Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The Big Black Lie
"A poignant yet hilarious narrative with his life as the backdrop for a black conservatives coming of age story. Readers are treated to an insightful journey through the eyes of a black kid who had many pressures to succumb to the victimology of Democrats. The product of a broken home, a deadbeat father and poverty, Jackson had all the excuses. Using rapier wit and hilarity, Kevin provides a much needed insight into the black pathology of voting Democrat, and how he escaped to become a conservative Republican. He explains how Democrats stole the moral high ground from Republicans, and he exposes the widely overlooked history of Democrat racism past and present. Kevin challenges Republicans to reconsider how to take the fight to Democrats and gain America back. The BIG Black Lie is a must in the collection of all conservatives. The BIG Black Lie teaches the reader how to be an unapologetic conservative, something the Republican Party does not have enough of these days. Readers will become empowered by The BIG Black Lie. Kevin's book shows first hand that no one ever has a reason for being a perpetual victim. His raw, revealing, honest story about his father and upbringing only reaffirms that regardless of your circumstances, one can still find a foundation of values and virtues in their lives, that can assure them success in all walks of life. This should be a must read for all high schools and libraries.-- Armstrong Williams, Conservative Political Pundit, Columnist, and Radio Show Host "
The bolded thoughts highlight my personal reasons why I no longer consider myself a liberal nor can I ever align myself with those who do consider themselves liberals. While I am staunchly independent and do not follow any one particular party-line I do consider myself a MOSTLY conservative. And where we disagree I will seek to challenge through facts along with my opinions and because of that we both win.
Hat Tip: NorsU on Twitter
The bolded thoughts highlight my personal reasons why I no longer consider myself a liberal nor can I ever align myself with those who do consider themselves liberals. While I am staunchly independent and do not follow any one particular party-line I do consider myself a MOSTLY conservative. And where we disagree I will seek to challenge through facts along with my opinions and because of that we both win.
Hat Tip: NorsU on Twitter
Friday, November 27, 2009
Double Standard Answers To My Dating Tweets I Find Ironic
A few days ago I posted this dating story and a male follower tweeted me back: "he is honest though and thats a good thing."
Why is it that when I'm asked what it is I want and I list my wants I often hear: "Do you think you're a little picky?"
Why am I not "at least honest and that's a good thing" ?
Here's what I list:
Depth of character and an appealing personality are more important to me than a man's job title and social status. I have a hearty and infectious laugh. Hopefully we'll be laughing a lot together. I'm going to be attracted to the man who understands that I'm going to challenge him. If you spend enough time with me you're gonna hear the F word. I'm going to show you my lunatic side. Jewish and living in or around NYC a must. I'm looking for an honest man. Intellectually challenging but not a blow-hard about it. Degrees, Ivy-League, and world travelling don't impress me. Character is the key. Kindness and a willingness to share in his knowledge and ideas a must. My list of adjectives or must-haves is short: You have depth of character and insight about the world. You’re grounded in spirituality, but not religious. We have compatible views, and where we might differ you respect mine. Easy right? I’ve found happiness and contentment in my life. I think I’m just missing you. If you want to know more – and of course there’s much more to know – get in touch! Let’s find out!
Why is it that when I'm asked what it is I want and I list my wants I often hear: "Do you think you're a little picky?"
Why am I not "at least honest and that's a good thing" ?
Here's what I list:
Depth of character and an appealing personality are more important to me than a man's job title and social status. I have a hearty and infectious laugh. Hopefully we'll be laughing a lot together. I'm going to be attracted to the man who understands that I'm going to challenge him. If you spend enough time with me you're gonna hear the F word. I'm going to show you my lunatic side. Jewish and living in or around NYC a must. I'm looking for an honest man. Intellectually challenging but not a blow-hard about it. Degrees, Ivy-League, and world travelling don't impress me. Character is the key. Kindness and a willingness to share in his knowledge and ideas a must. My list of adjectives or must-haves is short: You have depth of character and insight about the world. You’re grounded in spirituality, but not religious. We have compatible views, and where we might differ you respect mine. Easy right? I’ve found happiness and contentment in my life. I think I’m just missing you. If you want to know more – and of course there’s much more to know – get in touch! Let’s find out!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Nominate Me: Jews That Do!
Now onto business!
NOMINATE ME PLEASE! SHAMELESS REQUEST OF THIS BLOGGER.
Welcome to Leadel's “Jews That Do” Video Contest!!!
