In My Closet

Robert has tagged me with a new Meme. He wants to know 8 things in the back of my closet. I have three tiny closests in my apartment. And I mean TINY.

Well besides a few skeletons and ghosts from my past, as Carrie would say from Sex and the City, here's pretty much what is hanging out back there:

1. clothes that dropped from the hanger that I never wear and didn't know dropped
2. shoes, tons of shoes, I am really good and keeping my shoes looking new and have many for many many many years, love me them shoes
3. old jewelry, mostly junk type stuff
4. a suitcase for whenever I can afford a vacation again
5. the phone cord that leads to the jack in the wall because the landlord put it in the back of the DARK closet with no light -- thanks Mr. landlord!
6. the swiffer mop
7. some pennies
8. an old alarm clock that still works but I don't like

There used to be all kinds of other fun and not so much fun stuff but this past October I moved. I shredded tons of old love letters from my first love ever, old photos of old boyfriends (which I almost typo'd just now boygrief -- don't know why, hmmm) and old bills. But moving is so much of a chore that I decided to use it as an excuse to get rid of the physical proof of past relationships because it is time to live in the present.

OK I have to tag three people...so says Grumpy!

Barbara

Darrin

Candace

For your Listening Pleasure...Or Maybe Not!

Robert was writing about some of his habits the other day over at his blog. One of his mentions was that he can go for hours driving without making a sound.

So it got me thinking that I could share with you what many of my car trips are like for me.



In my defense, I am holding a little video camera while driving, going over bumps.

A good male friend of mine said to me today, "sing to him and he will fall for you". Not so sure about THAT!

Anyway...I hope your ears didn't bleed!

Who's Older?

ME! HA!

I chatted with a new fellow on Jdate last night. I am no longer a paying member, however, if I log on I can sit and wait to receive IM's from guys that have some interest. And so it goes that a guy who is listed as 31 sent me an IM request.

He seems really fun from our chat. Good down-to-earth personality and sense of humor, at least from the chat. DISCLAIMER: I reserve the right to change my opinion at any time.

Jdate asks you to list your sign and so both of us did. We are both the same sign. He asked me,"Who is older?" and well I am sitting staring at this question LMAO! He then tells me his birthday is June 7th making him older than I am. Again even harder, LMAO!

The shit I have to do.

We made tentative plans to meet for coffee this Sunday. I am no longer living with a fever but I do have a terrible terrible cold which is totally kicking my ass today. So Sunday may have to be moved to another day, which I did explain to him last night and in a reply email to an off-site address I gave him. (Was nice to get an email so fast!)

Who's older? Bruhaaaaaa!

Update: Date changed to Thursday due to heavy duty head cold!

My Bug

To continue the theme started over at Drowsey's blog today I am sharing my bug story with you. Contrary to commentor Elliot from a few posts below I am not going to write about that "bug up my ass".

I do have a have a bug...I caught the flu. Just as I was saying to myself there is no way I will be catching that bug, as the news did a story about how it has hit every state, WHAM! And it was just like that. One day I was fine and then Sunday night I felt out of commission.

Yes, Mom and friends I am drinking lots of fluids, eating/drinking soup and since I am into non conventional medicine I am taking herbs. One is called Andrographis Complex made by Standard Process. It is an herbal anti-biotic and it tastes like licking a foot. But it really kicks the shit out of a virus and so 4 times a day I am taking 2 pills. I am also taking a whole foods calcium pill by the same company called Min Tran. According to my acupuncturist a fever is caused by calcium deficiency. So I am taking 4 of those pills 3 times a day. Those are smaller and don't taste as nasty.

I have been sweating this BUG out of me and while I don't feel well I do feel much better since starting this protocal yesterday afternoon.

It Keeps No Records Of Wrongs

I found this over at a new site that asked to advertise on my blog through entrecard.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I have been thinking on and off about a lot of wrong doings that I feel I experienced with that man from a few months ago, DTM. One of the things that came to mind was how I felt he kept a tally of wrongs and the immediate temper that went along with this attitude, not just for me, but to me about his past girlfriends.

In my search for the right man, I have had to allow myself to think about the things that are not acceptable to me, so that I don't repeat my mistakes. This issue was a big one for me. Ironically, today I found that wonderful quote on Heart Talk.

Fun Questions I Found Over At Pieces of Perplexio Pie

I wasn't tagged...Darrin didn't tag anyone. But I thought this was an interesting and fun exercise. So I open this up to all my blog readers who want to continue to share your answers with us too.

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays? Well considering I am Jewish and in case you forgot he was too, we would probably spend 15 minutes fighting over the check. (Mom will hate that answer!)

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt a new name. Queen of England. Hell if I have to flee to somewhere and choose a new name let me at least have power and money somewhere else.

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently? Canada (just kidding...that one was for Robert and Drowsey)

4. You wake up as the opposite gender. What's the one thing you wanna do? Well if I could wake up as one of my ex's then I would cut off my dick! HA! Revenge is so sweet. ;-)

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo? Luke, better costume.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child? I usually got what I wanted, because I only would ask for one nice thing each holiday season.

7. What's is your relationship status? single

8. Are you happy with it? Did you SEE my answer to number 4?

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you? Don't really watch scary movies.

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud? OK this one takes context...a bunch of female co-workers, including me were complaining about being tired. One says, "I am so tired, I just want to go home to my bed." I said, "Me too." OH BOY did that get a bad stare. (MY BED. MY BAD.)

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution: what do you want to eat? Darrin's answer was best. I believe he said prunes and other shit producing foods.

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done? Pick my career before the age of 30.

13. Before you die you want to go to...? Israel

14. What's the last thing you ate? bagel and coffee

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet? A trained monkey that will wash my dishes and scrub my bathroom clean.

16. A drug you'll never try? Acid.

17. If you were an animal, what would you be? Not sure.

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12, who would it be? I'm trying to think of the nerdiest boy in class, because he probably is some genius high up in Microsoft somewhere.

19. What's something a lot of people don't know about you? I am a prickly pear.

20. First celebrity crush? Kirk Cameron

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities? Rope

22. Best flavor of runts? Don't even know what this is.

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)? pancakes at Ihop.

24. Favorite parody movie? Better Off Dead

25. Worst way to die? I defer to Darrin's answer again, slowly.

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen? Dunno

27. The worst injury you've ever had? VV

29. Sport you hate the most? fishing, boring.

30. What state in the US do you want to visit? Alaska and Hawaii

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about? LIFE

32. Favourite Actor/Actress? Colleen Dewhurst

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest? I should not have lied to you. (Not so much the phrase but the fact it has to be said.)

34. What makes an awesome party? The people of course.

35. What's your favorite material possession? Two rings from my grandmothers.

36. What's something that most consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you? You're so different.

37. Favorite kind of dog(s)? I can't remember the breed, if you know it help me out. Larger than a pomeranian but smaller than a huskey. They are really furry but not too big. So cute!

