"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I Guess What They Say About A Man Who Is A Good Kisser Isn't Always True

Let me start by saying to all the men out there single or not single, that 1.5 hours is not a marathon session. If you think it is, I am here to tell you you're very very wrong.

Rightly or wrongly I have had enough experience as a single, never married woman of 37 to know what is a marathon session and what is not. I'm not gonna give you the numbers. So don't ask. You can be sure I and the rest of my girlfriends will back me up on this.

Secondly...men, boys listen up please. If we give you the green light for whatever reason don't blow it! Don't let your egos get in the way of showing us the proper care. We know you don't understand what you are doing most of the time but you have two ears and you can choose to use them.

Most women by my age are not afraid to be communicative. If you don't understand the following simple words PLEASE don't have sexual relations with anyone other than yourself! OK?

Those words are: slower, softer, wait, not yet.

OH and I almost forgot...if you hear OUCH you really haven't a clue. And well by your late 30's early 40's there's really no good excuse for that.

If you hear them do us a favor and LISTEN and OBEY!

This rule goes for sex, making love or something in between. Doesn't matter.

So folks, those who read and say they live vicariously through me, I am done with this fellow. There's more reasons than this. And when you add them up, they come to too many negatives.
Let's just say never tell someone who does this for a living that your EX had a c-section without drugs. It's just a stupid move. AND YES HE WAS SERIOUS! Couple that with the above and really what have you got?

To be fair, he is a nice person. He really is. He has a good heart. But a good heart is not enough.

13 comments:

Jessica said...

OMG-I cannot believe he said that c-section thing. lol Men have no sense.

Drowsey Monkey said...

Are you talking sex for 1.5 hours? Are you crazy woman? Anything over 8 minutes is just repetitive. LOL

And if ya wanna get married get ready for the 3 minutes session, that's about right, unless it's your birthday or something ;)

Lauren said...

Drowsey, I am in hysterics! My poor kitties think I am gonna pass out from laughing!

Not actual intercourse for 1.5 hours but you know things...

Jess, YES HE DID SAY THAT.

BTW I just got a call from him saying how badly he felt for having to cancel plans, as I said it's complicated...and he even asked me how I was due to all that I posted here. So I am guessing he realized he sucked the big one. He wants to make it up to me. I don't take back a word I said...but I will probably give him one more shot. I don't see this as anything but a for now guy at the most..there's no marriage potential here, and not due to the sex thing. I'm not that shallow...well sort of but not really ;-)

Drowsey Monkey said...

Still! LOL

I don't even want a man in my apartment that long.

:P

Lauren said...

Drowsey, LOL...that's cause you've been with too many guys like I wrote on this post. If you had the experiences I have had you might feel different. Good thing I have to, so that I know the difference.

Waiting to see if he really wants to make things up to me or not and how well he will turn on those damn ears, cause the truth is I am NOT going to let my body go through THAT again.

Da Old Man said...

I'm taking notes in case I ever find myself single again.

I'm also developing a fear of Canadians.

Lauren said...

D.O.M., Take notes for your wife too! :-)

Yeah Drowsey's pretty funny.

Marvin the Martian said...

I myself have no patience with men. ;-) Were I a woman, I would be doubly impatient. I'm frankly surprised that women in general even bother.

Lauren said...

Marvin, Now that I have had this experience I understand why many women complain about men or say they don't really like sex. I have been lucky up until this point.

So Marvin, Should I even bother seeing this guy again as he asked for and if so how to approach this topic because it would have to be approached?

kenju said...

A woman I once knew said that she didn't care much for sex and I said,
Then you haven't had any good sex".

She answered that she had only had it with her husband. I felt really sorry for her.

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

You are sooooo right on!! You go girl! :)

Doula Lauren said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lauren said...

Kenju, so sad! I guess this experience helps me value my singlehood and empowered womanhood to know better for myself.

Sandy, LOL. Thanks!

To all, I am breaking it off with him tonight on the phone.