"Do you think you know the next Jewish Idol? Is it You? You know the type of person…
Someone who is an overachiever, does amazing and incredible feats, inspires you with their imagination and creativity, sets your soul aflame with the power of their dedication and ideals - or, perhaps all they do is make you a sandwich from time to time. No matter. You get the idea.
These people, they leave awe in the wake of their awesomeness, they make the world a better place, they make you want to be a better person and you know what? We want to get to know them too! In return, we'll share your "Jew Do-er" with the world and give you the opportunity to win some fantastic prizes!"
Contest Dates
Video Entry / Application Period:
November 8 - December 31, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
What A Truely Honest Male Profile On JDate Would Say
I measure my worth by the age of the woman I seek. While I'm of the age of carrying and needing viagara to show you a good time in the bedroom I refuse to date a woman older than 35. Even though I myself am 45 + I seek to meet only women (barely more than girls) the age of 26-35. I have no desire for a women of my own age because she might have opinions and a mind of her own. I might actually risk having to share thoughts and experiences that she might try to inject and quite frankly women over 35 have too many thoughts. Better to find a much much younger woman than myself, well because I earned it. I worked on my career and I have some money. I've been quite selfish over my 45+ years and spent my time and money on me only, going to the gym and I'm ripped so I think that gives me the right to have a mate/spouse that is more than 10 years my junior, a woman who hasn't developed herself yet and I can manipulate. Yeah yeah yeah!
If only they understood this: "Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without." ~ Rafael Ortiz
If only they understood this: "Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without." ~ Rafael Ortiz
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Competition Is The Key
Hat tip: James T
I found the following extremely interesting: all schools must take any kid with a voucher, not just those with good grades. Watch the video for the rest of the facts.
I found the following extremely interesting: all schools must take any kid with a voucher, not just those with good grades. Watch the video for the rest of the facts.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Holder Is A Fraud & Is Holding The American People Hostage
Atty General Holder is brining the mastermind of 9/11 and the murderer of Daniel Pearl to NYC to be tried in our federal courts.
Attorney General Holder's own law firm has been representing these terrorists. He should recuse himself. That he has not should be the screaming alarm from every media point. That it is not, is more alarming than that last fact.
Holder stated and it was reported on Thursday morning on FOX news in response to concerns that if KSM is found not guilty in our federal court system he would not be set out on the streets of NYC but instead...and read this slowly now...would then be considered an enemy combatant and held indefinitely by the government.
This is a joke, a rouse. This is not about trying these bastards who declared war on us and killed my fellow NYers that day as well as those at the Pentagon and in the planes. Yes, remember that day folks? They took living breathing human beings, American citizens and our planes they were in and used those planes as the biggest missiles, bigger than military made missiles and flew them directly into 3 buildings, one plane being taken over by the hostages and taken down, exploding in a field PA.
This move to the federal system isn't about giving them a trial because the Obama Administration stopped the military trials that the Bush Administration along with the International Community set up through international laws that had begun at GITMO.
This is about putting our justice system on trial itself.
Think about it. Millions of dollars will be spent on this. The feds will try to bankrupt NYS and NYC with this trial putting all the burden on my city and state completely. After years of legal bullshit, if KSM gets off, like OJ did then the Obama Administration can lambaste our system, can now use it as a weapon to dismantle it calling it illegitimate, a failure... the reason they have to hold KSM in custody without a guilty verdict.
And this is what they want. Make no mistakes about it. This is the goal.
This is not simply about putting the Bush Administration on trial. This is about putting our entire system on trial. THE ENTIRE THING.
We cannot let this happen. If we do, you can be sure this is what will happen. You can be sure they will use this as a way to fundamentally change our nation once and for all. Nullify the justice system.
In the words of Drinking With Bob:
WHAT'S NEXT WHAT'S NEXT WHAT'S NEXT!
Attorney General Holder's own law firm has been representing these terrorists. He should recuse himself. That he has not should be the screaming alarm from every media point. That it is not, is more alarming than that last fact.
Holder stated and it was reported on Thursday morning on FOX news in response to concerns that if KSM is found not guilty in our federal court system he would not be set out on the streets of NYC but instead...and read this slowly now...would then be considered an enemy combatant and held indefinitely by the government.
This is a joke, a rouse. This is not about trying these bastards who declared war on us and killed my fellow NYers that day as well as those at the Pentagon and in the planes. Yes, remember that day folks? They took living breathing human beings, American citizens and our planes they were in and used those planes as the biggest missiles, bigger than military made missiles and flew them directly into 3 buildings, one plane being taken over by the hostages and taken down, exploding in a field PA.
