Computer Update...Sort Of

It lives at geek squad still. Not sure when I am up and running again as I wait on a disc that I am told is coming but just don't know if this is true or not. Yes Drowsey I hate not having my computer and go right ahead and write your posts that you think would piss me off. HAHAHA! Will try to comment back to all soon. I am on limited time at the LIBRARY! Thanks for visiting me this week.

So many news stories I want to write about and can't. It's like losing both of my arms!!!!

Awards Time!

I've been honored by NOT one NOT two and NOT EVEN three fantastic bloggers. I got four awards this week.

The first honor comes from Jessica who is the sweetest blogger and is amazingly soulful in her writings AND Drowsey...read below for my tribute to her blog.

They gave me this award

The rules for this are as follows:

1. Only 5 people are allowed to receive this award
2. 4 of them followers of your blog.
3. One has to be new to your blog and live in another part of the world.
4. You must link back to who ever gave you the award.

The second award comes from a new blog friend of mine but total blog soulmate in bitching and ranting, Sandy. She's also a pisser and will make you giggle for sure...and don't forget to go vote for her blog over at humorblogs!!!!

The third comes from one of the wittiest bloggers out there Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars. He actually gave two awards and let me choose. I like the sparkly crystal on the award!

Apparently I am "smart [oh you people are fooled so easlily], she's funny [I am? cool!], she's beautiful [AWE shucks]. The big debate is whether or not she looks like Jenna Fischer from The Office. 'Nuf said. [and apparently according to a recent commenter I also have some mouth on me]

And Drowsey that Big-Headed Canadian with strange dreams and an addiction to Tim Horton's coffee awarded me this award also! I'm just kicking blog butt this week. Soon my head will be as large as Drowsey's. I 'm suppose to pass this on to my top commenters but I don't have a fancy widget to know who those people are. I suspect you already know. So if you are one of those people who always pop in please take this award home with you today too!

To fulfill Jessica's and Drowsey's requirements I am giving the first award to Sandy who writes at Wit's Bitch. She's new to my blog although I'm not sure what part of the world she lives in. If I had to venture a guess, she's in a world all her own...and a place I love to visit each day.

The second person I am awarding this to is D.O.M. He lives here. He's also new to my blog and a powerhouse in words, wit and political thought and funniness! He too comes from a completely different planet...New Jersey.

The third blogger this award goes to is Lee. Her blog is Why Isn't There Mouse Flavored Cat Food? She's a fellow cat lover and sweetie pie!

The fourth awardie is Karyne because she's my single girl Canadian blog-soulmate, with less of a potty mouth than me.

And the fifth blogger I am awarding this to is LadyBanana. Mostly because anyone willing to call themselves that publically deserves an award. :-) And well I guess she also fulfills the requirement of new to my blog and from another part of the world...the world of fish and chips!

Wordless Wednesday

My Computer Is Dead

I am posting from the library. Virus backdoored last night took over entire operating system. Geek squad has it and $300 of my non-existant cash. Hoping they can fix. Won't be on others sites this week. Some posts are pre-scheduled and some awards are being giving. Hope to see you all soon. Please bear with me. :-)

The virus is called Antivirus XP 2008.

YES I had a firewall and antivirus software. Not sure how this happened. Be careful.

Free Spirit

I am a free spirit. It pisses many people off. It's hard to define me by other's definitions and boxed in one-size fits all need to generalize. To some I am a conservative. To others I am liberal. It's really about the other person's POV.

I live by the issues. For the most part I will find myself able to agree with people on certain issues while completely disagreeing with them on others and not have any moral problems with that. Obviously I won't stand by a hater even if they have one or two values that seem to match mine.

Here's one example to explain the above...as if I need to somehow justify this to the general public! On the issue of race and the current political situation/presidential race I find myself sharing the values and thoughts of Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson. However I do have to say that upon skimming his other articles I completely disagree with his views on women and and their roles in religion. But a hater I do not think he is.

I choose by the issues! I don't choose who I stand by and with based upon the color of their skin or their religion. It's that simple.

When I meet people who don't know me that well it's always a little shocking for them to learn certain things about me. Usually people start bonding over a certain issue. And then even though we barely know each other we think we know more about that person based on that one issue.

When they learn for example that I am a Zionist it's hard for them to believe that I am not 100% conservative in my views and that I believe in holistic healthcare and spirituality and do not really follow religion.

