"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

What I Like To Call: What IS She Doing Now?

I haven't written a personal post in a while so I figured it was time to annoy you, catch you up.
Obviously one of my strongest passions is politics and more to the point, political subjects dealing with Israel, character of people and politicians. However, dating has always been a theme here but it certainly has taken a very back seat since I learned about the threat of Obama before people would even admit he was a threat.

It's hard to write on a topic you know so much and so little about. Dating! I mean really who has more experience with this topic than a woman who has never settled down. But then again, a woman who has never settled down at some point has to admit that she doesn't know jack about dating properly. Kind of an oxymoron.

But there's something to be said for the woman who has made all the mistakes. She (ME) can smell bullshit from a mile away. I know all the damn tricks and lies of men. And I'm just not interested in their bullshit game anymore.  Now don't go taking that the wrong way. I haven't switched sides. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But I've had enough first dates to know that I'm not the dating type of gal. There was a time early on in my 20's I'd hear a lot of "you're high maintenance" and this was supposed to be a bad thing. And that insecure little girl bought into it. Worst mistake I ever made. And it was a long-term mistake. What I should have done was cut and run when I heard that. Because it's the first clue that the person with the penis sitting with you is a little boy and not a man and nowhere near it and a waste of time.

After years of being shit upon, I got a hard shell about me in dating. I was way more rough with the jerks I met. I started to tell them to their face. Sort of a payback. I have no regrets about this. Each one deserved it and many I didn't do it to deserved it as well. Somewhere there will be a woman who tells them off properly though so so worries.

So after years of trying online dating with practically no success. Finding the strangest of men there, with the idea that they were going to be 45+ years but refuse to go out with women their own age I decided screw them, screw dating and I'll just enjoy my life.

I set very clear personal goals for myself for a years period of time and I'm half way through that time period. It's all coming together nicely. One of those goals was to be much more social and spend time with good friends, fun people and just enjoy the activities and maybe even learn some things about what I like to do that I didn't know I liked to do before.

I've discovered a love of walking and pilates. And while I HATE the typical gym, these things I absolutely will do and continue to do. I'm seeing my body change in ways I never thought possible and I'm really proud of myself for it too!

I've socialized with people who like these activities as well and found that they are terrific fun and we have a great time together.

I found nerds novice gamers to play games with and girlfriends to go dancing with as well.

It's quite liberating to not have the added pressure of wondering "does he like me" playing in my head. You see, I don't care. I'm not there for that.

I'm having the time of my life and meeting really nice people in the process. Both men and women.

And recently I've been involving myself where I should not be, helping a girl friend of mine understand men better.  She's older than I am and it baffles me to see her not realize that she's being played and have such low self esteem when it comes to men. But over time she has seen that I've been 100% correct about each one's intent and now she actually asks me for advice. So for Christmas I bought her Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man. I am a sucker and even bought myself a copy.

I devoured the book. Now a lot of what he says in the book I already know. Why? Because I made all the damn mistakes. Haven't you been reading my post!? But even more so, I've been taking the time to look back and understand me, men, their actions, mine and where the breakdown has been. Sadly many women don't do this. They just keep doing the same thing over and over again but expect different results.

For example I know that if a man says I'll call you it means, forget you ever met him! My friend thinks the call is coming.  She believes if a guys that she just met says to her after asking for her number, "Oh I can't call you tomorrow because I have to spend time with my family," that it actually means this. She doesn't understand guy speak.  Steve Harvey's book is all about the guy speak.  He tells it pretty much like it is, how men think.  And he also tells women to get standards, communicate those standards early on and clearly and stick with them and be willing to completely walk away if the man you are sitting with refuses to meet them. Plain and simple.

Later on in the week I'll write more about this book and his second one I'm currently reading.

And unless you're a troll please leave me comments HERE at the blog. Commenting on twitter about my posts here is kind of lame!


Nina said...

Bravo for you! I also learned the hard way that you must love and nurture yourself before you can expect that love in return. You are taking all the right steps, do what you enjoy, keep busy, and Mr. Right will want to be with you. Cheers, carry on.

BetteJo said...

High maintenance? I'm not. When my ex and I were approaching divorce I remember him saying "I am so SICK of your FEELINGS!!" Ahem. So, not high maintenance, he just never grew up. Oh and something else to tell your friend .. it's usually not us. It's almost always them.

LaurAyn said...

Nina, Thanks!
BetteJo, Sounds like you were with a very immature male. As for my friend, this is not about them. At some point we have to accept responsibility for our own actions and choices. She chooses poorly. If a guy cannot make clear plans with you for the weekend and wants to let you know on that day, he is FULL OF SHIT! He's got something better on his mind. It might be a girl or the boys or who knows. If you choose to go out with idiots like this, then it's really you're own fault.

As for me and being told I was high maintenance, well that was a mistake I made, in changing that to be liked but never loved. It meant I had high standards and I should have kept them. Now I have them and adios to any weak man who doesn't have the cajones to be a real man with me and meet my needs. :)

Aleta said...

I'm very proud of you! You're doing things for you and enjoying it, without putting the stress on yourself. Life is difficult enough and we tend to compound it with our own fears and worries when we don't need to.

Never read the book, but it sounds interesting. Looking forward to reading more of your views regarding the book :)

swile67 said...

i concur, the book sounds interesting! i'm so glad you are keeping yourself busy and living life to its fullest, with or without a man! my dating life is pretty non existent too. Hey a funny thing...my friends who host New YEar's every year, always wanted me to meet the brother-in-law and they always invited him to the New Year's party at their house. He never came. I told them he is not into meeting me and that is okay. Guess what..he now has a girlfriend and is coming to New YEars so I will finally meet him! hehehehe! Happy New year...I hope you are on the mend.