38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)? Churros

39. Morning or night person? Night

41. Weirdest Ebay purchase? An Iggy Pop pin for an employee who LOVED him.

42. Life the Universe and Everything. Hmmm

43. Its Saturday at 3am. Where are you? Sleeping with my beshart :-) (soon I hope)

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with? Too many to mention.

45. Worst job you've ever had? Various retail jobs through out college.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for? You'd have to ask them. I am sure plenty.

47. Favorite cereal? None.

48. Book you could read repeatedly? Clan of the Cavebear.

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done? I can't share this one with you. Too mean.

50. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive? If we win the war, then I hope so. If we lose let me die.

Brainscan

Barbara had an interesting and very fun post today with a link to a site called brainscannr.

Here's what mine looks like. And I would have to say it is pretty darn accurate. Hmmm?

See my brainscanner results

I Was Asked Out Today

Now before you all get excited for me I said no.

I had a very interesting week to say the least and a very interesting morning today. And while I won't be sharing most of those very interesting stories I will tell you what happened to me at the end of the day on my commute home from Manhattan.

I happened to catch a bus to the train and decided to sit at the very front. Across from me is a much older black gentleman. He had to be at least 65 years old. I notice him staring at me, but I wasn't sure why. I asked him to press the button to alert the driver I needed the next stop seeing that there was no button near my seat. OBG gets off the bus the same time as me. Hmmm

He walks next to me and politely says, "You should never cut your hair."

I smiled, "Yes, men like hair."

He started to tell me about a wedding band he is in and I thought to myself, ok now I know why he is talking to me, he wants to give me his band's info and network. OK! I asked him for his card. He didn't have one...his partner handles the website which is about up now. Hmmm I gave him my business card and said he could send me his site and I would be happy to list it on my "other interesting services" part of my website.

Then he smiles and says, he would love to continue talking and have coffee sometime. I told him politely, "Oh I am sorry, I have a boyfriend."

OBG then said the NICEST thing. "You tell him he is one lucky man! It was nice talking to you. Have a nice evening."

What a nice gift!
(OH...I have a hair cut appointment already scheduled for Saturday. HA :)

My Dating Life In Video Format

This toilet is so high off the ground my toes won't reach the floor -- I'm only 5 ft! So this toilet seat is sort of the metaphor for my dating life...what I want is just a little out of reach for me and puts me totally in the crapper.

And so like these NYC Subway workers fixing the tracks, I too will continue to work on my dating life. :-)

Thoughts On Being Single at 36

I grew up during an era where little girls were taught that we could be anything, where age and gender didn't matter. It was drummed into our heads and I believed it. I still do hold these values. Partially my mother imparted these ideas onto me and partially society, the media, my teachers and peers. Most of the people who imparted these ideas onto me and my generation never actually experienced what they taught us. They were trying to make the world as they wished it were for them.

I am a strong-minded person. I always agreed with these ideas and at the risk of completely repeating myself...I STILL DO.

Here's the problem with this: I, as a single woman, at the age of 36 (-5 ha) who lived these values, took her time to develop herself never thinking that after I crossed the line of 35 I would become the undesirable to still single men, am dealing with a very strange breed of men.

Men of my age who are married somewhere along the lines learned and live the ideals of the art of compassion for their mates differences and desires. They understand what is appropriately up for debate in a relationship and what is not. They allowed themselves to fall in love and accept and respect the little differences in their mates habits such as one person needing to be very organized and the other not. And infact they realize how important that difference is to the balance of their positive relationship. If infact if both parties were both extremely organized people chances are there would be too many challenges for who was in charge. Think the show on TLC "Jon & Kate Plus 8". Kate is a self labeled organized germaphobe and Jon is more laid back and lets Kate run the show in the house. It works precisely because they are NOT the same in that very area.

Single men today of a certain age, just do not seem to understand this idea. I have met single man after single man, who show this same lack of understanding or willingness to experience this in a relationship over and over and over. He comes in all packages: tall, short, heavy, thin, educated, less educated, pretty, ugly...doesn't matter.

Sure, they will SAY they aren't looking for a clone of themselves, but the truth is, if you listen to them when they speak on these dates, that IS what they are looking for. And AIN'T NOBODY CAN BE THAT FOR NOBODY!

Yin/Yin or Yang/Yang doesn't work.

There's a big part of me that regrets taking so long to work on myself. But I really didn't have a choice. This is what my life presented to me and I worked with it. I never in my wildest dreams thought I was losing time...until now.

I thought I was living the dream I was taught I could have.

Yes, there are men who understand the yin/yang principle. And many of them are my friends. And most of them are married.

I honestly do not understand the mindset of these men. They choose singlehood at a very much older age over simple compromise and compassion for another person's needs that would lead them to a great relationship with a woman.

"Super Jew" has a woman "friend" who he enjoys very much, shares thoughts with and is even planning a huge pleasure trip to Africa with. But she does not fit the bill of a girlfriend for him or a wife simply because "she is too rigid with her time...if I call her on a Monday to ask for plans on a Wednesday she has told me it isn't enough advance notice." Said "friend" is still very much front and center in his life but he'll never take it to the next level because of this difference, which he cannot see is the exact reason (well one of many I am sure) why they should be together. This would compliment them.

"Super Jew" on our walk back to my train made rude comment number ...I lost track, about his friends having too many children, people who should not. Of course I am going to ask why. "It's strange to see a woman you went to college with and throw up outside a window from being so drunk, now have three kids."

I truly ask you to take a good hard look at that thought I shared with you that he expressed because I think that is extremely telling not only of "Super Jew" but of MOST single men left for me to date.

In their eyes we cannot be multi-dimentional. We cannot mature in our relationships and grow from one way to another or consider our partners wants. If we were the party girl who vomited out a window -- guess what folks, we are labeled thusly and have doomed ourselved to enternal singlehood because we decided we too could have just as much fun as the boys were having.

I really am trying not to be bitter. It is hard but I am doing my best.

I need to be with the man who allows me to be me, doesn't have an obsessive need to know from a first date if I will think and act just like he does on these minor issues like organizing my schedule. Just because I am living one way doesn't mean I cannot be flexible.

I need to be with the man that understands that the art of compromise is the key to a great long-lasting relationship.

I don't want a clone of myself. I do want shared values. Understanding the art of compromise is a shared value. Not liking to cook vs liking to cook is not a shared value, it is a preference. PREFERING to have your schedule planned out is a PREFERENCE not a value and should not be a need to determine if you could ever possibly be a girlfriend or a wife.

Whatever happened to the days where you really enjoyed the other person so much so, that you slowly learned about them, their likes and dislikes and learned slowly to accept them or change them for the other person to be more comfortable?????

I have taken the following from a great site called Daily Om. I believe is cleary illustrates my feelings on this subject:

Small changes allow us to grow into a new habit and make it a permanent part of our lives, whereas sudden changes may cause a sense of failure that makes it difficult to go on, and we are more likely to revert to our old ways. By embarking on the path slowly, we have the chance to look around and consider other options as we learn and grow. We have time to examine the underlying values of the desire for change and find ways to manifest those feelings, whether it looks exactly like our initial goal or not. Taking small steps forward gives us time to adjust and find secure footing on our new path.

