"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Breaking Up - Breaking Patterns...I hope!


I found this blog today. SUPERB!!! A comment left by a woman named Nada left me with my jaw completely dropped to the floor. It was an exact replica of the man I just dumped. And for those of you who have found my blog serendipitously, let me bring you in on an important detail of mine. I dumped this guy after 5 weeks of dating, 7 if you count the cyber-courtship.

She wrote:
"If I dig down into his past, this guy has a history of running away from relationships, or simply letting the girlfriends become so exhausted they are the ones who dump him. Then he keeps them as “friends” (I am one of them). He hasn’t got any real friends, at least not ones he cares about. It’s all “networking”. It is all image. Maybe some of them care for him, but they are not reciprocated. Unfortunately when you’re under the spell it is virtually impossible to see clearly as the facade is so powerful."

This is the first time I am writing publicly about my personal, dating life. My mind is filled with so many thoughts about this short-lived "affair" that I feel compelled to write write write.

The amazing writer from baggagereclaim.co.uk blogs about patterns and taking responsibility for the patterns we make and keep. Perhaps you think it just a tad much to have so much to say for such a short relationship. However, I am overflowing with thoughts/ideas/joy of the discovery of the breaking of my patterns (or at least this time around) by simply confronting and leaving him so early in "the game" as he so put it on his public blog.

Do I have my thoughts about "what if"? Yes. I certainly do. Because as most women who date like I do, when it is over, we don't have that narcissist to clutter the picture and we project healthy outcomes into the fantasy future. The truth is that I knew that I would just get more of the same, no matter what I changed/said/communicated, and that the only person I can control is myself. I had two choices: stay and accept or leave.

Sadly I wanted neither option. But for myself, I chose to leave, only this time I didn't do it without handing him the list of what wrongs he did. I made it crystal clear that it was he who created the drama and that I was not a willing player in his game.

As with Nada this guy has a long list of ex's as his "friends". I will not be one of them this time around. I will not accept "friends" in my life, only friends.

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