Mute Monday - YES THEY GOT A WAFFLE IRON!

8 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Yahoo has an interesting link to an article about affair-proofing your marriage.

Normally I open these articles and it is full of fluff and junk and what I feel is obvious. Then I think "SHIT I could have written that and made a nice buck!"

Today however I actually thought this writer made some good points and explained her points WELL.

Out of the 8 the one that really popped out at me was the following:

2. Recognize the Drug: Depressives and addicts are especially prone to affairs because of the head rush that comes with infatuation. The spikes in dopamine and norepinephrine we experience upon connecting with someone new fools us into thinking that the sexy man or attractive woman at the bar holds the key to our nirvana and the end to our problems. This is the same as, say, the high from cocaine. Recognizing that that rush is not real, meaningful, or lasting, can help a married person to "just say no."

From experience as a single past mid-thirtysomething, THIS is the biggest problem out there when trying to date.

It seems to me that the ones that realize her number 2 are the ones coupled up or married and most of the ones left are chasing this high, addicted to it and unfortunately leave nice women like myself in a statistical position of being involved with way more men who put us in this position than we'd like and feeling for far too long, mistreated and hurt.

And this leaves the brain stressed.

The more stress we experience around these situations the harder it is for OUR brains to get away from the thoughts around it, expecting it again and it becomes a cyclical pattern, even if only in our minds, replaying the horrible feelings.

A recent Harvard study in pregnant women experiencing high levels of stress showed that the babies of these women had higher levels of immunoglobulin E or IgE — an immune system compound. "This further supports the notion that stress can be thought of as a social pollutant that, when 'breathed' into the body, may influence the body's immune response," Wright (Harvard researcher) said in a statement. They found children who had undergone maltreatment — such as maternal rejection, harsh discipline and sexual abuse — had twice the levels of inflammation in their blood even 20 years later.

The average 30-40 something single has been dating for 15-20 years. If a single person keeps experiencing such behavior and treatment over a prolonged period of time, hence at least one of the reasons why they have chosen to stay single rather than marrying someone with that behavior toward them, it can be easily concluded that their blood levels have higher immunoglobulin E too.

And perhaps that chemical level causes many to chase that high to feel better.

Well those are just my thoughts. Now I'd like to read yours.

What Your Car Color Reveals About Your Psyche

First I find a story about how they rate cats' personalities and now they are rating us by the color of our car. Hmmm

My car is dark blue.

The full story is here.

WHAM! POW! BATMAN

I caught this on video a few weeks ago in midtown Manhattan.

Take A Hike!

I participated in the walking group again, today, and here are two photos from the venture.

This is a group of us waiting before the walk.

And here we are, OUR BETTER SIDES (haha) walking in the park.

In case you can't figure out who I am...look for the silly pink hat again.

I Am Articulate... THANK YOU!

"Are you Jewish?", asks Barbara Ellen one of the characters in the current production of The New Century playing at the Newhouse Theater in Lincoln Center.

"Why because I am opinionated AND articulate?" answers Linda Lavin's character, Helene.


I heard that Barack Obama thinks that being called articulate is offensive. Phishaw!

I have recently been described that way and I like it! I believe it is accurate. I am articulate and probably much like Helene, opinionated which makes blogging the perfect outlet for me.

And I think the fact that I am so articulate throws off many people, especially when I was younger and in high school. I had a hard time in school and was told I was smart but lazy. But now at almost 37, I realize it wasn't entirely true. I was smart, but not lazy. I did end up going to college. I worked hard to get through and loved it but the truth is I really wasn't college material and there wasn't much available for a person like me.

Now however there is. In NYC there is a program called CTE (career and technical education.) These schools provide what we used to call Vocational Education. I remember the stigma of not wanting to be "one of those kids". But "those kids" are probably making way more money than I ever earned, being pushed to be a college bound and never quite feeling like I fit in.

I don't write about my work here because much of what I do write is so personal and I would not be thrilled to have clients search my name and read about my dating screw-ups. But what I will tell you is that I am a person who lives off the grid. I heard this term recently by someone I am partnering with in a business venture and I love that description.

I live off the grid!

