"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Gift's You Should Not Buy For Anyone

I found this site and I sent it to my brother with the following note:
Dear Brother,This is what's in your future if you don't get a clue this year! Your loving and thoughtful gift giving sister, Lauren.

I copied both my parents too!

Yes this sister is TIRED of the lame bullshit emails from her brother asking what she wants only to be told that it costs too much and he'll give me $35 toward what I want. Gee thank you of wonderous brother o mine! Now can you please tell me another story about those golden golf clubs of yours....while I sneak out of the room, find one and smash your brains out with it?

You're in the dog house o brother. No more cheap shit. No more lame I only have $35 to give you. Get your priorities straight for once asswipe!

Because apparently nominating him here hasn't been enough of a stick.

Well finding this article was just icing on the cake of my confirmation that my brother is one of the world's worst gift givers. Sad thing is that he really doesn't even care that he is. I don't think he's even oblivious. I really think he couldn't care less. He's too involved with what goodies he is going to get for himself next.

Always you can count on hearing about some golf club or stripe on his car he will be painting just after he tells you how he really doesn't have money or can't spend the dough to take the 1.5 hour car trip to visit you.

But I digress. #6 on the list is : A stuffed animal to anyone over the age of 8Because it's cheesy and infantilizing and weird. Because grown-ups shouldn't own stuffed animal collections. Because also, from a man to a lady, it's usually a pretty lazy gift.

Well I just about fell off the chair and onto the floor when I saw that one. Poor Mom. She got two of those stupid bears from my brother for gifts. Which means he actually broke two rules. #1 Theme gifts (more than 2x)Say you know someone who likes fishing, or golf, or model airplanes. Most likely, everybody in that person's life knows about this hobby. And, probably, each of these people have given person A an item that relates to the thing that he/she loves. Which means that—for example, in the case of my dad—person A now has more fishing junk than he knows what to do with. My dad has been gifted everything from fishing hats to ceramic fishes, Gone Fishin' license plate covers to rod-and-reel beer cozies. Point is, we should value when someone enjoys something, but we should not inundate them with so much junk that their hobby becomes a storage chore.

Tickles me pink! I believe she got one of those over the hill bears for turning 50 and another from the same company when we found out she had Leukemia. Hey nothing says I love you like a booboo bear when you're diagnosed with blood cancer. OY!

13 comments:

Chat Blanc said...

The doghouse site is hilarious! Should be plenty of company in there. And the gifts not to get is dead on. Bro needs to get a clue! :)

It's Time to Live... said...

Now you have me feeling guilty, I collect Teddy Bears and have done (quietly) for 20 or more years! Being a "man" I'm not suppose to do things like that. I help my wife with the housework to ;)

Aleta said...

Ok, Greg would say, "Aleta might have you beat on this..." Well, not really... But... ahem, my family is known for - buying me a gift and saying, "Ok, Aleta, here's your gift, wrap it up and bring it to the house to open on Christmas day." Yeah, I've wrapped my own gifts for years. Kinda takes the joy out of unwrapping? Anyway, when Greg found out about this (happened on my birthday from my parents), Greg put his foot down and said, "Aleta is NOT wrapping her own gifts this Christmas." He's sweet.

But yikes about your brother... ok, my brother has become a lot better, but for years and years and years, he NEVER bought gifts!! It wasn't until I started dragging him to the store - then he started buying things. I'm so happy he's married - Roda has done wonders for him.

I can't wait to find out what you get for Christmas this year! Hope he comes through for you.

I say - open your gift from your brother first and if you don't like it - take the gift you have for him away from the tree and say, "No, I heard you were a bad boy this year!"

Swirl Girl said...

I don't think I've received a gift from my brother (or sister for that matter) in about 35 years.

thank god.

Da Old Man said...

Yeah, I got a bunch of stupid gifts. Tired of hearing "It's the thought" when no though went into it.

Romany Angel said...

Thank God for It's Time to Live. I collect teddy bears too and I am definitely over the age of 8 and apparently infantile.

Pfft...who cares? I love my teddy bears anyway and am thrilled when anyone buys me one for a gift.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

I give everyone Ecards .... and THANKS for my gift the other day!

YHAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOO!!!!

(I'm still excited)

Lauren said...

@chatty, He should have been living in that doghouse for a while now!

@time to live, I don't think they're talking about those that collect.

@aleta, well it's kind of hard to take his gift back from under the tree -- since we use a menorah instead. ;) That sucketh about you buying and wrapping your own gifts. I cannot believe you put up with that. I'm glad you have Greg!

@swirl girl, sometimes that's better. Last year I started to say "let's just do cards ok?"


@D.O.M., if there were a prize for the comments today you'd be my grand prize winner. You captured the spirit of my post completely! :D


@Romney, see my answer to Time

@Speedcat, I love jaquielawson ecards. :) And you earned those entrecards my dear. And what a nice singing voice you've got.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Why thank you young lady!

Babs (Beetle) said...

Ha ha! I Hate stuffed animals! Except the beautiful bears my niece makes ;O)

Christa said...

I feel for you, as the receiver of crappy gifts, but I admit. I am not a great gift giver.

Actually, scratch that, I give a good gift when I know the person well but with my family, specifically my nephews and niece, they have EVERY FRICKING toy imaginable and since I rarely see them, we don't have much of a connection.

I put my tail between my legs when I say....they may get cash.

*I am bolting outta here now*

Lauren said...

@babs I bet those bears are great! I don't think that is the kind of thing they are talking about tho.

@Christa It's hard to get gifts for people when you don't connect. The bro and I don't have the tightest relationship but somehow I know him and he doesn't know me. It's hurtful. Thanks for popping by!

Aleta said...

Whoops about the tree comment... ehhhhh.... open his gift first before producing one for him!