Or for that matter when they read about my views on speaking English they can't believe I love energy therapies and natural childbirth.

What they don't seem to get is that I am a centrist and realist and a complete free spirit. I never really fit in with any one group. I fall within issues, not affiliations. I seek logic but many things in life are not logical. And yet with all my need for logic I 100% believe in that which I cannot see or measure: spirit, universal energy.

Today my free spirited ways took me to Sea Cliff, NY to Dreams East. One of my favorite places to go. It's surrounded by the town of Glenn Cove. It's about a half hour drive from where I live.

They were doing Aura photos again today. And of course I love having my aura photo taken.

It's so interesting to see the outer body layers caught on camera and see what energy is coming in and being sent out. The colors I saw today completely matched with what I am doing in and with my life at this time.

I walked around Sea Cliff and gave myself an energy treatment, connecting to spirit before I went to the store for my photo. I spoke to spirit and asked for my purples to still be in my aura at this time. And then I found myself saying, "OK a little rose or pink is ok too." in a very light-hearted manner, sort of when and if you have ever answered someone's question before it was asked. And as I said this I felt as though I were speaking with my grandmother. Her name was Rose.

I've never seen this box of cone incents in the store before. But today after my photo was taken I scanned the store for things I wanted and bent way way down and there was this box. Usually I don't like the scent that these manufacturers try to pass off as Rose. But I just knew I had to have this and that this was a little sign of her saying hello. I couldn't wait to burn one when I returned home and the smell was fantastic.

Here are more photos of my experience in in Sea Cliff.

This guy drives around the villiage of Sea Cliff, ringing his bell. It was such a throw back to another error I had to take a photo.

This is Connie. If you ever take the trip to Dreams East ask for her. She is always super helpful and fun.

I have wanted a sarong like this for a LONG time. Each previous trip I have never been able to find the colors and pattern that I felt pulled to purchasing. So I waited, and waited and waited.

Behind the sarong is my bookshelf with all my spiritual books and childbirth books etc... and Sadie has a habit of getting in there. I thought it would be good to get something to cover the opening to distract her from venturing in all the time.

Today this particular sarong was hanging on the store window. I had to have it. It feels so good in my home. The energy in it is amazing. And what makes this purchase even more fantastic is that it was given to me at a discount because it had a tiny tear in a place I couldn't care less about AND the store was having a sale today with all items being 10% off.

10 + Years Of Changes

I may have written some of these thoughts before, so forgive me if they are repeats.

I've taken a very personal spiritual journey which started with a physical illness in 1998 and since that time I know and feel how much I have changed.

I don't think the people who knew me back then would recognize the person I am today. Please do not get me wrong. I do not think I am super perfect, super human or have all or even most of the answers. I only know the enormous changes I have made in my personal life for myself.

I still have a temper when certain issues or hot buttons are pressed. And admittedly it can be a quick fuse. I still have a low tolerance for what I perceive to be disrespect toward me. I am perfectly fine with disagreement in a respectful way. However if on a job or even on the street someone is extremely rude and abussive I'm going to get angry.

The difference is how I choose to handle these moments. I don't always achieve the peaceful approach I would like to know I can, but I do most often now. As a 20 something I just spilled all over!

But I have been blessed to have some amazing people come into my life and show me love and acceptance which taught me about being soft and how that can also be strong.

I'm a bit more bold on my blog, because as I've said before, this is my place to get it out of me, and I know that here where you all come to check in on my personal thoughts and feelings, I have your acceptance and understanding even if we wouldn't do or say the same things. Well ok, for the most part. HAHA!

As many of you know already, my brother, my YOUNGER brother is getting married at the end of this month. We haven't been that close most of our lives and this goes deeper than just saying that. In the 80's the term was "disfunctional family" and my family completely fit that bill.

The last couple of years have been a big step in the healing process for my mother and myself and hopefully that will lead to a better healing process with my brother. As much as I don't like what I had to live as a child, I came out with my wits and strength. He shut down. He became hard. I am not even sure if there is a machine that could chip away the surface he has created around his core. I'm the lucky one because I can feel and I was willing to do it. I hated the process. I won't lie to any of you. CHANGE is painful not peaceful as we often think and hope it will be.

But so much good has come from this process. I have a really good relationship with my mother. I can have some decent conversations with my father, now that I have learned how to "work him" and I have learned to start loving and accepting myself, good, bad and ugly.