Drowsey's Experiment 101

Drowsey has it right. This IS like a science experiment only it's real...my real life. And I am beginning to understand Barbara a little more, although I don't fully agree with all of her conclusions. I personally cannot believe I am even in a position to do something like this. I must have been living with blinders before the age of 35...oops I forgot I haven't turned that age yet. I am now and forever 31.

Last night I logged onto my online dating profile and made myself 5 years younger. Low and behold look what shows in MY MATCHES: 41, 39, 42 and 38. To be fair ONE of these men did ask for women closer to his age and I talked with him many months ago. We just weren't a good match for each other.





















Next I opened up the window to show who has been looking at my profile now that I am suddenly 5 years younger:





















<----This guy I had coffee with today. I will write more about HIM later. OY VEY! Now look at coffee guy, who made a joke about how women always make up names for the guys they are seeing to speak about with their girlfriends, and funny enough, that is about the only analyzation of me he got right today. I will call him as promised "super jew" just because it sounds so funny. It's kind of like calling a fat person slim for a nick name. Look closely at his age. Now look at his "My Ideal Match"


He will go with a SMOKER and doesn't care if the person is divorced, separated or widowed but not a woman over 35. Now to be somewhat fair he is 34, but he does list 35. And if you are thinking it is because these are manufactured age ranges you have to choose from, think again. Here's someone else's age range choice.








Amongst other things that I learned about "Super Jew" in our one and half hour date, he strongly feels that it is very important to have shared values for a lifelong mate to the point that simply really enjoying dating a women and finding her fun and attractive is not enough to make him want to take it to the next level. OH REALLY NOW. So a non-smoker will date a smoker as long as she is under 35...how's that for shared values. LIAR!

This man told me he has a girl "friend" whom he is going to go on a trip to Africa with, but they are "just friends". And although he would love to hook up with her (oh yes he told me this) he knows they would not be a good match in the long run because they don't share values. OK I ask what is it exactly since he told me he loves spending time with her and thinks she is hot. Well, she has time issues...you see if he calls her on a Monday for plans for Wednesday, she has told him it isn't enough time in advance to ask her for plans.


28-36 age range


Now here's a guy that looked at me sometime since I made myself 31. He is 38 YET this asshole wants to date women 25-35. He won't even consider dating someone 36-38. 35 is the OLDEST he will consider, YET he will date someone who smokes.
So basically a smoker is more desireable than I am simply because I am over 35 And this is not a young guy mind you. He is OLDER THAN I AM!













Stay tuned as I am going to write my thoughts about the actual coffee date I had today with "Super Jew".

Lauren Drops Five Years

I've always wanted to get away with being younger ;-) And now I have. I have been told my entire life I look younger than I am. Since men of my age won't touch women of my age I guess I have just decided to play their stupid game.

I changed my age on my dating profile to 31. YES, that is how old I am from now on in the dating world. And it is no surprise that I pulled it off.

I chatted with a very nice young man of 34 tonight. And he did not suspect that I am not the age I listed. We are meeting for coffee Monday afternoon in Manhattan. He's 5' 8 and the build I like, not skinny! He was funny and his photo was adorable.

I'm keeping to my plan. 1 hour or less for a first time meet. A coffee date is short and therefore is an easy way to split fast, if we hate each other and I think it is fairly easy to tell that in 10 minutes or less anyway.

I looked at the profiles of the guys who checked me out tonight and surprise surprise they were all pretty much my age, which was NOT happening before at only 5 years older. Since what they see is a photo after putting in the age range and hitting the search button, g-d I really hate to say it because I know there are a lot of male readers of my blog, but men are just stupid!

But I absolutely refuse to sit home dateless and be angry and bitchy because of a number. If I want to meet a man close in age to me this is just how I am going to have to do this from now on.

The Barbara Award

I am posting this award here for Barbara. I know no one else more deserving of this mention.

Meeting her a few months ago through creating this blog has transformed my life for the better. She probably has no idea just how important she is to me.

Here is a woman who listens to me and is still my friend even on my bitchiest of days. She never makes me hide "my ugly" and loves me no matter what.

This is an extreme rarity in this world and I wanted to honor her with this award to, in some small way, show her how much she means to me.

The words are in no particular order. Take your pick, they are all equal and important and valuable. I just love her!

Thank you for being A Part Of My Life!

Unrealistic Expectations Men Have For Online Dating

As you all know, I signed up for a new service called crazyblinddate.com and made Barbara do the same.


I'm not going to give up on all this dating stuff. I truly believe that you have to use all the tools available and probably go through a lot of frogs to get to the "prince" and that each experience is a lesson.


However, to make a good and important point about what Barbara and I have been experiencing I am going to share my extremely recent experience using this site with you.


Crazyblinddate.com asks you for the minimum of information and takes your photos and scrambles it. Neither party gets to see the photo before meeting, hence the idea of a BLIND DATE.

You give your REAL name and your age (hopefully also real) and you specify neighborhoods you are willing to meet for 20 minutes with a selected date. They ask you things like what is your ideal first meeting: exchanging phone numbers, exchanging emails, exchanging saliva, hooking up. Seriously, they keep it simple. Then they ask you to choose an age range, and you can also choose, but do not have to choose, body shape, education and smoking. THAT'S IT!



I chose what is listed on this map by neighborhood for Manhattan, Midtown West, Chelsea, Greenwich Village, & Soho. I chose these areas because they are the easiest for me to get to in an hour with my subway line from Queens, the borough I live in.






















For Queens I chose the following neigbhorhoods from another list they made available: Forest Hills, Astoria, Bayside, & Steinway.







So again, my criteria was religion: Jewish, age range 33-44, non-smoker, two-years of college.

I think that is extremly reasonable and a huge age range. I chose a lot of neighborhoods to meet in. All are accessible to most anyone in any borough within an hour.


What did this site immediately tell me?
"Perhaps you are being too picky? Consider changing the higher end of your age range and we can set you up on on at least 22 dates this week."


I think this tells a lot about the expectations of most single men who are doing online dating. I am 36 years old and not even a 44 year old man wants to date me because of my age. That is an eight year difference and it still isn't young enough for a 44 year old man to want to try a 20 minute blind date.


I think that there are some very good reasons why these men are still single at their old age. I think most women are extremely reasonable. I also think there are way too many young women who have given up on the idea that men wil be reasonable and have taken to finding stictly lovers. While I didn't ask for that type of relationship and was so angry because I was lied to to provide that to him, that is essentially what I had with DTM. It is just way too easily expected and with that out there and this unrealistic age desire from men, where does that leave women like me and Barbara?

The ironic thing about us is that both of us look younger than we are and both of us are hot and have so much to offer. Do we really have to resort to lying about our real age just to get men in the proper age range to consider us? Hmmm

Top 10 Reasons Why You'd Want To Be In A Relationship With Me

In speaking with Barbara last night I came up with an interesting idea for myself and my blog.

