"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Monday, March 24, 2008

Update On Phone Call Post

To continue with the story of the phone call and the text question I posted here is what happened next:


I had to hang up on this B32. We agreed that he would call back at 9:30PM. That time came and went. So did much of the next day. That is when I posted the first part of the story and my question to all of you.

However, when I left the subway after traveling home that night my cell phone vibrated with a message. Low and behold it was B32.

But the perplexing attitude continued. His message said, "Sorry I could not get back to you last night. I was stuck on the phone with my friends."

He asked me to call him back. Against my better judgement I did. We played tag for a little while, and even made plans, that I had to cancel because I had already made plans for the same day and didn't realize it at the time. I offered another time via email but haven't received a return email and I do not expect to.

Here's the issue for me and please to my female readers, comment if you feel the same way. I have no problem with friends, and obligations. I have them too. In fact I am booked up for this entire week. But if I say I will call someone at a certain time I do it. And if I can't speak with that person then I quickly call them and let them know and ask if there is another time we can speak. It is just plain common courtesy. To just not call someone, especially someone you don't really know, but you claim to want to know for dating purposes I think says a lot about your lack of character.

I also feel that telling someone that you don't like to text, as a reason for not returning a text to someone is also a sign of lack of good character. To me it says I come first you come second. If you are going to be that way at this early stage how will you be later.

I fully appreciate that some people do not have texting plans, or simply have a preference of not liking the medium. I don't see that as the issue. I personally do not want to have a relationship with my phone. It was something I hated about my situation with DTM all those months ago. It was used as an excuse and a way to avoid real communication. For me it is the intent behind the statement that is worrisome. As is the intent behind the statement that he was stuck on the phone all night with friends.

At first if not always with a potential partner, you should want to put your best foot forward. I don't expect anyone to change their life for me before we meet, but some show of courtesy for me is necessary. And I think Darrin was dead on with his assessment that this fellow is self-absorbed.

I think there needs to be balance. I will communicate with you in the form you are most comfortable with even if it isn't my first choice. I expect the same respect. Flexibility is a two-way street.


Drowsey Monkey said...

I dunno, it sounds like he's a very casual person who doesn't take this stuff too seriously, and that's not right or wrong, it's just not the way you deal with these things.

He kind of sounds like me and you sound like my friend who takes these things more seriously than I do. She thinks she's more responsible than I am, but I don't see it that way...I think she gets too fussed about stuff that isn't important.

But we're friends, both women...she's happily married to someone who thinks like she does. I can see if she was married to someone like me we'd drive each other crazy! lol As friends we get along well ... but I look at her husband, who is exactly like her, and I think omg...we'd kill each other if we were married!

So maybe you dodged a bullet with this guy.

Anonymous said...

But...he could just be a nice guy? Give him a break and go for it, at least for one date. Don't have so many set rules...life's too short! :)

Lauren said...

Drowsey, Yes I think partially you are right. I don't see this as a match. Just when I think he's disappeared he reappears. It's frustrating to me. And for me it's not the right chemistry.

Anon - I have very little rules actually. But respect and caring for and thinking about the other person first is a deal breaker for me. And yes, I treat others as I wish to be treated.