My parents didn't mean to be the people they were and I have forgiven them, just as I want the same from my brother for whatever ills he feels I imposed upon him as the mean big sister.

Funny enough, I have a lot of friends who had really bad sibling rivalry as children, much worse than what I had with my brother and now they are all very loving and close. But when you come from such dysfunction it's not surprising that at least one cannot let go or get out of his own head and memories that he has most certainly distorted to make things worse than they were.

But I digress. I have forgiven my parents and that has made things so much better for all of us.

However, families have patterns. If you are willing to open your eyes and ears, you might be surprised in how much you had no control over the life you were handed, just by realising that what you are living with your siblings is pretty much what your parents lived with theirs. Cyclical.

On my mother's side I have an Uncle that I and she haven't spoken to in 10+ years. I since I graduated college and she in about the last 10. I think it's rather sad.

For a time, it was good to be disconnected. That time gives us all the chance to regenerate and reboot. But then as souls who are certainly connected there has to be a time of healing. Sadly this has not happened and this Uncle and his children are not accepting the invitation to my brother's wedding.

I could be angry for this but instead I feel sad and also feel all things considered it's for the best. Because of the following statement made directly to my mother:
"There haven't been any positive things from your family over the last 10 years and we feel it's not in our best interest to come."

I don't feel sad for myself but for him and his family. That he is a grown man in his 60's who doesn't have a clue how to heal or find peace and still harbors the hurt and hate in his mind.



And ironically most of all he missed his opportunity to make the postive change he claims he has been seeking. For when you always point the finger at others -- you often forget there are always a few pointing back at you.

And sadly he also takes a cleaver to the truth and chops it up.

Over the last 10 years my parents have done so much for his family and at each turn my poor mother, who is battling Leukemia, but wouldn't tell you as I am, because she wouldn't want that to be an issue, has had to bear the brunt of his finger pointing ways. I was glad when she cut ties with her brother because I feared what that was doing to her physically.

Case in point: A few years ago my Uncle's Mother in Law was in a very nationally publicized car accident and was lost for many days while my cousin was on her way to visit from up North. My parents live about 20 minutes from the Mother in Law who my mother always had affection for and went to visit every now and then.

My parents learned about this woman's dissappearance because my grandparents saw a news story and called my parents asking if they knew about the situation.

My parents were shocked. They immediately called my cousin to say let me help you, what can we do and of course as parents do they did add why didn't you call us?

The mother in law was found by a road cleaning crew and turned out to recover. Her car was of course totalled.

My father had many connections with car dealers and he called one and had that person donate a completely new and free car for her.

What did my parents get? Chastized for how they treated my cousin. She complained about the message my parents left her. How could MY parents be so insensitive.

Mom continued to send the Mother in Law cards at every holiday and even went to visit her a few times after that incident. A couple of years ago, she got a letter, which I feel is just very nasty and psychically rude, asking her not to send anymore cards because she felt they really had nothing in common but my Uncle and that there was no reason to continue the relationship.

There was a time it made me really angry. I even wrote a tell off letter when graduating college to my Uncle for how he berated my mother for not inviting him to my graduation dinner.

Basically his response was to photocopy the letter and mail it to my mother telling her how she was a bad mother for allowing her (24 year old) daughter to be so disrespectful to him and also for all my spelling errors. (HA ON THAT. I DO spell horribly.)

I wrote to him because I wanted him to know that the guests were my choice and that I chose a small party for a reason and that I didn't like how he treated Mom. It was harsh in tone but I don't think horrendous, other than my bad spelling. :-) I would probably write a different letter today.

I am and have always been very sensitive to other's needs and I knew my parents were going to use credit to pay for a nice dinner at the Rainbow Room. Therefore I only invited 3 friends and my grandparents and parents and brother. And it cost them a fortune. I also didn't see the big deal in making a production as they did for my cousin who graduated that same year. A fancy invite came like it was a bat mitzvah! UGH!

The ironic thing about my letter is that it was truly unedited thought, which is EXACTLY what this Uncle does to everyone else. Today I would just write the paragraph above this one and let it stand for what it is and nothing more.

This wasn't the begining of things in this story. This is the cream in the oreo cookie. There's tons of cookie surrounding all these juicy details I write about today.

I write this in this detailed way for two reasons. One: to show the thought pattern & Two: to show the change.

10 years ago I was and would be angry and tell you off. Today I just feel so sad for him that he can't get over it, accept his part in it all and forgive and heal. It's a much more rough place to be living and while he has a good bank account and nice home I'd venture to say that my little New York rental apartment is a much better place to live.