This move to the federal system isn't about giving them a trial because the Obama Administration stopped the military trials that the Bush Administration along with the International Community set up through international laws that had begun at GITMO.
This is about putting our justice system on trial itself.
Think about it. Millions of dollars will be spent on this. The feds will try to bankrupt NYS and NYC with this trial putting all the burden on my city and state completely. After years of legal bullshit, if KSM gets off, like OJ did then the Obama Administration can lambaste our system, can now use it as a weapon to dismantle it calling it illegitimate, a failure... the reason they have to hold KSM in custody without a guilty verdict.
And this is what they want. Make no mistakes about it. This is the goal.
This is not simply about putting the Bush Administration on trial. This is about putting our entire system on trial. THE ENTIRE THING.
We cannot let this happen. If we do, you can be sure this is what will happen. You can be sure they will use this as a way to fundamentally change our nation once and for all. Nullify the justice system.
In the words of Drinking With Bob:
WHAT'S NEXT WHAT'S NEXT WHAT'S NEXT!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Mammograms and Test Balloons- Guest Post
Today's post is from one of my very favorite people and bloggers: Aleta. Please check out her blog here when you're done reading her guest post today.
The Obama admin has sent up it's first test balloon on healthcare rationing. The admin has gotten medical groups to endorse mammograms as being "unnecessary" for women under 50 years old. This is a precursor to healthcare rationing beginning with the significant cost of preventive mammograms. This "test ballon" is to get public reaction to the idea that the one payer, gov option plan WON'T cover any mamms for women under 50.
It doesn't matter that untold numbers of women even in their 30s die very year from breast cancer. It doesn't matter that the FDA TRIED (although unsuccesfully) to destroy our oyster industry because of only 12 deaths per year.
The report is that MOST discoveries of tumors in women under 50 are only benign in nature. That ignores ALL those women, under 50, who WOULD HAVE DIED, had their breast cancer not been discoverd. It ignores the fact that it COST MUCH LESS to treat this cancer in the EARLY STAGES.
This will save the gov run plan untold zillions in dollars and FORCE folks to get additonal coverage that will be MORE expensive than ever. Insurance companies who are targets of the gov plan, will make EVEN more money by providing this coverage that women WON'T go without.
If you had ANY doubt about where this healtcare plan is headed, you shouldn't have it now. Next will be colonoscopies and prostate exams.
This "test balloon" MUST be shot down NOW.
The Obama admin has sent up it's first test balloon on healthcare rationing. The admin has gotten medical groups to endorse mammograms as being "unnecessary" for women under 50 years old. This is a precursor to healthcare rationing beginning with the significant cost of preventive mammograms. This "test ballon" is to get public reaction to the idea that the one payer, gov option plan WON'T cover any mamms for women under 50.
It doesn't matter that untold numbers of women even in their 30s die very year from breast cancer. It doesn't matter that the FDA TRIED (although unsuccesfully) to destroy our oyster industry because of only 12 deaths per year.
The report is that MOST discoveries of tumors in women under 50 are only benign in nature. That ignores ALL those women, under 50, who WOULD HAVE DIED, had their breast cancer not been discoverd. It ignores the fact that it COST MUCH LESS to treat this cancer in the EARLY STAGES.
This will save the gov run plan untold zillions in dollars and FORCE folks to get additonal coverage that will be MORE expensive than ever. Insurance companies who are targets of the gov plan, will make EVEN more money by providing this coverage that women WON'T go without.
If you had ANY doubt about where this healtcare plan is headed, you shouldn't have it now. Next will be colonoscopies and prostate exams.
This "test balloon" MUST be shot down NOW.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The (Jewish) Dating Game
http://www.jwisdom.com/shows/577/ (audio)
“Incompatibility” is the oft cited reason for shattered marriages. Of course, for many, it’s just a polite way of saying: “I don’t want to discuss it.” But more frequently, it’s actually the truth. The former MTV producer and stand-up comedian turned rabbi serves up hardball advice for daters who actually want to stay married"
“Incompatibility” is the oft cited reason for shattered marriages. Of course, for many, it’s just a polite way of saying: “I don’t want to discuss it.” But more frequently, it’s actually the truth. The former MTV producer and stand-up comedian turned rabbi serves up hardball advice for daters who actually want to stay married"
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
The Christinan Section of Cairo
First HUGE HUGE Hat Tip To James T for this youtube clip!
