"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I AM Better Than This!

As many of you know, I'm dating and using a Jewish dating site. My good bloggy friend Aleta traded some stories about the strange men she met before meeting her husband and marrying him last year. And we agreed that there are a lot of strange men to go through before meeting the right one.

But let me tell you folks, at 38 years old, I believe I have completed my quota for strangeness, idiotdom, etc etc...fill in the appropriate word as you wish.

I am better than this.

I'm never quite sure how to write these posts about my dating experiences. I'd like to give you the feeling and experience of what is out there and why I often feel disappointed. The best way I know how to do that is to show you what is typical.

Typical guy's desires taken straight from his own bio...because you can't make this stuff up.  (See my translation in red ...for those of you who don't speak dating.)
I am looking for a:
Well, since this is like placing an order, I guess I'd like to meet an extremely intelligent, attractive (in good shape, works out regularly), super model with no fat - magazine airbrushed only without the airbrushing genuinely nice woman who will kiss my ass and tell me I'm hung like a horse and I'm the best thing that ever happened to her and be so grateful that super guy like me is finally in her life who is younger than me because I'm an ageist old fart that thinks that women my own age of 43 are old hags and besides only younger women who haven't had life experience would put up with my overgrown baby elitist snotty bullshit. That's a pretty tall order, but that doesn't mean I expect to find somebody who is perfect. I try to avoid high-maintenance women which is why I'm still single because I ask specifically for a high maintenance woman but I'm too cheap and conceited to actually give anything back to the gorgeous, smart and fit woman I require to blow me and bow to me and frankly no woman is worth that and shouldn't have any standards or wants because I'm the only one who can have requirements in a relationship , and I have no patience for "rules girls.because it is I who make all the rules and you should exist solely to meet all my effing desires"

BTW I did write to this guy because -- well my hothead exploded after reading this from lawyer guy -- and let him know that in order to get an intelligent woman he'd first have to fix his own grammatical mistakes.

And if that wasn't bad enough, the asshole actually asked me to tell him what the mistake was. LOSER

Disclaimer: I personally make no claims to being a grammar snob...nor require it of others. Grammatical mistakes I'm sure abound this post.

This video really sums it all up.

10 comments:

Aleta said...

ROTFLMAO! OMG, this is great! This needs to be posted on the first page of the dating site, so that women can understand the "real" meaning behind the message and not waste time on men like that. But seriously, I went on a couple of dates that were similar to those messages and you nailed it! I think I still have Greg's online post. I'll have to look for it and share it. I remember that he made me laugh and when I showed it to Mom, she laughed too and said, "I like him based on his words already."

purplefrog said...

Loved the post!

NorsU said...

Wow - I can only give this man's take. It's been awhile since dating but this experience highlights the potential horrors out there in the dating scene. I went through the genuinely good guy that struck out a lot stage.

Caught on to the bad boy act and it was lights out and led to scores of short relationships with pretty women and no real satisfaction. I matured into just being myself and being honest, caring, witty, self confident and it all fell in place. I matured to looks being important but nowhere tops on my list of qualities I desired.

The nit wit that wrote that dating Bio? Nothing to say really on but I bet he really drives an IROC, live's in his parents basement and is not an Attorney.

Good read

abinitioadinfinitum said...

The perfect girl for a guy like that. lol http://www.kirainet.com/english/real-size-dolls/

kimberly said...

that is hilarious... OMG I'm dying from laughter...

Mum-me said...

I like your 'translation' and I can well imagine just how accurate it is.

clyde said...

One thing I've noticed about single men is that they have incredibly inflated opinions of their worth - that explains, in large part, why they still single.

Lauren said...

@Aleta, yes I'd like to see Gregs post.

@Kimberly/froggy, thanks for coming by. Thought you'd get a good giggle from this.

@NorsU, Ok well then there's hope. ;)

@Chad, hope everyone clicks your link. It's way too funny to pass up.

@kimberly, I bet you can totally relate. Glad my sorrows provided you that giggle you needed. :)

@ mum-me, oh it's 100% accurate, no lost in translation on this one.

@Clyde, so where does that leave a great woman like me?

Cat said...

I remember trying to meet nice guys when I was single...I don't miss the process one bit.
Among my many horror stories:
During a first phone call with a potential date (a co-worker actually thought he and I might "click") the man told me "I am looking for a woman with NO OPINIONS."
I was,as you can imagine, speechless - lest I opine.
(No, no, I never agreed to go on a date with him!)

lot 2 learn said...

I have been reading your post for about a year now, and I can say that I agree,
you are better than that