"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Benefits Of Being Single

This time of year most people do resolutions. Not happenin' here!

2008 was for the most part a pretty good year for this single gal. I made a ton of good blog friends. I got certified in my career of choice. WHOOHOO! My client base is picking up without any effort on my part...referrals. LOVE THAT WORD! I moved to a better apartment...well except for this bastard new neighbor who at this moment is blasting his fucking stereo. I'm writing this post on Xmas so I'm letting it go. If this becomes a pattern I'm going to call the landlord and complain. There was a family next door to me for year with a baby. I never heard them. There's no excuse for this shit!

Sadness. Olivia, my sweet Olivia passed away after being with me for 17 years.

So what I've decided to do is write the benefits of being single. Heck I've got more experience at that then anything else I've ever done, right?

Here goes:

  1. You can walk around in your undies all day until you have to get dressed for work.
  2. You can decide not to shower for days if you don't have to leave your house.
  3. You can use the bathroom with the door open.
  4. You can shower with the door open.
  5. The hair on the soap is only from you.
  6. You only have to discipline the cats and THEY LISTEN.
  7. You can watch the television and fall asleep to it and not be chastised.
  8. You can blog at any hour and no one yells at you to get off the computer.
  9. Leftovers are all for you.
  10. You only have to suffer the cats farts and poops.
  11. You can burp and fart when needed. (and any other bodily thing like picking your nose...you know you do it!)
  12. You can eat spare ribs and be as messy as you want.


Ronda's Rants said...

You are funny...but sadly I do those things and I am married...
Happy New Year!!!

swile67 said...

very good post and a good reminder:) thanks!;)happy new year!

LadyBanana said...

I'm sure I could think of lots more benefits as well.. but, like Ronda, I don't really let being with someone make too much of a difference to me!

CastoCreations said...


I must say though, that if you find the RIGHT man you can STILL do all those things. hee hee hee It used to freak my hubby out that I wouldn't close the door when going to the bathroom. But that's how I was raised! He's used to it now. lol

Da Old Man said...

OK, you do realize that some of those things are preferred even when with someone.

Check: You can walk around in your undies all day until you have to get dressed for work.

Check: You can use the bathroom with the door open.

Hell yes: You can shower with the door open.

The rest are negotiable, more or less.

Swirl Girl said...

Being single and being a mom is about the same ...except I guess cats may listen.

Lauren said...

Youse Guys are tooo funny.
I think you are failing to realize that at my ripe age, the men who are left are rather picky and their expectations are a bit off and well they just would run for the hills if they witnessed those things.

But you all made me laugh A LOT! :D

Jessica said...

What a cute post--lol! I still do these things too, despite being married!

Anonymous said...

Sorry I do all those things and a few more unsavoury ones besides and I'm married.

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

HAHAHA! But when you are married you have to watch the other person do this stuff! (Not always fun)

Chat Blanc said...

I love those things about being single! :)