Second: This is and will continue to be my answer to every left wing idiot who trolls this blog or in RL that screams their falsehoods about Gaza and apartheid because of their ignorance of history, facts and plain anti-Jewish/Israel views.
Second: This is and will continue to be my answer to every left wing idiot who trolls this blog or in RL that screams their falsehoods about Gaza and apartheid because of their ignorance of history, facts and plain anti-Jewish/Israel views.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Captured On My Cell Phone - Drunk Guy @ 50th Street Uptown E Train
Tuesday night, November 10, 2009 around 10:35PM upon entering the subway I saw this guy. I only had my cell phone to capture the moment. Too bad I didn't have my other video camera to truly capture his face. 30 second shots only...but funny nonetheless. He never ever realized I was filming him. I wonder if someone was filming me film him. LOL
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Black Derangement Syndrome
How can I explain what happened to me and many others right now as anything but Black Derangement Syndrome?
And if you need a further definition Dorothy Rabinowitz of online WSJ defines it like this: a palpitating fear of discomfiting facts and a willingness to discard those facts and embrace the richest possible variety of ludicrous theories as to the motives behind an act
You can present fact after fact after fact but nothing matters to people like this who are brain washed.
I had a worrisome incident at work the other night. Now we all know that writing about our jobs on our blogs for those of us who do not do that for a living is a tricky topic...so bear with me if I leave out some details.
At the end of my shift, I put on my winter coat. On the bottom of the coat sleeve is my Bloomberg button. a co-worker whom I have known for more than a year and had only quick and good interactions with thus far saw the button.
He is a black man. Hence Black Derangement Syndrome.
At first I thought he was just talking with me. Nothing in our past has ever suggested that this was not a few simple civil words in disagreement.
Then I thought perhaps he was poking me, kidding with me, since we have a history of silly stupid and quick words to make each other giggle and then move on with our work days.
But quickly I realized this man was raging. Before I knew it I was being called a dictator oh and yes don't forget I'M GREEDY. We're Greedy. Corps are GREEDY. And listening to how all the taxes we spend should go to the people not the corporations and social justice and help the homeless and the unemployed.
I love how marxist libtards cherry pick who is greedy! I guess to him this is not greed:
Total Personal Staff members for other first ladies paid by taxpayers:
Mamie Eisenhower : 1 paid for personally out of President's salary
Jackie Kennedy: 1
Roseline Carter: 1
Barbara Bush: 1
Hilary Clinton: 3
Laura Bush: 1
Michele Obama: 22
Now did he want to hear anything I had to say? I'm sure you know the answer to that.
He was sitting down, while I stood up -leaning into me, nose to nose with me. Turning his head left and right, in my face. I held out my arm to create space. I said, "Our differences in opinion need not create bad blood between us at work." He was standing next to me now. He put his hand on my arm just above my elbow and tried to shove me away as he screamed at me, "You can have your opinions over there! You just want to shut me up dictator!"
Well I guess being bottom heavy has it's advantages because I wasn't going anywhere and I said to this man, "Take your hands off me." I had to say it two times. All this while security watched but did nothing.
He did take his hands off me and I walked away.
I will tell you I did get a few minor words in edgewise although when you're dealing with Black Derangement Syndrome apparently this only serves to infuriate the raging person.
In regard to his unemployment outrage and the bad economy I calmly said (as this was at the start of all this), "Who makes the laws that have the control over these situations?" He said not local government. Correct. I then said, "OK so who is the one making policy and laws that are affecting our jobs and economy?" He was quiet. So I explained, "The Federal Government." And then I said, "Who is the federal government?"
I also pointed out that locally in NYC we have a City Council. "Who makes up the majority in the City Council?" No answer. Me, "The Democrats. And Bloomberg can do nothing without their help."
Nonetheless, because of our current political climate and I squarely blame Obama, his henchmen and his cronies who dribble down to the very level of what I experienced the other night, I was assaulted at work, for wearing my Bloomberg button which outraged this man. This same man who wore his Obama button during working hours for month and months squarely under his chin on his coat lapel every single night.
How's that for tolerance, unity and multiculturalism?
And if you need a further definition Dorothy Rabinowitz of online WSJ defines it like this: a palpitating fear of discomfiting facts and a willingness to discard those facts and embrace the richest possible variety of ludicrous theories as to the motives behind an act
You can present fact after fact after fact but nothing matters to people like this who are brain washed.