It's not an easy thing to toot your own horn. But I thought it might be fun to make a list of reasons why a great Jewish man should want to be in a relationship with me and list them here. Hell, if I can't come up with them, why should anyone else right?

So here goes:

1. I have a great sense of humor.
2. I laugh many times a day.
3. I know how to find the bright side of ALMOST any situation.
4. I am supportive of my friends’ choices regardless if they are ones I would choose.
5. I am fairly low-maintenance in most areas.
6. I’m as good a listener as I am a talker.
7. Although I am not very traditionally religious I am very spiritual.
8. I’m honest and faithful.
9. When I love, I love with my entire heart and soul.
10. I am emotionally generous.

Barbara and I had another idea and this one is a bit more risky although I am seriously considering doing it just for the exercise. As you all know, I have been having fun with my Flip Video Camera. I thought it might be funny, if nothing else, to approach random people in the neighborhood where I live and ask them to tell all of you why a guy should go out with me and then post the responses. Think Carson Daily's How To Look Good Naked's show ending where they ask people on the street if the person on the billboard looks good naked.

Here's YOUR chance to egg me on to actually follow through on this or not. Looking forward to your comments. (I think.)

Hightlights of Dress Shopping

For the third time in my life I am going to be a bridesmaid. Not the word I was hoping to achieve next in my life. Minus the MAID part and I'd be set. But alas, my brother is batting out of order and I am fulfilling familial obligations.

My sister-in-law seems nice enough. I am not so crazy about her friend who happens to be married to her brother however. And this woman is her bridesmatron.

The last two times I was a bridesmaid was a long time ago when good friends of mine were getting married. One of those two times I was allowed to choose anything I wanted and the second the dress was chosen for all of us and we just had to buy it in our size. And that time it turned out to be a nice dress that we could wear to work. Elegant but not a bridesmaid type of dress at all.

This time I was asked to go shopping with the bride and the matron and pick out a dress. But I learn as I arrive that we don't have to choose the same dress. And I am thinking, why oh why did I have to come with you two, who I barely know and the other I don't know at all to pick out a dress if we don't have to choose the same thing. But I went along.

The friend's attitude toward me reminded me of the following sound: think the most nasaling NEENEENEENEENEE you can imagine. No matter what I had to say to offer I got a snide look and that kind of tone. UGH! The girl is prego and I happen to know alot about what happens to a women when you are prego as it relates to my chosen profession. I purposely do not mix my work-life on this blog so you'll forgive me for not futher explaining and trust me please.

Now this is a subject that I am highly sought after for my opinions by all people in all settings and I am just not used the the 'tude I received when I tried to explain to this first time prego what was going to happen to her body and how she should try to pick out a dress to accomodate it. You would have thought I was a rude friggin' know it all. I got that look you get when someone is trying to ignore you to let you know your "opinion" isn't welcome but trying not to be 100% rude.

Here's the funny thing about me, I'd rather she were 100% rude to my face. That way I could look into her eye and tell her off! And funny enough not 2 minutes after I tried to explain all these things to her the helpers in the first store start asking her some prego questions and then explain the exact information I did.

Can you say bitch?

So they start to talk about lunch. And I say, "What would you like? Italian, Mexican, Chinese...?" And pregobitch snottily says, "I think we just want normal lunch!" Then she suggest Hale and Hearty, which is a soup place. And she can't stop telling us how she knows all about NYC because she worked here so many years. Even the effing train line I wanted to take to Macy's for our next dress outting today, I was told that I didn't know about and she knew better.

I really hate women who are like this and really any people who behave this way. I just can't stand it. I am not used to being treated in this manner and it brings out the worst in me.

I am already not crazy about being in this wedding party and I am confronted with bitch-lite.

So me being me when we finally get to Macy's to try on more dresses before we have our "normal lunch" we are trying to find other floors to look at dresses before we go to the bridal shop and "friend" says yet again something about Ann Taylor and going to Bloomingdales to try on her stuff.

If you know anything about this designer you know that she cuts her clothes for extremely skinny girls. I am curvatious and I happen to know that I don't fit well in her regular stuff. So after hearing this a few times, and feeling like she was just rudely bitchy and negating to me for the last hour I blurted out,"Just what is your obsession with Ann Taylor?" And when she tried to set me up to be the mean one in all this and tell me we could get anything tailored that she made I again blurted out rather loudly that, "I am sure I cannot get my left tit in anything she designs."

There were other little moments but I think you all understand the day I experienced with those little tid bits.

Generally, I am a really calm, sweet and fun woman to be around. Push me and I will push right back and be obnoxious in the right setting.

On the way home at 34th Street I had the opportunity to see these guys perform in the subway. They had a huge crowd and I weaseled my way through and got this for all of you.

I hope you enjoy.

A Little Public Humiliation Never Hurt Anyone

Today I went on a lunch date with a guy I met from Jdate a few weeks ago. I told him before we met I wanted to meet as friends and let it be that and if something moved to another step later great and if not so be it we made another good friend.

We met at John's Pizza in Times Square. They have amazing pizza that you cannot order by the slice. This time was my treat. We met for about 1.5 hours and then I went on my way and he went to a party for a few hours he was invited to.

It was light and easy and fun and no stress and I liked it. I like being friends with this guy.

He works for a major NYC newspaper and had some fun inside gossip. I am not going to share it at the moment. Google would lead him to this blog and for now I want this to remain mine with my readers and not have a guy I am dating find it.

BUT he did tell me about a new site called crazyblinddate.com I decided to check it out tonight. It is free and you can use it if you live in Austin, Boston, Chicago, DC, NYC, LA or San Fran Bay.

The concept is simple. Fill in a bit about yourself as in, you are looking for sex, relationship, same race etc...After a few hops skips and jumps they text you and then email you confirmation that you are you.

You then choose a day you want to get set up for a 20 minute date. You do not get to see the photo of the person. You can see a scrambled version of the photo but that is all. They ask that if you sign up and agree to the match you show up. If you hate the person you need to agree to stay for 20 minutes and then leave. Obviously if all goes well it is up to you from there.

So here's the public humiliation. I pushed Barbara to do this with me. I figure if I tell all of you, then the pressure is on to follow-through along with me. As the title of this post says,"A little public humilition never hurt anyone."

The way I see it is that it is a numbers game. To get to the right guy for us, we have to be willing to just get out there and go through the garbage if need be. Will we face a lot of rejection? PROBABLY. But it's good practice to get our skills up so that when "Mr. Right For Us" does come along we are polished and ready for him.

So far, unless I am willing to agree to meet someone with less education than myself AND is older than 45 they don't have a match for me on the date I chose to get set up. But I will keep trying.

In the meantime I will be dragged around Manhattan tomorrow to find a bridesmaid's dress for my brother's wedding in August. Let's hope I do not have to look like a purple jelly bean!

