"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Where Should Lauren Go To Meet a Nice Jewish Single Guy in NYC?

Alright, Barbara states on her blog comments to me that she is going to live vicariously through my dating life because she is taking herself out of the "game". The pressure!!!
<----- So here I am asking all those visiting my site for some help. Especially from the male visitors.

Please give me ideas where to go to find a nice single Jewish man in NYC.

And for the LOVE OF G-D please tell me what men want to hear, because I am truly baffled.

At this point in my life I honestly cannot think of another way except online dating which I am not thrilled with. I have never been the bar/club type. I guess I should confess that I do like that alpha male type and I have had many of them as my boyfriends. But what seems to continually allude me is that it seems some huge shift has taken place over the last five years in the dating world where most single men are more invested in the chase, continual chase rather than connecting and partnering up.

I won't go into the whole song and dance, but life's circumstances put a stop to my dating life from 28-31. 31-32 I fell in love and he broke my heart. 34-36 I took time off for myself spiritually. At 36 I feel ready and whole and open. But as you can see by the blog posts from Barbara over at Writing From The Inside Out and myself it seems to be a sea of crapola out there.

I have heard the gammut of feedback ranging from : "Do you think you are just being picky?" to "The second you stop thinking about it and trying so hard he will show up."

Well, I can tell you that there have been many times in my life I haven't thought a lick about this and he didn't show up! And I don't think asking for an intelligent Jewish man close to my age with integrity, good character, kindness and honesty mixed with chemistry is too much to ask for.

So this is my Call To Action. If you have suggestions or even a fellow in mind who lives in my city please either leave a comment or email me at canubapartofmylife@gmail.com


Barbara (aka Layla) said...


Ok, this will be very interesting to see the responses you get. I will be sure to make mention of this on my blog in the next day or too. I have some awesome male readers (mostly married) that may have some input for you (and therefore all of us single women).

Perplexio said...

Hi, I'm one of the aforementioned married males who reads Barbara's blog.

I'll answer to the best of my abilities what guys are looking for, but please keep in mind I've been "out of the game" for nearly 6 years and married for over 2 and a half.

The woman I ended up marrying is in many ways my opposite... She's assertive, I'm passive. She's driven and I'm thorough and patient. We give each other some semblance of balance. She lights the fire under my toes a bit and I tame her impulses a bit and get her to think things through a bit more before taking action.

When I was looking for that special someone, while I won't lie that looks are/were important. They weren't of foremost importance to me. Looks fade over time. I wanted to find someone I could/would not only be attracted to now but someone with whom I could share excellent conversation when we're both old and gray.

I may not be the best of sources because for me it's never been about the "thrill of the chase" it's ALWAYS been about settling down with that special someone. In that regard, I believe I'm the exception, not the rule.

There is a blog I read by a single male Aussie in his mid-late 30s where he goes a bit more in depth trying to make men more understandable to women and to make women more understandable to men. His most recent posting is actually titled "Where to Find a Single Man." Anyway I've attached the link below as I think his insights may be of more help to you than mine are:

All Men Are Liars

Lauren said...

Thanks Perplexio! I have started to take a look at the site you mentioned. Very interesting.

I am wondering about your comment that you have never been into the chase. Many girlfriends and I have had the discussion that this seems to be key, that men just suddenly decide "ok I am ready to settle down" and their entire way of behaving changes and whomever happens to come into their life at that moment becomes their wife. Wondering if you have thoughts on this matter.

Perplexio said...

It didn't pan out quite that way with me. I didn't suddenly decide I wanted to settle down and just made sure that happened with the girl who is now my wife.

The girl I was with before my wife, I saw things going in that general direction. We were crazy about each other, we got along well and we really were the right people for each other at that point in our lives. I will say that girl helped me get my twenties out of my system a bit. The relationship was fun and relaxed. We never spoke of moving in together or taking that serious a step, we were just having fun and seeing where it was going.

Then when my wife & I started talking, things just kind of fell into place. I lived in Ohio, she lived in Chicago (if you're interested, here's the Full story). It was a long distance relationship and a concerted effort to make things work was made. I moved to Chicago, we moved in with each other, a few months later we were engaged, and then a couple years after that we got married.

I won't deny there are some guys out there who fit the description you mentioned. One day they just decide, "I'm sick of this dating thing, I want to settle down." If they're dating someone they re-double their efforts to make things work and make sure that she is the one. If they're not dating, their dating pursuits become a bit more serious. They aren't looking for casual flings any longer, they want someone to go the distance. So their whole demeanor on dates completely changes.