I found work that I love FINALLY about three years ago. It's not corporate at all and it's not always steady work, YET, but I love it. But there are moments I can't help wonder what if they had this kind of program when I was in school? Would I have started this work back then and have been more financially stable at this stage in my life? Would I have felt emotionally more secure and happier earlier in my life? And would those things have enabled me to feel secure enough in me that I might have found my partner in life and had a family by now?

Who can say for sure? But I am glad to learn that kids today are not jammed into a one-size fits all educational mentality and perhaps find their passion and purpose in life earlier than I did.

A Personality Test For Your Cat

Many of you know that I recently adopted a special needs kitty and after much emotional manipulation from the rescue agency I decided to keep him. He and I are finally getting the hang of each other and I am glad I decided to keep him. If you want to read more about that saga you can go to Leo's own blog.

Anyway...I found this story today and I thought it was an interesting concept. Shelters are now using personality tests to match up adopters and adoptees.

Good Idea!

Strange Overheard Conversation

I read about a similar topic on one of the blogs I read, and just can't remember who's blog. If it was yours, please comment and I will add your blog name and link here in the actual post. It was about overheard conversations. That blog wrote about a pretty spicey conversation at a DIY store between lovers.

Mine wasn't so juicy but oh so odd.

Last night while walking to a night gig I do from time to time I hear the following behind me and I although I never turned around I could tell that these two guys are pretty young from the tone of their voices:

"Yes, yes I am going to retired in five years"
"Then why are you so upset? Who cares man if your are going to retire in five years."
"Yes, I am going to retire in five years. But I can't constantly take hearing that I am a moron. I can't handle that even if I am going to retire in five years."

I have no idea if these guys were brothers, lovers, co-workers, best friends.

(Young and can retire in five years????)

All I could think was, ARE YOU SINGLE and AVAILABLE?

Perfectionism

I am reading about this term and found a very interesting page where the author writes about her own life as a perfectionist and what it cost her.

One of the first things she says is:
"it's this very attempt to please others that has caused so much distress in my life."

And I am just stuck on that sentence. TOTALLY STUCK! Because it seems to sum up me!

I can't say I am a perfectionist in every area of my life. But when it comes to relationships I believe what I am reading would cover me. I never feel I am good enough and that if I screw up I will not be accepted. Hmmm.

I remember when I was a kid feeling that what I did was never enough. I wasn't a great student and there were many arguments much like those commercials you see on television today for those learning centers, where the mom says to the kid, "We punished you..." etc. and nothing is working and the kid says,"You think I want to fail?"

While Mom would say differently, I remember always feeling that my brother was the golden child. Pretty much the only time I ever impressed my mother was with manners, like always saying "thank you". In fact, I remember my mother telling someone else how polite I was that even if she gave me a food item I would always say thank you. I can't even tell you who she spoke to or how old I was, but I will NEVER forget that assessment of me. And to this day I will still do that because I know Mom liked it and her approval was important to me.

I also remember getting positive feedback if I would clean for her without her asking. Many a time I would tell my parents that I didn't want to go on an outing with them and my brother. They would come back to see I had cleaned the kitched, washed the floor etc.

It was those times I would receive praise.

When I did things I wanted or asked to do things I wanted just for me, I was often denied based on my parents feelings about how what I would do would affect them. I wanted so much to be a working actor, but according to mom I would end up like "one of those kids from Different Strokes" and she wasn't going to have that in her home."

It's deeper than I can properly explain in writing but the bare bones are there.

Funny enough, Mom has taken to telling me lately while chatting on the phone that "you don't have to be perfect."

Yes, Mom. I know this now. But the 37 years of opposite reinforcement ain't so easy to just correct overnight.

I'll write more on this later. Penny for your thoughts?

My Sister-In-Law's Bridal Shower

I am fulfilling my blog reading obligations and finally got around to The Junk Drawer today.

Kathy wrote about the silly gifts people register for. I found her post ironic because I just finished buying bridal shower gifts for my sister in law. My brother is getting married on August 31, 2008.

The bro and I have never been very close and I barely know his bride. I have met her three times and she seems very pleasant and nice. But seriously what do you get for someone you barely know and have little relationship with. What are the obligations?

My mother thinks I should be buying something off their gift registry. I lean more to the sentiment that Kathy writes about. Most of the time people sign up for things they would never buy for themselves, are wacky expensive and will end up in the couple's closets.