Romance Blooms In NYC Cupid Cab

Story here

Guess I Have To Find The Guy Who Doesn't Want A High Self Monitor Woman

"The best "catches" in dating land may be the worst choices in the long-run, new research shows. Popular people who monitor themselves carefully in social situations and thereby appear to be the most socially appropriate are often highly sought after as romantic partners, a study finds, but these people show less satisfaction and commitment in relationships than socially-awkward people. "

I think this may explain me to me! And also explain my experience very much with DTM. He was high self monitor and when I read this I laughed because in one of our very heated exchanges after I canned his ass, I remember distinctly writing something very similar about his personality to him and how it made him great in the corporate world but a very bad partner in his personal life.

I on the other hand am accepting that I am not a high self-monitor. I'd like to think I am just a down-to-earth gal that doesn't have time for the fakeness. I just don't like it. I'd rather the honesty and realness. Not rudeness, realness! There is a difference and I do know that and I expect that my (eventual) mate understands this too.

"High self-monitors are social chameleons," said Northwestern University professor of communication studies Michael E. Roloff."And, because they're quick to pick up on social cues, are socially adept and unlikely to say things upsetting to others, they are generally well-liked and sought after."...

"The desire to alter one's personality to appropriately fit a given situation or social climate prevents high self-monitors from presenting their true selves during intimate interactions with their romantic partners," Roloff said. "High self-monitors are very likeable and successful people. However, it appears they’re just not deep."

Full Article on Yahoo

Snow In New York

It snowed last night. Today it is all gone.

This video is little long, but you can slide the video to get to the middle where you can see the amazing million dollar homes I live around. I don't live in one. I live in a pre-war apartment building surrounded by those amazing historic homes.

Enjoy!

I Gave My Number/Card To a Beautiful Guy On The Train This Morning

I have no idea if this man will use the number but it was an exciting experience.

First, he got on the train at my subway stop that I also get on to go into the city. Second, he smelled YUMMY...oh so good. I was smitten! Third, he was my exact physical type.

I caught him looking at me many times. I tried really hard to smile while not making direct eye contact. I am a bit of a wus about that.

I seized my opportunity to move next to him, leaning on the door as another person left that spot and departed the train. He was listening to his iPod. I grabbed my business card from my coat pocket and held it until I saw him get ready to leave the train and go to work.

At Lexington Avenue, I made my move...now or never.

"Excuse me." handed the card. He said and smiled, "Thank you." I said, "Nice to meet you." And he smiled and pointed to his earpods, "Sorry about these." And I said,"No problem, you have my card." Smile!!! He said "OK" smiling and left.

I have no idea who he is, what he does or how old he is etc...he may never call. Either way I had a fun experience. I'll let you know.

My Deeper Dating Experience

Well as usual I have a lot of my mind. I went to another singles event this Sunday at the 92ndStreetY. It's a famous Y and has a lot of programs and gets a lot of famous entertainers performing and lecturing there. That wasn't the case with this event however. This one is called Deeper Dating. I thought it would be more lecture and tips and less meet and greet but that wasn't my experience.

I was a bit nervous realizing just how much forced interaction I was about to partake in. And I should note that there were about 8 men and 16-17 women. No surprises there! And before I go into all my other thoughts...I was offered one phone number, gave out my number to one guy (not the same person) and got an immediate call from that person before I could even arrive home for the evening.

Anyway...

If there is ONE THING I know well about me is that I don't really like to be unprepared or surprised in most situations. Now that doesn't mean you can't throw me a surprise birthday party or anything like that. That's a fun surprise!

And that thought brings me to another issue of differences between men and woman. I am pretty darn positive that if I said the very same thoughts about not be comfortable being unprepared and surprised [in context with this dating stuff...] to a guy I was either friends with or dating, he would only hear that I don't like surprises rather than seeing that the issue I am bringing forth is not the surprise element but when I am surprised that I don't like at all.

And I think that many women reading this blog understand this all too well and are probably nodding their heads and thinking about many examples that relate to their own spouses and partners making this mistake as well.

This thought brings me back to the seminar I went to earlier this week, when the presenter pointed out that men aren't multi-taskers like women. They hear one thing and go with it. Women on the other hand, are seeing all the possibilites and thinking about how we will do this or that.

Now before Darrin and Robert comment protesting what I JUST SAID, here's something from a male's blog I read today making my point for me:

Men in general cannot multitask. That is why when you are on a date, your eyes glaze over while you stare at woman’s cleavage and all you hear is bla,bla,bla (to be fair you’re probably not missing much, but that’s not the point here).
So how do geeks differ? It is not that geeks do not appreciate breasts (they are men after all) but what’s almost universally common in geeks is the presence of old-fashioned chivalry and plain old good manners. You’d be surprised at how far that can get you with a girl (as long as you don’t roll over and play dead).
Given the choice between breasts and listening to the bla bla of their new lady friend, odds are that the geek will be discreet in his stares and learn to multitask. Hey, you can’t avoid great cleavage…

But I digress...

At Deeper Dating which was run by a therapist who says she practices Imago Therapy , which I just myself looked up, she mentioned a few key things to make dating and finding a lifelong mate work better for us.

We are to set personal goals of where we need to grow. -CHECK
Some examples of this would be to know if we have trouble looking people in the eye or become a better listener or that we need to be more bold and walk up to at least one person at a new event and start a conversation with them.

We are to set ONLY 3 Deal Breakers and these cannot change based on who we meet. These three deal breakers automatically make the person who has them stamped rejected for us. I have to think long and hard about these. I know one of mine is that my life partner MUST be Jewish. I am not looking for a religious Jewish man. I am looking for a Jewish man who indentifies culturally with his faith and wants to raise his children Jewish. If you want to know more about this topic in particular - please let me know on the comments. I was asked about this today by a good friend and I am happy to put my thoughts about this subject online if asked. The other two I must give thought to.

I do know that he must have certain personality traits. But those do not go into the deal breaker category she mentions. Those are things that are used to automatically elimate someone.

She says past those 3 deal breakers the rest become possibilities.

She did say that one of the things that makes singles in their 30's and 40's very special and lucky is that because we stayed single we had the opportunity to work on ourselves and develop ourselves more than those who paired up younger. Once you pair up this tends to slow down and other issues are then worked on.

In scanning the information on Imago therapy one glaring issue popped out at me:
"We marry someone who is an Imago match, that is, someone who matches up with the composite image of our primary caretakers. This is important because we marry for the purpose of healing and finishing the unfinished business of childhood. Since our parents are the ones who wounded us, it is only they who can heal us. Not them literally, but a primary love partner who matches their traits."

I do agree that this happens for most people. However, with me and a handful of friends I know, we have done GREAT work on our own, through our past dating and relationship experiences and have a great understanding of who we are, our childhood wounds and have healed them on our own. I know I have. Mostly! And I am not looking for this kind of relationship. I AM looking for something and someone very different to marry. And I am looking to get married!

I am looking for a healthy partnership where both parties love and respect one another, value their differences, samenesses, and come together for our healthy traits not the ones that need to be healed, as we are basically healed on our own and can be a comfort to each other when needed but not there for each other to work out old issues, as they are done. I am looking for the man that I can enjoy the rest of my life with.