Don't Speak Spanish To Me!

Today at Wendy's --- YES I went to the fast food joint and bought food...so sue me ok?...I ordered a number one with cheese.

When they handed it to me they said, " Numero uno con queso."

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Did I order the damn shit food in Spanish? NO! Did any Spanish words come out of my mouth? NO!

It's not racist to not only want but to expect people in a business situation to speak English...to YOU the customer. PERIOD!

I became very good friends with a H.S. exchange student from Mexico way way back. We stayed in touch for many years after school. She came to visit me on a few occassions here in NYC. Walking in the subway she was approached in SPANISH. They didn't ask her they just started speaking Spanish. She was so off put by the experience and told me so.

I feel the same way. It's become fashionable to call someone with my feelings on this matter racist. PISH TOSH! I grew up here. I was born here. My parents and grandparents were born here. My great grandparents were NOT born here. They didn't speak English. No one catered to them. I have books with the most broken English inscribed in them from my great grandfather to my grandfather upon his graduation of H.S. He was so proud of him. He made every damn effort to speak English. WHY? VALUES!

This is all about values and not race or ethnicity. The values of this country and ALL that have come before this latest wave of immigrants, have always valued the culture of THIS country. They came here because they wanted to be a part of our culture that we created that was different and seen as better --not perfect, than where they came from. They were fleeing repressive governments. They realized they were for the most part accepted with open arms and were merely guests in this country. They wanted to honor those that allowed such a thing to happen at all. They knew this concept of letting in those from elsewhere was pretty much unheard of where they came from. They valued what was given to them here.

The recent immigrants have a very different value system. Where it comes from I do not know? Because my friend from Mexico doesn't share it with them and she is a native Spanish speaker and tri-lingual. But there is a strong sense of entitlement and with that comes the feeling that they should be able to speak their language and that I, the native person should have to learn their ways. PISH EFFING TOSH! Enough. ENOUGH OF THIS.

I've dated many hispanic men in my life. I loved one dearly. I wrote about that in my post here.
The notion of racisism is just silliness and a way to scare good people into silence. SCREW THAT SHIT. I can speak SPANISH. In fact the next time someone speaks to me in Espanol while I am at a store, who isn't my intimate friend, I am going to tell them the following, cayate tu boca y diga me in Ingles. Tu eres en los estados unidos ahora.

BITE ME!

I Want THIS Car

The manufacturer will be taking orders starting mid 2009. The cost of this car is expected around $17,000. Still a bit high for my budget but in reality pretty average. The car can get equivilant of 108 miles per gallon. It does take gas but basically it would cost $2 to fill the entire tank.

How can that be? It runs on compressed AIR!!!





This thing seems awesome. So if any of you want to pool your cash and get me this fantastic car for my 40th birthday...that's just under 3 years away! HURRAY!

It's set to hold 6 people by the time they start taking orders. So this model isn't the exact one I want...just in case you are placing that order for my birthday, I thought I should let you know the model I'd like.

For Lee

For Lee who loves kitty cat photos and is probably mortified about my dating posts this week.
;-)

KC on the window sill



KC and Leo snuggle with Sadie in the background

8 Was ALWAYS My Favorite Number

Today is 8-8-08.

As a little girl I always loved the number eight. When pressed for a reason I could never give one. I liked the way it looked and just felt it was my favorite.

I played soccer in my town for many years. As all the girls screamed and begged for their jersey to be number 7 I wanted 8. No other takers. Woohoo!

In recent years I learned about the power of 8 and the significance of 8 in numerology and it all came together for me.

Sometimes in the moment we cannot know the reasons why but if we wait and don't force the universe the answers will present.

See what my paper says about the number 8. Click on the image to read the paper.

My Walk Around NYC

My fotos for Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta!

The view from the 35th floor at 44 Street and Third Avenue facing West.

Click on the above foto for a larger view and you'll get to see the window washers at the top of one of the buildings. NEAT!

Lexington Avenue in the 30's.
Some guy at Madison Square Park at the corner of 23rd Street and Park Avenue South.

To his credit he did clean up.

Parks Dept. electric carts.
A NYC Pedicab. Corner of Park Avenue South and 23rd Street.

Under the sidewalk, below the street -- construction at 20th Street and Fifth Avenue.

One of many good reasons to immediately wash your hands when you get off the train.