"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Jon & Kate Plus 8

I've always enjoyed watching this show on TLC. But it was obvious that there were problems. I'm not sure what I found most appealing about this show because there are so many aspects I like. I'm a voyuer. I like to people watch. I like observing behavior. But I hate fake. This show never appeared scripted and they claim it is not.

I'm watching a one-hour special as I write this. It's an old special from after one year of taping. They look like regular folk. Sadly now they do not.

I think the one thing I've observed a lot as a single girl trying to figure out why she's single and what she needs in order to partner up is the lack of respect between couples. And it's clear that this respect doesn't exist between these two.

And this respect slowly erroded over the course of the taping of the show.

I know a lot of people see Kate as the nag. But why do women nag. When there's no respect for your spouse, then you are forced to ask and ask and ask.

It takes a certain maturity level, emotional maturity level to see and hear the needs of your partner and respect them, even if they aren't what would be your priority. When there is that mutual respect you have a sincere desire to fulfill those needs, sometimes anticipating them.

I'm not absolving Kate. Kate is very absorbed in getting her needs met. So much so that she doesn't listen to her partner.

As a Jon & Kate junkie I've watched many episodes more than once. And it is a bit painful to listen to her talk to Jon as if he is a child. "What day of the weekend did we meet honey?" Or her "Don't say that..." moments. There's even one episode where he's cleaning out the garage and Kate's brother comes to help and Jon tells us that Kate is nicer when her brother is around.

Sadly all Kate could hear was her perception of Jon being wrong, rather than realizing that she was making this impression, right or wrong and that she had better start addressing her husbands needs. Instead she brow beat him into believing he was wrong.

In the end, I just find it rather sad. The breakdown in communication, the immaturity of Jon and the blocked ears and wounded ego of Kate is so obvious.

This couple has 8 children that they need to make a good life for and repair their marriage for. They both need to check their egos and wounded hearts and feelings and repair the respect they once had for each other because it's not about them first anymore.

Jon & Kate please grow up before your kids do.


The Queen said...

You are right. I think the difference between a marriage making it and not making it, would be respect.

That may be why some people grow closer through a tragic event and why some fall apart. Respect. Seeing what the other one needs and putting that before or at least equal to your own.

and I also believe no marriage survives without strong support systems. The friend you can run to when it's just too much.. and know what is said there, stays there.

Da Old Man said...

This show annoys me. Kate is a PITA.

Aleta said...

One of my friends loves that show. I've never watched it, but after reading your blog, I'm inclined to do so.

Excellent point that you made ~ it does take respect. Not just for your spouse, but to have it for yourself as well. I've often told Greg how much I appreciate him and that I don't ever want to take him for granted.

Relationships are work, but well worth it if both partners care.