"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

About A Year Ago Today

Just about a year ago today I was just meeting DTM. If you've read me since the begining, you know that the confusion from being in a dating situation with him was the catapult to starting this blog.

What a difference a year makes. I have met so many amazing blog friends who allowed me to share my life and thoughts with them and it has made a world of difference for me.

This time last year I was packing my boxes and moving to my new apartment. I had just started exchanging emails with DTM and feeling very pressured to set a date to meet even though I mentioned numerous times how I needed things to calm down for me and get settled in first.

I've never shared DTM's full name before but I will tell you that I finally began one email to him the following way:

Dear DANmanding!

He wasn't very happy about that.

It had been quite a while since I went on a date. After a very defeating end to a relationship about five years ago and then two years after that I broke-up with another guy that just wasn't doing it for me I took a hiatus.

Rusty at dating was I!

I never even intended for me to ever meet DTM. I met him through Friendster and sent a smile. Before that I never even used a social site...at least that I can remember. When he emailed me back and asked to email through yahoo accounts rather than Friendster I just went with it.

I was baraged with emails from him. He sent me photos of him from HS, as a little boy, etc...it seemed fun enough. But pushy. And then he started pushing for a call. And I just didn't have the energy or time. But I relented and gave him my number stating it was for after I moved and please don't call before.

HA! RIGHT! I immediately got a text. I never texted people at that time.

He "just wanted to check that the number was right."

So then I agreed to one call. He was so boring BUT the emails were mostly fun. So in the interest of being nice I tried REALLY hard to fill the air with conversation. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

What did I get instead? An abrupt, gotta go. I had just made a statement. Albeit boring one. I wasn't getting much help with the conversation. But I was trying to be nice.

I felt that hit in the pit of my stomach like nothing ever before. It literally felt like someone smacked me.

I should have listened to that gut reaction, let the conversation end and never spoken to him again.

BUT I felt stupid. His blunt and abrupt end to our call made me feel stupid. I said something like, "Oh, you don't want to talk anymore?" And he said, "Well I just thought we were done."

There was no, "Well it's late...or it was nice talking to you" it was just "ok well good night."

It was ODD!

I hung up. And for the life of me I don't know why I did it but I texted him that we should meet up sooner rather than later. And I got a text back that said, "now you're talking" or something like that.

Well we met and he charmed me and lied to me and he got what he wanted.

6 weeks later I was breaking it off with him in his home telling him about all the lies I found out about and how I was not interested in pursuing this anymore.

I learned a lot this past year. I learned so much about myself and I gained so much self-esteem. And a lot of it has to do with you, who come and comment each day.

This time last year I didn't have the self-esteem to just be me. I bent to the will of another. I doubt another DTM could come along and do the same thing he did to me. This time I wouldn't try to stretch the phone call to be nice. I would politely end the conversation and go on my way.

12 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Maybe it was just something you needed in order to get stronger. I love realizing how much stronger I am now, than I was a few years ago. It's amazing.

Lauren said...

DMom, I am a firm believer in lessons needed and learned. I've been through worse than this guy but it wasn't fun at the time. I feel stronger but usually when we feel this way is when we get tested again. OY!

tiffany1377 said...

I wasn't around for this, but I'm glad you feel good about it now.

Oh yeah...did you see that they yanked that video?

Lauren said...

Tiffany, No I didn't know that. I wonder who took it down and why. Hmmm. Do you remember who made it so I can get to their page again and see what is happening?

Unbelievable how our freedoms are being yanked from us. Why shouldn't people see this truth!

Da Old Man said...

Glad you see that you have grown from experiences. That's always a good thing.
As far as videos being yanked, a certain political party has numerous watchers, and videos are yanked quickly because of copyrights (the music is the usual claim.)
I totally understand this because my vote is swayed by the type of music on a youtube video. We really do need to decide on a font for sarcasm, BTW. :)

dani c said...

You go Girl!!!!!!

Lauren said...

D.O.M., Thanks.
Maybe we should start to monitor "their" youtubes and barrage the site with complaints of copyright infringment and get those videos pulled down too. Fair is fair!

Dani - THANKS!

Productive Slacker said...

I'm new to your blog so I wasn't around for any of this history, but I've learned my share of lessons from people I have dated. I look back on most of them and wonder what the heck I was thinking.

Chat Blanc said...

I can relate so much! I'm so amazed by all you've done for yourself in a year and I'm incredibly happy for you. You're such a great person for me to have in my life for this and so many more reasons. Rock on chica! :)

Jessica said...

I can relate too! How wonderful that you've come so far. Isn't it great to feel secure in who you are? :)

Aleta said...

I wasn't around from the beginning and now I'm curious to take a closer look. I have to admit that I was surprised with this story. You have a strong character, that is what I got when I started reading your blog. I was fascinated with your writing, because you point blank, told it like you saw it. People can disagree, whatever, you just spoke your terms. I respect that.

Lessons in life, sometimes we have to go down those paths and learn from them. I know I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't gone through what I did. Life isn't all pleasant, but if you can learn and move on ~ you're doing great.

Seems to me ~ you're doing great!

Lauren said...

Chatty, HARD HARD work!

Jess, yes and I get tested everyday. But my values in myself are strong.

Aleta, well thanks for respecting that about me. It's really nice to know. There are groups, literally groups that men join that specifically target women with strong character. They study psychological issues and teach them tactics. It's quite scary. I sort of fell for it, but something in the pit of my stomach always told me things weren't correct with him. In the scheme of things 6 weeks to bust out the way I did I think was good. I think it was a test and a lesson for me. But it did hurt. My feelings were hurt. I was honest about what I was looking for, nothing but honest. I thought I was dealing with a mature man one year older than I am and that at this age he would have been through with the other stuff younger men go through and do. But I learned.