"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Unrealistic Expectations Men Have For Online Dating

As you all know, I signed up for a new service called crazyblinddate.com and made Barbara do the same.

I'm not going to give up on all this dating stuff. I truly believe that you have to use all the tools available and probably go through a lot of frogs to get to the "prince" and that each experience is a lesson.

However, to make a good and important point about what Barbara and I have been experiencing I am going to share my extremely recent experience using this site with you.

Crazyblinddate.com asks you for the minimum of information and takes your photos and scrambles it. Neither party gets to see the photo before meeting, hence the idea of a BLIND DATE.

You give your REAL name and your age (hopefully also real) and you specify neighborhoods you are willing to meet for 20 minutes with a selected date. They ask you things like what is your ideal first meeting: exchanging phone numbers, exchanging emails, exchanging saliva, hooking up. Seriously, they keep it simple. Then they ask you to choose an age range, and you can also choose, but do not have to choose, body shape, education and smoking. THAT'S IT!

I chose what is listed on this map by neighborhood for Manhattan, Midtown West, Chelsea, Greenwich Village, & Soho. I chose these areas because they are the easiest for me to get to in an hour with my subway line from Queens, the borough I live in.

For Queens I chose the following neigbhorhoods from another list they made available: Forest Hills, Astoria, Bayside, & Steinway.

So again, my criteria was religion: Jewish, age range 33-44, non-smoker, two-years of college.

I think that is extremly reasonable and a huge age range. I chose a lot of neighborhoods to meet in. All are accessible to most anyone in any borough within an hour.

What did this site immediately tell me?
"Perhaps you are being too picky? Consider changing the higher end of your age range and we can set you up on on at least 22 dates this week."

I think this tells a lot about the expectations of most single men who are doing online dating. I am 36 years old and not even a 44 year old man wants to date me because of my age. That is an eight year difference and it still isn't young enough for a 44 year old man to want to try a 20 minute blind date.

I think that there are some very good reasons why these men are still single at their old age. I think most women are extremely reasonable. I also think there are way too many young women who have given up on the idea that men wil be reasonable and have taken to finding stictly lovers. While I didn't ask for that type of relationship and was so angry because I was lied to to provide that to him, that is essentially what I had with DTM. It is just way too easily expected and with that out there and this unrealistic age desire from men, where does that leave women like me and Barbara?

The ironic thing about us is that both of us look younger than we are and both of us are hot and have so much to offer. Do we really have to resort to lying about our real age just to get men in the proper age range to consider us? Hmmm

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