"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Monday, October 19, 2009

Here's What I'd Like to Say In My Dating Profile

First I'm going to quantify what is coming below. I've had some really outrageous things said to me through IM's and emails and even in person while attempting to date through my online profile. And while I hear about success stories from others who have friends who have done well, it's not been my experience. Yes yes yes I'm digging deeper to figure out why but with that said here's what I wish I could write in my bio profile:

Let's face it. I'm hot. You know it and that's why you clicked on my photo. So before you email me some sexual innuendo or try to be coy with me through a few normal IM exchanges and then go for the gusto, stop and think about it. I'm a hot chick. So what makes you think that I'm so desperate that I'd go for the lowest on the totem pole and go out with you, who only seem to make a play for me in a sexual way? Heck if I wanted that I could walk up and down my street where I live and pick an equally hot man and F&ck his brains out.  You see boys/men I'm cashing in on my hot value and being the picky biotch I deserve to be. You're gonna have to be of the best character, the kindest heart, put up with my lunatic political rants and challenge my mind. I'm not looking for a mind-f*ck or a quick lay. For that you'd better find a fat chick with low self-esteem. But I'm not JUST a hot chick. I'm an analytical thinker. I'm logical. And while you might be able to slip a few details past me that I choose not to remember, I'll catch you in your shi*t faster than you can say SHUT THE F*CK UP! So you wanna get into these pair of jeans, you're gonna have to earn it, deserve it and work for it. And it's gonna have to be more than the sex you're trying to earn from me.


Bungalow Bill said...

Isn't it amazing how bold people get behind a computer keyboard?

Tommy said...

I like it and not one word wasted.


Mum-me said...

It would be an interesting experiment, if you could actually write that in your bio profile, to see what sort of responses you would get.

There's a perfect partner out there for you somewhere. A shame you have to sift through the rest though.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

That's my girl!


LaurAyn said...

@Bill - I'm not sure what makes them feel that the behaviors they exhibit are ok. Maybe we should force them to say it in public and see what happens to then them.

@Tommy, thanks :D

@mum-me, I believe that too. The process is daunting though.

@speedy- :D!!

Aleta said...

Lauren ~ do it. Seriously. There are so many "standard" profiles - blah, blah boring. Why not send this one out. You'll get some hellish responses, no doubt, but that's more blog fodder if nothing else. Lol. I'd just be curious as to the response and IF a man is truly up to the challenge, he might just respond sincerely and then - it would be so worth it! Pen who you are and be proud of it. If a man isn't good enough and gets scared away, you didn't waste the time with him! I love this!