Now here's something interesting that Imago Therapy believes in:
"We move into the Power Struggle as soon as we make a commitment to this person. The Power Struggle is necessary, for imbedded in a couple's frustrations lie the information for healing and growth."
I have always said, on this blog and to friends and even men I have dated that this is a normal part of relationships. However, I have noticed that almost each and every time this stage begins, sometimes earlier than later, that this is when the men I am with completely BAIL! At the first sign of a difference of thought or misunderstanding, when any kind of work to make things be stronger between us must happen for us to continue, he is done! If it ain't completely 100% fun he is not interested. I believe this is called the Peter Pan Syndrome and more recently the Man-Boy situation.

I am willing to put in as much as I say I want to get out of a relationship. I am looking for the male who can say and do the same, who wants to spend his life with me.

The facilitator told us to be bold and not to be afraid to say what it is we want. She told us that she told everyone who asked her the year before she met her husband, who happens to be 12 years younger than she is, that she wanted to be married.

OK! I WANT TO BE MARRIED and in a GOOD MARRIAGE.

This One's For The Girls

I learned a new catch phrase at this seminar this past week. It's called "trying you on."

Here's what this is. You're out with a guy, dating him, short or long-term, doesn't matter, he turns to you and asks you or says to you:

Do you like to ski?
Do you like the beach?
My mother would love that you are Jewish/Catholic etc.

This is trying you on. He is thinking outloud. NOTHING MORE. In the terms this group uses this DOES mean he is "charmed and enchanted" and he wants to picture you in those settings with him.

However, unless you hear an actual date used, such as, "Would you like to go skiing with me on March 8?" or "I'd like you to meet my mother. Are you available this Saturday to go visit her?" he is ONLY "charmed and enchanted" and is NOT making any plans with you, is not even thinking about the future at all. He is simply verbalizing a fantasy. Pretend you never heard it from him.

Funny how men rarely verbalize and yet when they do, they do this... which of course is going to make any woman think he is thinking seriously about us. I am sorry to dissapoint any of the male readers on this next thought but it just seems like common sense to me that if you are speaking out loud about this kind of thing you have to expect that a woman is going to think you are telling her you see a future with her. But I will accept the new information I have been given and move forward accordingly.

So I impart this new information on my female readers and I hope this helps you at some point.

And for the male readers may I PLEASE request that you stop "trying us on" outloud and only do this when you have decided you truly are serious about the woman you are with and want to have a future with us?

What Are The Five Words That Spring Men Into Action For Women

At the seminar I went to this past week the presenter mentioned that there are five words that if used by women will spring men into action. And it was no surprise that she wouldn't give us those five words. For about $500 I could take her two day seminar in March where she will give that information to the participants.

So I am asking ALL the men who stop by my blog to please be honest and leave what you know to be these words or phrases that make you decide to care about a woman. I am not talking about sexual attraction I am talking about caring about us, wanting to be in a relationship with us.

Think: you are dating a woman and are having fun. What is it that makes you want to take it to the next level?

What do you need to hear?

This Nice Jewish Girl Watched Joel Olsteen This Morning

I caught the preacher Joel Olsteen on television this morning. Just a few minutes of his lecture. Just the parts I needed to hear. As soon as he ended his show with his praise Jesus stuff...well this nice Jewish gal was switching the dial. I could do without the religious aspect. Spirituality and lessons appeal to me and I personally think that the message comes through in all religions and it is just a matter of finding the leader who can show this to you.

He was telling the story of a young couple who had an apartment together but could not afford to buy a home. But they had a plan. They put money aside for their church of course (it is a religious show) and then they also decided to put 10% of what was left of their earnings each week into a fund to start saving for a home they could purchase. As they are saving, they go to a bank and ask what they would need to put down on a house in a specific neighborhood they love. They find out the number and learn it will take them about six or seven years. They continue to save and are happy they have set their goal and have a plan. Each week they go to the neighborhood they picked out and walk around and keep their dream alive and talk about what it will be like in those few years when they have the money they need for the bank to give the loan.

One day on one of these walks, they meet the builder of this neigborhood who asks them if they want to purchase the house he is currently building. They tell him they would but they are in the process of saving money for the down payment and will have to wait a few years. The builder, whom they only spoke with for five minutes asks them how much money they have. While they do have a few thousand dollars it isn't nearly enough for a down payment. The builder tells them if they will put that money down he will finance the rest.

Olsteen goes on to explain that if you have a plan, if you have goals you will be provided with the bigger miracles. He says, and I agree, that you can't just say you like or don't like things, want or don't want things. If you want g-d, the universe, spirit, whatever you want to call him/her, to provide for you, you have to do your part. In other words, if these same people talked about wanting a home but were not planning and working hard, they would not have been provided with the opportunity from the builder.

I agree.

While my goal is not to own a home at this time, I do believe that I heard this story for a reason this morning. It was comforting to hear him talk about goals and plans, that get us ready for the things we do want. This year one of my biggest goals is to understand men and meet my bashert: Part of Speech: n Definition: a person's soulmate, considered as predestined or ideal
Etymology: Yiddish 'destiny, fate'

I have signed up for a few seminars and courses and listen to all the helpful advice all of you leave me, to help me attain these goals. According to this preacher, and I agree with his message, it isn't so much the what of what you do, but the doing of what you do. You do your part honestly and you will be provided for.

I am doing my part!

Seminar I Went To This Week On "Understanding Men"

I went to a free seminar which I have decided not to give the full title. Basically they are selling the idea that they have all the answers for women to understand men and they do a similar seminar where they market it with the word "satisfying" for the male counterpart to the women's seminar.

Here's the first issue I have with this: SATISFYING in their title. Let me tell you something from my recent experience, THIS is all the men are really interested in when they go to these functions. Learning how to perform sex better.

For all the male readers that stop by (and I love each and every one of you) let me save you all the money you might spend on one of these things and tell you right now, if you are taking care of me or any women EMOTIONALLY you are going to automatically experience better sex with us. IT IS THAT SIMPLE!!!!

Now before you start writing to me that my girlfriend has a physical problem blah blah...I am not taking into consideration medical issues.

Men: If you are going to take these classes with the INTENT on really understanding how women think and feel so you can communicate better with us and not to use it as a tool to manipulate I am all for this. Unfortunately I just didn't experience this with DTM.

One of the reasons I wanted to sign up for this seminar was because I knew that these people went into his cult and gave this same lecture. I wanted to understand some of the words and actions I had perpetrated..achem I mean experienced upon me a few months back. It was bewildering.

What I can tell you I got from this experience this week was that although I did not approve of the things DTM participated in nor the way he went about things with me at all, there were some things he was desperately trying to tell me, with this language they use and teach, and I just didn't understand it at all. In fact when he was trying to tell me he was really into me I was hearing something very different.

The speaker started out telling us straight off the bat the following and funny enough this is exactly how my "relationship" with DTM started out as well. Hmmmm

Men are reacting to women and we can inspire the behavior we want.

