"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Sunday, August 23, 2009

How Many Times Have You Been In Love?

For just a short period of time on this blog I'm changing the subject from politics to relationships and love. After all I do say on my header:

"One 30 something year-old single woman's thoughts, epiphanies and pitfalls of dating, relationships & the men she has dated. And many many rants on stupid people and their completely hypocritical political views."

Love and politics...two scary topics if you ask me!

So answering the question with 100% honesty what would your number be?

I'm sure I loved a handful of men, but to answer the question about being in-love I can only honestly say once. And I'm not with that person.

It's hard for me to know this. It's hard to live with the realization that the one person I was in-love with also brings harsh memories for me. And while I search for the next and hopefully final man I fall in-love with, the only comparable memories I have bring me back to the very sad ones too, which I choose not to relive or think about. A bit of a catch 22 for me.

As a spiritual person I truly believe that living in the past is like carrying around the dead, and where our thoughts are so are we. I pull my spirit back to me.

How many times have you been in-love?


Mum-me said...

I have thought I was in love at least half a dozen times. I can remember being asked to 'go with' (go steady) with a boy when I was 12 (he was 13) and I sat in my parent's living room, arguing that they should let me have a boyfriend because "I love him soooo much!" I remember the amused smirks exchanged between my parents at that statement. I truly thought I was in love, but looking back I am sure I was 'in love' with the idea of someone loving me.

In my current 'old married woman' situation I definitely go through stages when I am madly in love with HB, which regularly alternate with periods when I could happily pack up and leave him in the blink of an eye. I suppose the fact that I don't leave him (and he hasn't left me) proves that it is true love. Not sappy emotional love, but the type of love that keeps plodding on through good and bad - devoted love. The sort of love that feels comfortable and safe ... most of the time.

BetteJo said...

For me I would have to ask first - does being in love mean feeling it forever? Can you be in love and fall out of love? Or did you just think you were in love?

So being entirely wishy washy about the question - I would say twice.


Lauren said...

Hmmm - well since I've never been married and I didn't end up with that man it's hard for me to answer to your thoughts and questions. I can only go on what I felt knowing once it happened that I realized it was the only time i ever felt that way. I think if the universe had allowed, I would have loved him forever. What I can tell you is that I had many moments that were rough with this man and I thought about walking away but the love was strong even during those moments. It took a long time to let go of the love and it probably lives within me to some extent today.

Thanks to Mum-Me and BetteJo for being so open and honest. :)

Perplexio said...

Prior to my wife-- I was in love twice. My wife being the third, I guess you could argue that the third time was the charm.

I did love some of the other girls I dated before my wife, but there is a difference between loving and being in love. I think it's that line between platonic and romantic love. Ideally you need both to make a relationship work though.

Without the platonic love also being present "love" is actually just "lust."

InRepose said...

I too sat in a living room telling my parents I was soooooo in love with a boy when I was 13. My parents too, smirked. (I promised I would never do such a thing to a future child, and I have not)

We moved away from said boy and I grew up and had other boyfriends.

I then at age 22 saw the first boy again after 9 years and the feelings I had were deep and immediate. For him as well. My thirteen year old self knew my true love when she saw him.

We were married soon after our second meeting and our 26th anniversary is coming up in December.