But to go past that, my brother is 34 and has been living on his own since college. His bride just sold her condo to move in with him and put all her items in storage. So why am I buying them more stuff?

It used to be that men and women married much younger, often right out of their parents homes and had nothing. Wedding gifts were to help the happy couple get started.

My brother and his fiance have two of everything now. They just put all her stuff in storage and are selling his place and buying a town home.

I know my gifts, which I have purposely not disclosed to my mother, makes her nervous. Will I embarras her? Oh such a horror for mom!

This is what I decided to do. I bought a really pretty decorated box from Laytners and inside are a few things just for the bride. Everything has a symbolic meaning.

1- a blue garter for their first day and dance as husband and wife, fulfilling the something blue nonsense
2- a gift certificate to Victorias Secret (because buying the items for her is just too icky to think about -- this is my brother's fiance we are talking about folks)
3- a pretty photo holder that says "I Do" tastefully for their first photo as husband and wife
4- a red pouch from Layla Rowe to hold their first monies together, often collected at the wedding as gifts
5 - a blue bead bracelet also from Layla Rowe, so she always has something pretty to wear just for her
6- a ceramic serving dish for appetizers (so they always have food on their table)
7- a pregnancy book by Ina May Gaskin that every expecting mother should read, before she becomes pregnant
8- and last but certainly not least... EAR PLUGS (for their first fight)

Mute Monday

Mute Monday

The Walking Group

This is the group I went walking with in Forest Park yesterday. Yes, that is me in the silly pink hat my brother bought for me at the US Golf Open two years ago.

(The following information was taken from the NYC Department of parks website.)

Forest Park is a huge park in Queens. Forest Park is the third largest park in Queens. It is surrounded by five ethnically diverse neighborhoods, Richmond Hill, Kew Gardens, Forest Hills, Woodhaven, and Glendale.

It is heavily forested and filled with song birds, rabbits, and quail. On August 9, 1895, the first parcel of land in what would later become Forest Park was purchased. Because of the numerous landowners involved, the park had to be procured in 124 parcels. When the last of the 538 acres of land was obtained in 1898, Brooklyn and Queens were part of New York City.

There is a golf course, clubhouse, bandshell and a greenhouse. The western portion of the park has softball fields, tennis courts, basketball courts,bocce courts, horseshoe pitches, and shuffleboard area. Victory Field sports complex - a 13.5-acre outdoor, athletic facility dedicated to the veterans of World War I - opened in the eastern park in 1927. It features a 400-meter track, handball courts, and facilities for pole vaulting, broad jumping, shot put, and discus throwing.

The eastern park offers a serene setting, as hiking trails and 7 miles of bridle paths traverse the area's northern forest, gully, and pine grove. Horses, which can be hired at two private stables, provide a fun way to survey the environment. Those who prefer to travel by foot have their choice among three designated hiking trails. The .5-mile red trail, 1.5-mile yellow trail, and 1.75-mile blue trail introduce park visitors to the natural wonders of the park.

The work projects administration laid road, built recreational facilities, and installed park paths. Forest Park is one of the last natural densely forested parks in New York City, abundant not only with vegetation, but wildlife and knob-and-kettle topography.

Environmental features of the park are plentiful. Kettle holes, knobs, boulders, and a rocky terrain are remnants of the region's glacial past. With specimens over 150 years old, the 413 acres of native red and white oak forest is another natural attraction of the park. After exploring the largest continuous oak forest in the country, arboreal-minded citizens can walk through the pine grove, a stand whose beginnings can be traced to the planting of 2,500 trees in 1914.

Happy Mother's Day

To all the mom's who read my blog,

Happy Mother's Day!

Catching You Up

It's been raining heavy in NYC all day. My hair is paying the price :0

I've been laying low so to speak and haven't felt like anything very interesting is happening to write about other than the sad saga of Leo over at his own blog. On that blog I am putting up the email exchanges between the rescue organization and myself to stand as a testiment to their lies and deceit hoping it become searchable in google and that someone in the NYC goverment takes notice of the mishandling of the situation and misappropriations of tax payer money.

Because of their lack of proper treatment of Leo, I have decided to keep him, even though he is a very special needs cat and will cost me a lot of money to keep on the proper medications for the remainder of his life. Leo is only about one year old. I am seeing good results and he deserves a nice home, with organic food and a loving mommy. And he has it.