They keyword is inspire. After a few hours with DTM where to be honest I was on the fence and a little baffled by some things I saw, but charmed by his affection, we took a walk together. It was still warm out although it was October. On that walk he turned to me and said "you inspire me." HUH?

in·spire verb, -spired, -spir·ing. –verb (used with object)
1.to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence: His courage inspired his followers.
2.to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.): to inspire confidence in others.
3.to fill or affect with a specified feeling, thought, etc.: to inspire a person with distrust.
4.to influence or impel: Competition inspired her to greater efforts.
5.to animate, as an influence, feeling, thought, or the like, does: They were inspired by a belief in a better future.
6.to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence: writings inspired by God.
7.to guide or control by divine influence.
8.to prompt or instigate (utterances, acts, etc.) by influence, without avowal of responsibility.
9.to give rise to, bring about, cause, etc.: a philosophy that inspired a revolution.
10.to take (air, gases, etc.) into the lungs in breathing; inhale.
11.Archaic.
a.to infuse (breath, life, etc.) by breathing (usually fol. by into).
b.to breathe into or upon. –verb (used without object)
12.to give inspiration.
13.to inhale.

Here's the problem I have with this word, used in this way, to me, implies that I am responsible for the other person's feelings.

Notice I wasn't told, you inspire me to ____. Or I never thought about what you said that way. Your words inspire me to ____. (fill in the blank) Just you inspire me. I really see a difference.

Now of course they taught him this catch phrase and what he probably meant was very different than how I understand this word to mean. And me being me, well, I said something about this. I am sure looking back this made him feel confused and well...you can figure out the rest. BUT he should have had some understanding and compassion for me not understanding his lingo. He took classes that clearly he knew I did not. He could have chosen to be kind to me and communicate what he meant. He did not. He just got hurt and kept it to himself. BOO HOO!

Continuing on...this seminar continues to teach the packed roomful of women that men respond to us. Again, placing responsibility on us for how men behave. I just do not like this. I find this completely backassed and archaic.

Yes, men respond to us and we also respond to them. DUH! And when I am with friends they respond to me and I respond to them. I do not see key information here to help me.

The missing link is learning how to be more understanding of one another and communicate better, not blame or put responsibility on the opposite sex for our feelings and reactions. The last I checked I was a grown women who owned her thoughts and actions, miscommunications and learned and adjusted. I don't throw my mistakes onto the other person. I am angry when someone mistreats me and I will call him out for it but I do not blame him for my feelings and reactions.

So Presenter goes on to tell us that in order to get a guy to want us we have to first understand that he has a type. If we aren't it no matter what move on. OK I AGREE!

Getting past that reality we are to be:

self-confident -check
authentic, tell him who we are and what we want - check (DID THAT!)
be passionate, men love a woman with passion any passion doesn't matter -check (SO HAVE THAT AND SHOWED IT)
Be receptive, men like to show us how they like us with gifts, little or big (she says we have been taught to be self sufficent and not to be selfish and we think we should not accept gifts to show men we aren't out for their money etc... and this is the opposite of what a guy needs to hear when offering a gift) --OK I can accept that --CHECK

Re: being receptive...out of the blue DTM buys me a book for a class I am taking, that I absolutely cannot find and wants to come over to give it to me just after our first date. I had just moved to my new home, had to clean up and clear up etc...I was extremely thankful and appreciative for this book. I even told him how kind and thoughtful I thought it was and that it was one of the nicest things a guy has done for me, and his shitty response was, "As long as you don't expect it from me."

DIRTBAG!

The other part of this receptivity is that men want to be received as they are. DUH! I always do this to the point of putting myself behind him. And you know what..tough titas, because I am not stroking this ego bullshit anymore. I will always accept a man as he is because I can only control me and change me.. But he has to be willing to accept me for who I am as well and not make me responsible for his bad behavior or bad feelings.

Now here's the ironic part. She then tells us that "trying to please a man will kill our sexual energy" and that doing this will show lack of confidence and he will pick up on this and if he was attracted to us he probably will lose that attraction.

Right! So I am now getting a mixed story from this presenter...at least this is how I see this information. He is responding to me as a woman, reacting to me as a women right? So I need to be receptive to his ego and gifts and how he is speaking to me but I should not try to please him. SAY WHAT???????????????????

I see some validity in parts of the information. I just also see a lot of holes.

Truth is that I have been a pleaser. It gives me pleasure to do so. But I HAVE NOTICED that this is not always understood the right way. I have even written about this a bit on my blog. So here's how it is gonna be from now on...a guy will shower me with attention. If he starts to play games with that attention, as did DTM to test me he is going to hear the following:

Hey ____. Here's how things are going to be. I am too busy and have too much going for me. I will stick around if you give me the attention I deserve. If not I won't pay you any mind. In fact my life is so busy I will probably forget you exist. If you care about me and want me in your life you'll have to make yourself present, front and center. Got it?!
(OK maybe not that harshly but it will be said.)


I did learn and I know I am guilty of the following:
When a guy I am dating does something I as a women would not do, I am thinking immediately what a stupid asshole, moron. And then I start to second guess myself and then my self confidence goes in the toilet and I react to this insecurity and he senses it immediately and he then becomes less compelled.

I gotta tell you on this one I think she was dead on and I know the point in which this began for me with DTM. However, he was playing too many games and so no matter what this would never have worked with us. But for this particular issue I accept MY RESPONSIBILITY!

There were two more parts to this seminar and I will write about them later. With that post I will have questions that I ask my male readers to please respond to on the comments. Let's help each other learn and grow and be happier in the relationships we are all living.

My Rating

Hopefully I can heat up this blogs rating sometime soon ;-)

How Many Colors Do You Know? And Other Fun Quizes

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Just a silly and fun post to keep you occupied to buy me time to write my next post about the seminar I went to this week on "Understanding Men".

Guess I don't know that many colors...seriously after purple, do you need to know another one?


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I had more but my terrible spelling screwed me! RRRRR!

Reflections

So I am reading Robert's post a few days back about how he is reflecting on his life with his ex's and it got me thinking about many things. I find it wildly fascinating that a man of his age who calls himself a crusty redneck could be so introspective, deep and profound. Compared to Robert, I am a city slicker, and yet I completely relate to his inner thoughts and find myself inspired by what he has to say. And his words give me hope. Because I was begining to believe that men were not capable of understanding the things he does and behaving honorably as he writes about how his father taught him about thinking of how the other person would feel if he crossed the line.

Another blogger's stories, Punchy over at Lucchese to Louis Vuitton has also inspired me and given me hope for my own dating life. She writes the following about her husband:

"He is the man who saved me from myself so many years ago. The same man who told me I needed to be put on a pedestal because I deserved it and no one had ever said that to me before. I did pretty well for a girl who grew up in a cement house with a tin roof. I made my own way. I was a single mom working my ass off taking care of two little kids and trying to be “tough”. In those days I trusted no one and was the most suspicious, scared, take the bull by the horns and do what I had to do kind of girl. He took me away from all that and allowed me to trust and allowed me to drop my guard. God smiled on me one day and sent me my price charming in golf attire. He is not perfect and he is not a cowboy, he is my husband, the man who defends me to the end and takes pride in taking care of our family. We may not have it all together, but together we have it ALL."

