"The problem here is a totalitarian uniformity, a cult-like mentality such that even allies are enemies if they fail to follow the Exact Party Line. " - Phyllis Chesler

Monday, April 5, 2010

List Of Animals You Wish Would Eat Your Enemies

Enemies, frienemies. We all have them. In the comment section please list the animals you wish would eat your enemies. Here's your chance to let out some steam without your friends and family knowing since you'll be leaving your story on my blog comments. Hope you have fun with this one.

I'm starting with a Vulture.
As "C" walks down the street the Vulture flies by and picks her up with her talons by her hair. As "C" screams and tries to break free the Vulture takes one of her long talons and wraps it around "C's" big nasty mouth and the other talon around her waist. Then the Vulture takes it's beak and pecks her eyes out and rips her nasty rumor spreading lips off and chews them up and spits them on the ground. The Vulture continues to rip body parts off starting with her ears until nothing is left but skin and bones. But the Vulture was confused when seeking out the it's favorite part of to eat, the heart. There was none to be found.

The end.


Opus #6 said...

I am trying to think about which enemy I would wish death upon and I can't think of one.

Anger/jealousy is the potion which corrodes the vessel carrying it.

LaurAyn said...

Opus - You're being too literal. It's a fantasy to release anger at those who have been evil in your life or to others. No one is literally wishing death on anyone. Think of it like putting the big bad wolf in the boiling pot.

michaeldcarney said...

Love the missing heart part!

Drusilla said...

As a first-timer & a nerd, I must point out that vutures only eat dead flesh. Of course since C doesn't have a heart, C is probably dead. I would like to see the vulture's shock when C begins to scream.

As for the animal I would like to see eat - well perhaps they're not enemies but they are really stupid people. Christ did not command us to love really stupid people - I mean people so stupid, you can only look at them in wonder because they are still alive. They're not enemies. Just really, really stupid.

My fantasy is that the polar bears in those absurd 'save the burgeoning population of polar bears' commercials would actually get into the boat. And then do what polar bears, who have no natural predators, do. Which is only natural considering they are polar bears and must stock up for the winter. And I figure one stupid person is probably worth about two baby seals and baby seals are rather cute. That which is cute is worth saving - at least until dinner or coat making time.

Afterwards, the poor polar bear would hop back on his tanning ice berg and wait for another floating stupid people happy meal. Sometimes there are two or more stupid people per boat! Yum! Yum! And if they bring a yappy little accessory dog, the polar bear gets a treat too.

By the way, I write theology in my spare time. And I'm glad I found this site.


Michael said...

I like the whole polar bear thing. Very nice. I like to see a whole bunch of predators enter the big cities and seek out any one who is a member of PETA

No I'm not really that violent, it's just I like irony.

The Queen said...

I wouldn't wish my enemy ( parents) off on any poor unsuspecting animal. I don't believe in poisoning or torturing any animal.. so I can't play.. damn it!