I had a worrisome incident at work the other night. Now we all know that writing about our jobs on our blogs for those of us who do not do that for a living is a tricky topic...so bear with me if I leave out some details.
At the end of my shift, I put on my winter coat. On the bottom of the coat sleeve is my Bloomberg button. a co-worker whom I have known for more than a year and had only quick and good interactions with thus far saw the button.
He is a black man. Hence Black Derangement Syndrome.
At first I thought he was just talking with me. Nothing in our past has ever suggested that this was not a few simple civil words in disagreement.
Then I thought perhaps he was poking me, kidding with me, since we have a history of silly stupid and quick words to make each other giggle and then move on with our work days.
But quickly I realized this man was raging. Before I knew it I was being called a dictator oh and yes don't forget I'M GREEDY. We're Greedy. Corps are GREEDY. And listening to how all the taxes we spend should go to the people not the corporations and social justice and help the homeless and the unemployed.
I love how marxist libtards cherry pick who is greedy! I guess to him this is not greed:
Total Personal Staff members for other first ladies paid by taxpayers:
Mamie Eisenhower : 1 paid for personally out of President's salary
Jackie Kennedy: 1
Roseline Carter: 1
Barbara Bush: 1
Hilary Clinton: 3
Laura Bush: 1
Michele Obama: 22
Now did he want to hear anything I had to say? I'm sure you know the answer to that.
He was sitting down, while I stood up -leaning into me, nose to nose with me. Turning his head left and right, in my face. I held out my arm to create space. I said, "Our differences in opinion need not create bad blood between us at work." He was standing next to me now. He put his hand on my arm just above my elbow and tried to shove me away as he screamed at me, "You can have your opinions over there! You just want to shut me up dictator!"
Well I guess being bottom heavy has it's advantages because I wasn't going anywhere and I said to this man, "Take your hands off me." I had to say it two times. All this while security watched but did nothing.
He did take his hands off me and I walked away.
I will tell you I did get a few minor words in edgewise although when you're dealing with Black Derangement Syndrome apparently this only serves to infuriate the raging person.
In regard to his unemployment outrage and the bad economy I calmly said (as this was at the start of all this), "Who makes the laws that have the control over these situations?" He said not local government. Correct. I then said, "OK so who is the one making policy and laws that are affecting our jobs and economy?" He was quiet. So I explained, "The Federal Government." And then I said, "Who is the federal government?"
I also pointed out that locally in NYC we have a City Council. "Who makes up the majority in the City Council?" No answer. Me, "The Democrats. And Bloomberg can do nothing without their help."
Nonetheless, because of our current political climate and I squarely blame Obama, his henchmen and his cronies who dribble down to the very level of what I experienced the other night, I was assaulted at work, for wearing my Bloomberg button which outraged this man. This same man who wore his Obama button during working hours for month and months squarely under his chin on his coat lapel every single night.
How's that for tolerance, unity and multiculturalism?
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Congratulations New York Yankees
What a game that was to watch last night. I went to my neighborhood bar and watched with the other Yankee Fans...and some Mets fans who were gracious.
I've been somewhat of a hermit the past couple of years. I've been super focused on my career and with my dating past, feeling so burned and cautious besides the online dating here and there I've rarely put myself in a social situation. So one of my goals has been to "get the fuck out of my apt." So on the first game night of the series I walked to this bar that looks laid back and I walked in and they guys in there are nice. They are mostly older guys who I could tell would treat me with respect and not be disgusting and hit on me like 23 year olds do. And there are a few guys who are closer in my age and fun to talk to and also behave themselves. And that is the perfect comfort zone for me.
So alas, I walked back in last night around 9PM. There were no spots left at the bar. I sat my ass down at a table with a guy (older than me by leaps and bounds) who was sitting alone. He was very kind, sweet and yes he liked me. It was obvious. And to be honest I really do not know how to handle these things very well. Do I make light of it, just say thank you, tease or ignore. I just don't know. I did my best. He was so kind and nice and not gross about it at all.
He bought me some drinks and we had really nice conversation and best of all I got to watch my Yankees win for the 27th time! It was a great game and fun night out. It barely cost me a dime. I like the bar tenders and the crowd and I feel like I finally have a hang out in my neighborhood for myself.
Congratulations Yankees!
PS- re: previous post: I deleted the guys number. I just don't like how I feel. I should be feeling great and he should be making me feel great and that is just not happening.
