This post is coming 10 days after I have written it.
Today I re-learned an important life lesson. Sometimes we have to remember there is more to what is happening than what appears before our eyes. I know and I am sure you all do this to, that I get caught up in my own little world and I can be very hurt when I feel that someone might not like me. Where do I get the idea that someone didn't like me or want me? Well honestly it only comes from my own insecurities. And well to some extent I can have foot in mouth disease which contributes to it. In my case it probably was a little of both.
Some of you know and others do not that for my steady work I am on an on call basis, but this has turned out to be work that is provided to me regularly for many months. But week to week I have to wait to hear what if anything is offered.
With help and prayers from a few friends this week I am sure negative energy was shifted to help open up positive things for me. Getting past that...I realized that I didn't know a lot behind the scenes for the boss who gives me the work.
And here is where the deeper lesson is learned.
I was offered a lot of work this week only to be told it had to be given to someone else. Devistating. But in this conversation I learned that there was an entire process above my boss and even her boss's head that determines who gets certain shifts and why that I had never ever known in all the years of working in this field, even existed. And although it was hurtful and worrisome to learn of this work schedule yank, it was so helpful in having compassion and understanding for my boss's role and how hard it is for her to do her job.
Previously I thought it was all up to her, and when I knew others would be out and work would be available but I wasn't immediately being offered the work, I would feel emotionally devistated. Why not me? What did I do? OMG.
But sometimes even when we do not know all the details we need to remember prior learning experiences that taught us that sometimes things are not as clear cut as they appear to be before us.
As was in this very case.
Today I learned that the main office has to give permission to whom gets certain types of shifts and that often no matter what your direct boss wants or their direct boss wants the office has obligations to put someone from the outside into that shift and that is why often work has been held back until the last minute before being offered to me, even when I am clearly aware the shifts are available and I know the boss knows I know.
I wondered why she was not being honest with me. But that was my judgemental self stepping in. As it turns out she has always wanted me to fill in the shifts but has a lot of pressure from many steps above to put others she has no experience working with, in the very job available for those weeks.
But she has continually fought for me which is also for herself and I learned that today. And I do pretty much end up with the work in the end.
And in the end because of the weather another shift opened up and I was called to fill the work no ifs ands or buts! And in the process I learned how much I am valued and appreciated as well as having the opportunity to value and appreciate the issues my boss has to deal with and how much she goes to bat for me.
So I learned that sometimes things are deeper than they appear on the surface and that often they have nothing to do with us on a personal level whatsoever. AGAIN!