"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Sunday, March 16, 2008

My Thoughts On Why Men Marry Bitches

So I devoured that book. I respect the information and I understand this is what I am up against and what is out there and I have to learn to play the game. But there is a HUGE part of me that resists this entire idea of it being a game at all. There is a HUGE part of me that feels betrayed and upset that this is the way it is.

I understand the premise behind all the things men do, that I read about. They do not want to get hurt. They are guarded. I get it. Guess what fellas? Women feel the same way too. I don't want to be played for sex. I would respect you much more if you were upfront with me and just said that is what you want and cannot offer more. Infact, let me let you into a little secret. I have a lot of single female friends here in NYC and MOST of them have a friend with benefits. The ones that have this arrangement do it openly, no secrets and they are just fine with it.

It's the lying we cannot stand. It's the lying that will set off our emotional hot button and make us want to go nuclear on you.

Think about it: Just as you do not want a woman who lies to you just so that you will buy her expensive gifts and pay for her rent we don't want to be lied to about your motives for sex.

The rest is just games. And I have ALWAYS hated playing games. But I understand that men are very fearful and have fragile egos and this runs their actions. And so I will do my best to be aware of this and follow the rules I read about in the book. They make sense. I don't like them but they make sense and I can be ok with them because THEY MAKE SENSE.

It just seems to me that if all those thoughts are driving the behavior of men, then they aren't fully present in the relationship and I am being viewed as a thing and not a fully rounded person. I myself am finding it hard at the moment to express my feelings with the correct words. For now this is as close as I can get.

6 comments:

Julie said...

I don't like playing games, either. I am glad that I don't have to do that anymore. That said, especially in the dating world, you really do have to learn how to play "the game", don't you?

Dawn said...

I think you expressed it perfectly... and I agree it's THE LYING that sets us off... men.duh.

Lauren said...

Julie, I don't remember the exact way it was written but on his blog after I broke it off, he wrote something to the effect of realizing we weren't playing the same game, but not realizing it at the time. I never thought of dating as a game until that point. As silly as that might seem to my readers. Hmmm

Dawn - I second ya!

sexyoldbroad said...

Sadly, it's not just the men who lie to make themselves look more attractive to the objects of their desire, women do it too.

Thankfully not everyone does it. I met my husband through a personal ad on the net back in 1994 when I was in Orlando and he was in Australia. I thought he was great and like you'd probably want, I needed to meet him to prove he wasn't perfect.

He was and we're still together. So don't give up and don't settle for less than what you deserve.

Lauren said...

Sexyoldbroad -- Thanks for sharing your experience. I am not sure online dating is the right path for me...but as you tell your story and as I have seen it work for others, my brother included in that, I will keep the option on the table for the time being :-)

kev said...

Interesting title, that's for sure!

What's an example of one of the "rules" given in the book? (color me curious)