I've been somewhat of a hermit the past couple of years. I've been super focused on my career and with my dating past, feeling so burned and cautious besides the online dating here and there I've rarely put myself in a social situation. So one of my goals has been to "get the fuck out of my apt." So on the first game night of the series I walked to this bar that looks laid back and I walked in and they guys in there are nice. They are mostly older guys who I could tell would treat me with respect and not be disgusting and hit on me like 23 year olds do. And there are a few guys who are closer in my age and fun to talk to and also behave themselves. And that is the perfect comfort zone for me.
So alas, I walked back in last night around 9PM. There were no spots left at the bar. I sat my ass down at a table with a guy (older than me by leaps and bounds) who was sitting alone. He was very kind, sweet and yes he liked me. It was obvious. And to be honest I really do not know how to handle these things very well. Do I make light of it, just say thank you, tease or ignore. I just don't know. I did my best. He was so kind and nice and not gross about it at all.
He bought me some drinks and we had really nice conversation and best of all I got to watch my Yankees win for the 27th time! It was a great game and fun night out. It barely cost me a dime. I like the bar tenders and the crowd and I feel like I finally have a hang out in my neighborhood for myself.
Congratulations Yankees!
PS- re: previous post: I deleted the guys number. I just don't like how I feel. I should be feeling great and he should be making me feel great and that is just not happening.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Because I Say The Things You All Are Thinking
I'm probably a bit too much about self-inquiry. But the more I ask for points of reference the more I learn that all my friends and many of those I'm not friends with all have the same thoughts and feelings and insecurities as I do. The biggest difference between them and me is that I am vocal about it, I question, I speak and I write it here on my blog.
I've realized over the last few years that I am a perfectionist. And as such I wish that my output was perfection but I never feel even close to it. I beat myself up a lot about things that everyone else also experiences but for some reason I have always felt I was not allowed to experience...screw up or make mistakes.
But I'm working on it! I have some great bloggy friends and RL friends who are setting me straight and teaching me how to be kind to me about this stuff.
I recently (finally) met a guy I'm attracted to. I can't say if it will continue past this week, this day or not. I just know that it already tested a limit of mine and has made my head spin about myself. My insecurities are raging. This guy talks too damn much and I think too damn much. He's articulate and was so confident that it actually made me start to shake and pull back and not let go. I'm surprised at myself. I'm usually the bold one, the confident one, the hot head, the big mouth.
The most interesting thing is that this guy is extremely articulate and asks good questions in those moments however what he thinks is happening in my head is based upon his experiences with other women and lets face it, I'm not like most women. My hang ups are very different. I didn't hold back with him because of body issues (although he asked - and then awesomely told me about every part of me he liked and why!) I held back but could not tell him so, because I was faced with my own crossroads of what I want vs. what I am living and I couldn't make peace with it in that particular moment. And I just couldn't tell him. He sincerely wanted to know but I couldn't tell him and I found myself telling him that I liked him but he talks too damn much. He laughed. And I am positive he has been told this many times before.
I'm unsure if this will go past this very day. The ball is squarely in his court. I know I will not chase. And that is all I know.
I've realized over the last few years that I am a perfectionist. And as such I wish that my output was perfection but I never feel even close to it. I beat myself up a lot about things that everyone else also experiences but for some reason I have always felt I was not allowed to experience...screw up or make mistakes.
But I'm working on it! I have some great bloggy friends and RL friends who are setting me straight and teaching me how to be kind to me about this stuff.
I recently (finally) met a guy I'm attracted to. I can't say if it will continue past this week, this day or not. I just know that it already tested a limit of mine and has made my head spin about myself. My insecurities are raging. This guy talks too damn much and I think too damn much. He's articulate and was so confident that it actually made me start to shake and pull back and not let go. I'm surprised at myself. I'm usually the bold one, the confident one, the hot head, the big mouth.
The most interesting thing is that this guy is extremely articulate and asks good questions in those moments however what he thinks is happening in my head is based upon his experiences with other women and lets face it, I'm not like most women. My hang ups are very different. I didn't hold back with him because of body issues (although he asked - and then awesomely told me about every part of me he liked and why!) I held back but could not tell him so, because I was faced with my own crossroads of what I want vs. what I am living and I couldn't make peace with it in that particular moment. And I just couldn't tell him. He sincerely wanted to know but I couldn't tell him and I found myself telling him that I liked him but he talks too damn much. He laughed. And I am positive he has been told this many times before.
I'm unsure if this will go past this very day. The ball is squarely in his court. I know I will not chase. And that is all I know.
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