pace for him, I know all too well it is not for MOST people. He needs to make this mistake. Whether I am around for him when he realizes this I do not know.

If he calls me on Sunday and IF I decide to take his call, what I HAVE DECIDED to say is the following: " I do like you and I do feel there is a connection but I also feel you have to pursue this other person. So I would like to be friends and get to know you on a friend basis only."

Because the truth for me is that I absolutely cannot give the kind of relationship he believes he wants at this time. Only if he goes out with that woman and realizes his mistake in pursuing her so quickly in such a heavy way so fast, will he be willing to slow down enough for me IF we do decide to stay friends and then ever decide to change it to a dating/boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I just cannot and will not be pushed into anything to make another person happy at my expense.

While this is obviously not what I had hopped for this is my truth and I am at peace with it.

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