No I am not doing that right now thank g-d! But I have had to and it was hands-down the hardest thing I ever had to do.
January 2007 I had to put Emily to sleep. I loved that little girl like nothing I can describe. We had a bond that there are no words for. Her traits were more dog than cat, running to greet me at the door and always being obedient. I miss her but I know her spirit is around me.
Recently I received email from a friend who is going to be with one of her friends to help her through putting her cat to sleep. She emailed me for advice, since "I have been through this."
When it was my time to put Emily down I knew I had to do it but I could NOT be in the room. I will forever regret that. She needed me and I wasn't strong enough. I had the Vet and one of the techs that Emily loved, come to my home and I asked the tech to please hold Emily and let her know she wasn't alone. I know Emily hear me sobbing in the other room. It wasn't a good thing for her or for me and I won't continue with the details.
I will tell you what I learned from this. I learned that I had regrets and that I would not be a coward for Olivia when it was her time. I prayed that whenever that day came it would be a quick illness and a quick passing and for the most part that was how it was for Olivia.
I remembered how Emily suffered at the end but held on because she didn't want to leave me and sensed I didn't want to lose her. That's not fair to a sick and dying animal. Olivia had kidney failure and I saw her go from living to half living in a blink of an eye. She was uncomfortable and her organs were shutting down. Within less than a week she was gone.
I called my pet sitter who is also a tech and asked her to be the one to come and help Olivia pass, here in my home. She works with my Vet and I knew she was kind and more warm than my Vet. I think my Vet is super as a doctor but not warm when needed.
This time I wanted them to come and I didn't want to wait. I knew I didn't want to lose Olivia only 14 months after Emily passed but watching her suffer this way was excrutiating and out of the most love I have ever realized I had in me I wanted her to pass. She probably would have died that day on her own but it would have been so painful for her. She deserved better.
I had a holistic healer come and be with me and say prayers for Olivia. He talked so sweetly to her. He told her how she could have any food she liked in heaven. I got her droplets of water so she would not feel parched and suffering more than she already was. I pet her and I told her I loved her and that Emily would be with her and to tell Emily hello. I told her she would not be in pain soon. I sent her love.
And then the pet sitter showed up. She was kind to Olivia. She was kind to me. She gave me some of her hair to keep. She asked me if I was ready and I nodded. And then it was over.
We talked about Olivia for a little bit and how funny she was and how strong her personality was. She was a great girl. Smart and strong. Sweet and loving. And oh so clean.
She deserved that peaceful end to her 17 years with me. I promised Emily that I would do better for Olivia than I did for her. I kept my promise.
I told my friend to just help her friend send only love to her cat. That's all you can do in the end.