"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Monday, December 3, 2007

Do I Miss This Person Physically?

I was asked via email if I missed the man physically, that I recently left.


I miss the feeling of being desired that he did give me. Women need to feel this from the men that they are with. I believe that once I made him feel comfortable with my returned affection he felt he no longer needed to show this to me outside of the "intimate moments". Or perhaps he was just incapable of keeping this up.

I can't quite explain in words how bad this made me feel.

I loved how attracted he was to me. I loved hearing how amazing I was and that he never had anything like that with anyone else ever. I loved hearing that I was the absolute best he ever had been with intimately. It seemed to be the one truth he would allow me to hear. Because even as I was breaking things off he let me know this again. Even as I learned more details after I broke up with him, that hurt and angered me, he let me know this fact again. I loved being desired by him. Had he only been able to show this outside of those intimate moments...

I made the mistake of letting him know that I was missing the way he had shown me he desired me outside of the bedroom. Cardinal sin! I've never been a good "game player". I bet all my chips in that one move and lost everything.

What I received in response were defensive answers laden with excuses that were meant to put the blame back on me. Later through heated email exchanges did I realize that those responses were not honest, and he knew it, but were said because "I felt attacked and hurt."

Nuff said!

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