"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Saturday, May 24, 2008

My Memorial Day And Sacred Contracts

Memorial Day here in the United States is supposed to be a day or in this case weekend to remember the men and women in the armed service who have given their lives defending our freedom and country.

It's a day to REMEMBER.

It's funny the things I remember. And I think about this a lot. I took a trip to Barnes and Noble this week to find something to read to keep myself busy while temping. I went almost straight to the self-help section and there was Caroline Myss's book Sacred Contracts. I read Anatomy of the Spirit and use it often when teaching students of mine about energy medicine. I knew I was supposed to have this book too.

Sacred Contracts is about our archetypal patterns. It's a long book upwards of 400 pages. I am about 1/4 through the book. There are exercises to do and they require that you go back to your relationships and delve in. HA! Should not be a problem for me :-)

In order to figure out the archetypes in your life, the things you came here to learn and why, you have to look at your patterns and also the patterns of the people you seem to keep meeting over and over. In doing so, hopefully you will figure out why you do what you do and how you can change what is clearly not working for you.

I see patterns that seem to make sense with friends and men I have dated and when I read about the archetypes that I feel sound like me, it made a lot of sense why there was a pattern with the men I dated.

Sounds simple...sort of!

But if your archetypal patterns have the underlying lessons of self esteem and forgiveness it will make total sense to realize why you keep dating Hedonists.

According to Myss, a medical intuitive, this archetype has an appetite for the pleasurable aspects of life, from good food and wine to sexuality and sensuality...Indulging the self is central to the psyche of this archetype, whether treating oneself to health spa or learning the nuances of love making. (BING BING BING on the last one...DTM and much of that was The Plant too)...The Hedonist is someone who pursuses extremes of self-indulgence and the challenges of this archetype are the fear of being seduced and losing control in the physical world. The shadow side of this archetype is that many pursue pleasure without regard for other people or one's own good health.

She continues to explain that "the search for physical ecstacy parellels the search for spiritual transformation, a truth that is apparent in the dual identity of Dionysus."

I have known for some time that we have lessons to learn and the longer we ignore the lesson the harder and more obvious it gets so that it basically smacks us in the face and we can no longer ignore it. Being involved with DTM was my smack in the face. While he hid a lot, there were things that were made extremely clear to me.

What is positive about meeting this type of person is that they have the power to open the hearts of the person they are with. Of course that person most often doesn't realize they are being manipulated. And the person that is with the Hedonist realizes that they do have the capacity to love.

When I met The Plant, I had just gotten through years of a female pain condition that rendered me unable to enjoy sex, or want sex. I won't get into the deeper issues here, this post is LONG enough. But I had not been with men for many years due to this health issue. It had kept me from opening myself up to loving another. And while he was completely a Hedonist, I fell deeper for him than any other man I have met before or since. And so yes, he taught me I could love. BUT when it was over I was devistated in a way I never knew could exist and I spent a year on my floor crying and wishing I were dead.

I did meet someone about a year later but I could feel nothing for this man and the relationship was not good. DTM was the first I let back into my heart after so many years. It took another Hedonist.

Here's the catch for the female in this situation. She MUST be emotionally independent and have good self-esteem to be immune from his manipulations. If the Hedonist meets such a person it will be a match. He will be forced to change because she is the challange and she couldn't care less about his bullshit.

In looking at my archetypal patterns I realized that much of my lessons are just that, to learn to love myself unconditionally and not be so hard on me, hence building good strong self-esteem and to be more emotionally independent.

So each time I bump into these ASSHOLES I was suppose to realize that they were there to teach me those two things about and for myself.

And that is how I saw them and honestly still see them, as assholes. However, now I realize how grateful I need to be to each and every one of them for teaching me this lesson.

The Plant taught me that I was capable of loving, deeply loving another person and DTM did teach me to be more emotionally independent and to work on building my self-esteem. In having to confront him, face to face, I had to believe those things live in me and verbally kick his ass in standing up for myself, basically teaching myself that I am worthy. In yelling at him I was screaming to my own soul to stop treating me like shit.

For far too long I lived on the shadow side of this lesson...needing the approval of others and trying to be true to myself. But this was compromising who I am and giving away a piece of my spirit to that other person, each time I bought into their excuse for why their bad behavior was somehow my fault.

I was easily manipulated. I wanted the acceptance.

About 2 years ago, I was told by a clairvoyant that I trust and have known for years, that before I can meet my beshert I need to be stronger. To me at the time it was baffling. I lived for three years with an excrutiating pain condition and I beat it. I lived through a severe depression, a breakdown and worked my way out of it. And so I viewed myself as strong. What the heck could that mean? And then I read the following:

Manipulation is the art of making another person's spirit dance for personal amusement. Only through honoring oneself can we become strong enough to refuse to dance.

Whether I like it or not, I agreed before coming into this life to learn certain lessons with certain people, so that they too would learn what they came here to learn. The reasons I am to learn this in this lifetime will be revealed to me at another time and I must just have faith in this and let it be.

It is not that I somehow caused these men to treat me badly...that is their lot in life and part of their lesson to learn, with me. My repeated history with men like this is because I have to work on becoming stronger and each time I find myself in a similar role with a new man I know I have not fully completed my work.

I now need to work on forgiveness. I have been so hurt and angry for what was done to me. It was afterall completely humiliting and I focused my thoughts outward to the person who hurt me so badly. I am going to work on forgiving them and for thanking them for bringing my lessons to me, ultimately leading me to the path of being strong enough to meet my life mate.


swile67 said...

thanks for sharing...also thanks for the mini-book report so to speak...it sounds like a great book and i think i will head on over to Chapters to see if i can find it! have a great Memorial Day!

Anonymous said...

Excellent Post Lauren,perhaps your best ever..IMHO.

It was thoughtful and filled with information for all to use.

I have much of Myss on my bookshelf, but did not know about this book. Thanks for the review.

Lauren said...

Karyne, I hope you find value in her book(s).

Anon, THANKS! Even though I am realizing that I do not need the approval of others, it is always nice to feel aligned with someone spiritually :-)

To both of you...I hope you are enjoying this amazing weather.

Julie said...

It sounds like it is a good book! Lessons in life are usually not easy to learn. However, it definitely sounds like you are on the right path! Good for you for being willing to give it a try!

Anonymous said...

Try sendahole.com.

Gypsy said...

When we are in the grip of that hurt and anger it is difficult to see anything but the pain we are in and surviving from one moment to the next.

When we eventually get to that place of calm and acceptance it is important that we try to find the lesson we were supposed to learn from the experience and obviously you have done that. So many people find it easier to blame the whole world for everything that goes wrong. I admire those who try and take some responsibility for their own actions and lives. Good for you Lauren.

Lauren said...

Julie, OY VEY! NEVER EVER EASY. And usually after you learned something a TEST comes. YIKES!

Second Anon- Although very very funny site, it truly misses the point of the lesson.

Gypsy, Thanks. Find the meaning in my suffering has been my only true grip on survival.

Jessica said...

Good post...yet, another book to add to my reading list! :)