COLE this is a go to your room day!
Well, it's kind of weird to sit here and be able to write in peace and quiet. My electricity is working properly, there are no workers making a mess of my floors, breaking walls and walking in and out.
And so I awoke to my normal routine of feeding the fur babies and making coffee and reading emails and tweets from last night after I went to sleep. I found in my inbox Phyllis Chesler's new post about Tiger Woods.
Now for me Tiger represents the symbol of what I encounter most of the time in my dating life. The only difference is that the men I meet aren't celebrities. Some make a decent living, while others get by financially. But none of them are rolling in the cashola like Tiger. And none of them have the intellectual understanding that it is a component of screwing around and getting the girls to go along with you on that without complaint. They just see it, wish for it themselves and have this need to avoid intimacy.
I've struggled here to articulate this very experience I find myself meeting so often. But Phyllis finally gave me the words to most of my dating experiences. Thank you Phyllis.
“We are talking about a locker-room like release of tension and a male need to sexually dominate women while avoiding any real intimacy.” and “Alas, there is nothing unusual about what Tiger has done.”
Last night on Twitter I asked my married male followers to tell me what it was about their now wives that made them want to date her and then of course marry her. I received two responses. I suppose I mostly have single male followers along with my female followers. I digress...
To summarize their answers, what I heard was that both couples met while they were young and dated for many years. Both men felt that the women accepted them despite their perceived faults and neither could see themselves without that woman. One was given the ultimatum to marry or she would leave him.
When I tweeted back after receiving a tweet that said he never cheated on his wife, not so much as a kiss, that I know there are good men out there, I received this response, "Oh, I don't know how good I am. lol I just never could imagine doin' something like that to someone I love so much."
Here is the comment I left on Phyllis's Post today:
I’m dumbfounded by your last sentence. Was that meant to be cheeky? Snarky?
However regarding your statements: “We are talking about a locker-room like release of tension and a male need to sexually dominate women while avoiding any real intimacy.” and “Alas, there is nothing unusual about what Tiger has done.”- as a single middle aged woman I can say you hit the nail on the head, gave the perfect words to what I encounter in the dating world.
This is fairly common with men. The only problems with this behavior is when women do not understand this or are purposely manipulated mentally and emotionally to believe this is not what is being presented to them from the men. It takes the consenting out of the situation.
I personally abhor this about single men and can smell their line of crap within 3 minutes of a 1st date. If I decide to give in to the game, for me it is being done with full knowledge and empowerment. They have won no conquest. To Kate – I do it for myself and because of THAT it IS liberating, not to prove anything to anyone.
Yes, I realize I am unique in this.