"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Guess I Have To Find The Guy Who Doesn't Want A High Self Monitor Woman

"The best "catches" in dating land may be the worst choices in the long-run, new research shows. Popular people who monitor themselves carefully in social situations and thereby appear to be the most socially appropriate are often highly sought after as romantic partners, a study finds, but these people show less satisfaction and commitment in relationships than socially-awkward people. "

I think this may explain me to me! And also explain my experience very much with DTM. He was high self monitor and when I read this I laughed because in one of our very heated exchanges after I canned his ass, I remember distinctly writing something very similar about his personality to him and how it made him great in the corporate world but a very bad partner in his personal life.

I on the other hand am accepting that I am not a high self-monitor. I'd like to think I am just a down-to-earth gal that doesn't have time for the fakeness. I just don't like it. I'd rather the honesty and realness. Not rudeness, realness! There is a difference and I do know that and I expect that my (eventual) mate understands this too.

"High self-monitors are social chameleons," said Northwestern University professor of communication studies Michael E. Roloff."And, because they're quick to pick up on social cues, are socially adept and unlikely to say things upsetting to others, they are generally well-liked and sought after."...

"The desire to alter one's personality to appropriately fit a given situation or social climate prevents high self-monitors from presenting their true selves during intimate interactions with their romantic partners," Roloff said. "High self-monitors are very likeable and successful people. However, it appears they’re just not deep."

Full Article on Yahoo


Drowsey Monkey said...

Now that is VERY interesting. I think that describes me as well. Probably describes a lot of people. Hmmm...this is something to think about.

Anonymous said...

be your self how else can anybody fall in love with you..and not some image portrayed

Lauren said...

Drowsey - I think our personalities are very similar. I also think that most people that are our friends will be the same. We exist and we just need to find our male counterpart.

Robert- I agree! But it can be so hard to feel such a mismatch and misunderstood all the time. Oh well.