I have also had a few personal conversations recently with friends who have pointed out some very important things to me and to which I have also had the opportunity to pass on to another friend recently regarding the appreciation for myself and believing that I am deserving of the things I want and need in a man. The two people I write about above show me that what I want does exist and that I don't need to settle for less.

It's funny how 100 people can tell you wonderful things about yourself and truly mean them and then one craphead guy comes along, that is beautiful on the outside, and seemingly charming, and covertly tells you things to the contrary and you can be totally sucked in and forget that you have 100 people who love and adore you and think the world of you and just "get you" and you start to doubt yourself.

I know I have been in far too many of these situations, to the point where I believe this has become to seem normal and so I just continue with it. I also know that one very good friend of mine is living this same situation too. Speaking with her has been such a help for me, as we are walking this lesson and journey of new understandings together, and keeping each other on the right path.

I am going to open up here, be raw and vulnerable and share this memory from an email I recently deleted (finally) from DTM where he said to me, " I LOVED our sex life, it was the rest I didn't care for." There was so much that transpired between he and I that I couldn't confront him on everything. But if I had the chance again, as this particular issue is at the forefront of my thoughts today in regards to my recent dating life, I would have said to him, "How could you not like what you did not even participate in! We had no real conversations. We never did anything together nor shared experiences. You offered me nothing yet shot me down and told me who I was, which was really who you wanted to make me out to be, all in your tiny little head of yours without me ever being present or a party to the conversations. Just what is this "rest"you speak about that you didn't like?"

I share this with you because I am realizing that his little digs that he would get in, to put me down and keep me down, and make me feel I was less than...well, I gave them "their rightful place". I bought into them.

Here I am, this amazing (if I do say so myself) woman, who is open, caring, empathetic, spiritual, loving, kind, a good listener, who has the busiest of friends, many of whom work two jobs and raise kids or their grandchildren, who yet still make the time each day to at least email me to see how I am doing or to tell me how they are doing, when they only have a few spare moments each day, they do this for me, because they love me and want to let me know they love me, is spending time with a man who thinks of me in this terrible way and I am giving thought to the crummy things he thinks and says to me (when he did say a few words here and there) rather than realizing that I am one of the luckiest people because I am so loved by my friends and they think the world of me, I am buying into his shit!

And this is not the first time I have done this.

Even with Mad Scientist, I realized this pattern was happening as I brushed off a lot of the rude behaviors and mean-spirited remarks because I thought he was just a bit insecure and possibly a nice guy. He was not!

There are two moments that stick out glaringly to me, that are not the overtly pathetic displays of bad behavior I wrote about, but the more subtle. I will share them with you.

As he so invited himself over to my home for the third and last date, he scanned my room. I have had many friends over my apartment. They come in and say, WOW how nice! I love your curtains, what a pretty color. DTM said, "Oh you like purple!" Mad Scientist looked at my photos and then saw the collage of my grandmother and said, "Why do you have these papers up on the wall?" These are not the things friends say to you. These are not the things you say when you like a person. These are snarky, nasty digs. They are nasty-lite! And these are the very comments I have experienced from many men, that I just take as normal, because I experience them so often that I just go with it.

No friend of mine would ever speak to me that way. Friends take part in your joy and share with you what they like that you also like.

The papers in the collage with my grandmothers photo ,which happen to be a photo of her at 18 (black and white of course) but of a red velvet dress my grandfather bought her when corting simply because she mentined how pretty it was when they saw it in the window (during the depression), are letters from her superiors at the school she worked at her entire adult life, commending her on her job and how much her colleagues LOVED her and her pleasant and always helpful attitude. They meant something to her. And she kept them her entire life until she passed away a couple of years ago.

Need I really have to explain this to someone?

The other experience that night was in sharing my Flip video camera purchase with Mad Scientist. I am having so much fun with this little video camera in so many ways. This shmuck asked me, "Why did you decide to buy THAT? It seems like a strange choice over a regular digital camera that could take video as well."

Reflecting upon that moment I realize this is not a nice or appropriate thing to say to someone. When I shared that same camera with my friends on New Year's Eve, my friend's fiance said to me, "WOW. That's really neat! Can I see it? How much is it? This is fun. I want one."

And that's how a good conversation should go with a friend or a date. These little things shouldn't be a debate. They just shouldn't. And yet, to me, in my experience have just become so normal I never thought about it.

UNTIL, a girlfriend of mine pointed it out to me the other day. And it started my reflection.

Lookin' Pretty For My Last Wordless Chicken Tuesday

Super Tuesday

I think Super Tuesday should be renamed to FAT Tuesday. Why? Well, because we are "forced" to vote for one










Who will inevitably sit on their












(not DTM but sure as hell looks like him- you didn't REALLY expect me to be able to pass up this 2 for 1 opportunity to use a photo like this now did you :-)
(FAT ass)


while padding their














(FAT Wallet)



And there is a FAT CHANCE that anyone of them will make any real difference!

And YES, I did vote today.

Won't You NOT Be My Neighbor

(Think Mr. Rogers) or (Think Ghost...GET OFF MY TRAIN)



OK this is way too typical of a morning rush hour commute on the NYC subway. And this is what I was subjected to while taking the train at 8:30am this morning. I talked with my mother about this tonight. She grew up in Brooklyn and said this has been going on forever. She told me to tune it out.

It's so common that I ask you to notice how no one is paying attention and the person sitting directly next to me just keeps reading her paper, flip flip flip.

I kept thinking it was a good thing Drowsey wasn't on the train with us. She might have actually thrown her paper at him and told him that HE WAS GOING TO HELL!

Yes mommy, I will tune him out NEXT time. This time I decided to take video of the perpetrator and force all my blog readers to suffer along with me ;-)

IN YOUR FACE DARRIN! THE GIANTS WON SUPERBOWL 42!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I should have bet ya big when you told me you were rooting for New England who was undefeated. All the more sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must admit, I didn't watch a minute of the game, but hey I am a New Yorker and I have to be happy a New York Team won. It made me smile and giggle. Especially since only 15 minutes ago I was downstairs at the local bodega watching the guys biting their nails and looking like the biggest babies on earth telling me we were about to lose.

They are calling this one of the biggest upsets in history!

How sweet it is!

Groundhog's Day

When I hear the words Groundhog's Day, it makes me think of the Billy Murray movie, where the theme is that he lives the same day over and over.

So it should come as no surprise that I hired this

<-------groundhog to make sure that no potential date that comes my way from this point on can pull a groundhogs date on me.

Happy Groundhog's Day!

This Woman IS Fun & A Really Fun Award!

You have to go look at this woman's blog and this post in particular. If my mother ever finds this blog, well I apologize in advance, although I suspect she already knows I feel this way...but I wish I had a mom that was this much fun and goofy with me. The photos had me pissing!

I also got this super duper award today from one of the nicest...ahchem... I mean crustiest men in the blogosphere. The feeling is mutual.

Passing it on to the following awesome blog friends: Barbara and Darrin.