A wise woman said this to me today. And it's true. Dating sucks. I just got dumped. But as many of you know the entire story you all felt that he did me a favor.
Have you heard the Mel Gibson audio tapes that have just been released? Well, let me tell you that "C" sounded exactly like Mel on those released tapes. No exaggeration.
I spent a month with a man who I did see a temper with but really had no idea he was also a drunk and an abusive one at that. One minute I'm getting a text saying "Why Are You So Nice?" And 10 minutes later while sitting in the bar section of a restaurant, by myself at 9PM on a Thursday after work, in my neighborhood trying some chicken wings this guy told me were the best in the area, I'm getting a call telling me: "You're a bitch and you only went there to find and screw "S" so you can go fuck yourself bitch. You should have asked me first if it was OK. I'M THE MAN! I'M THE MAN. You're not supposed to relate to other men, ONLY ME! I never want to see you or speak with you again!"
That call happened twice and that was last Thursday. I've never received a follow-up call sober apologizing or hearing any remorse. Now let me say it wouldn't change anything for me. I'd never trust him again to be in his life. But I did think that call would come when the alcohol was out of the body.
I'm so lucky to have the amazing friends I do have in my life. Each one of them called me and spoke to me as long as I needed. Never once saying at midnight they had to get off the phone. Everyone said he was sick and asked me if I wanted to be with a person that would speak to me that way even if the excuse was alcohol.
About two weeks ago I was stopped on the street by a very young girl who said she does readings and did one for me for free. And she was dead on it was scary. She knew there was a "C" in my life. And she spoke about a loved one I just lost. And other details I won't share that are personal. She told me people are jealous of me and what I'm able to do. But that I give too many people the benefit of the doubt and I end up being taken advantage of.
It's true, more than once I gave "C" the benefit of the doubt. Even when Aleta told me "NEXT." I wanted to see the good in him. I really did. I wanted to give the understanding I'd have wanted if it were me. And that brought me the verbal smackdown.
And even though he is a turd I feel sad.
A male work friend called up "C" and told him off. He defended my honor. I was there when it happened. It was terrific.
So now I'm just trying to get him out of my head. Cause ain't nobody who doesn't pay rent has the right to space in my head!
Monday, July 12, 2010
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3 comments:
You look for the good in people. That's the "give them the benefit of the doubt" too often. It's a beautiful thing about you, but it can hurt you too. I used to do that before I met Greg. Then my cousin told me, "Everyone has at LEAST 10 faults. You are always looking for the good. Change the behavior and look for the bad, really look for it and then ask yourself if you can live with those 10 faults. If not, move on to the next 10 faults that you can live with." It was a strange way for me to think, but it really did help. It makes you focus and it gives a little less of the benefit of the doubt but still able to see the good AND the bad and know what YOU can and can't live with. I'm proud of you, Lauren. You can feel sad even when he's a turd, but you aren't still with him!
Aleta, I was sad. But after some new things I learned from his "friends" I'm no longer sad. I'm relieved.
I'm so proud of you! Too many women try to make it work - when they shouldn't. Glad you are true to yourself and strong.
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