Drowsey did a fun post today about keywords that bring people to her blog. I had been thinking about doing a similar post for a while. At some point I will list the exact totals but off the top of my head I know the two phrases most often used that result in finding my blog are "how to screw women" and "why men marry bitches". And what I find even more ironic is that the "screw women" search brings them directly to my post about Drowsey.

I joined a bunch of meetup.com groups recently and I am going to a walking group in my neighborhood for the first time, on Saturday morning...that is is this rain will stop. I am really excited to finally participate.

I am wondering if meetup.com is as popular in your part of the world as it is in mine. What groups do you belong to and how do you find people with the same interests as you to socialize with outside of the blogosphere?

Happy Birthday Israel

The following is an article written by Mona Charen about the birth of the State of Israel.


Sixty is pretty old for a country. Consider that by the time the United States was 60 (counting from the conclusion of the War of Independence), the year was 1843. We'd already had 10 presidents, had nearly quadrupled the size of the nation, and were on our way to becoming a world power. As with the histories of all nations, our birth was not without sins and crimes. The Indians paid a dear price for our expansion, as did the slaves. But this does not (keening college professors notwithstanding) delegitimize the entire enterprise called the United States of America. In fact, our capacity to acknowledge our faults is one aspect of our national honor.

Israel is celebrating its 60th birthday, but alone among the nations of the world, its legitimacy and right to exist continue to be considered matters of debate. Israel, like the U.S., is willing to be self-critical (sometimes to extremes), but this fair-mindedness seems to float on a different plane from the vituperation and defamation that is hurled at Israel from so many directions.
In 2001, most of the world's nations convened a conference on racism in South Africa. The United States withdrew after it became obvious that the conference on racism was itself racist. Condemnations of Israel dominated the proceedings, and the handouts available in the lobby featured caricatures worthy of Der Sturmer: hook-nosed Jews with Palestinian blood on their hands surrounded by bags of money.

So even now, even after triumphing over so much adversity in its all too eventful first 60 years, Israel is not considered a normal country. The campaign of delegitimization launched by its enemies has succeeded to a tremendous degree in persuading ordinary people that Israel was conceived in sin. That sin was the dispossession of the Palestinians, the rightful inhabitants of the land now called Israel. Second only to the claim that Iran seeks nuclear power for peaceful purposes, this is the most sinister lie in circulation.

There has been a continuous Jewish population in Israel since Biblical times. There have been difficulties maintaining a large Jewish presence in Jerusalem through the millennia — there was, for example, a bit of unpleasantness with the Romans around the year 70. But Jerusalem has been a majority Jewish city since the 1860s. In 1914, the British estimated that the city contained 45,000 Jews out of a total population of 65,000.

When the U.N. partitioned the British Mandate territories into a Jewish and an Arab state in 1947, the Jewish section held 538,000 Jews and 397,000 Arabs.

Jerusalem, with its 100,000 Jews, did not count, as the U.N. proposed to make it an international city separate from the Jewish state. As Alan Dershowitz has pointed out, those who claim that Israel was created out of a majority Arab region are counting the Arabs who lived in what was then called Transjordan as well as the West Bank and Gaza.


The U.N. partition plan gave the Arabs more arable land than the Jews and gave the Jewish state a painfully slender nine-mile wasp waist. Nevertheless, the Jews agreed to the partition. The Arabs rejected it and went to war to extirpate the Jewish presence.

In the war that followed, Egypt grabbed Gaza and Jordan took the West Bank. There was no talk then of ceding these territories to the "Palestinian" people for a new Arab state. They were merely called Arab refugees and, unlike the equal number of Jewish refugees who fled into Israel from Arab countries, they were denied citizenship, rights, and freedoms by their Arab brethren. They were left to fester in camps overseen by the U.N.

The Jews fled Arab nations because of persecution. Why did the Arabs flee the new Jewish state? (Note, many remained and became citizens of Israel.)

Writing in the most recent issue of Commentary, Efraim Karsh reviews some of the new evidence that has come to light about the events of 1948. Not only did the Jews not force the Arabs out of their homes, they made many vain efforts to persuade them to stay put. The 6,000 Arabs of Tiberias, in a typical example, were forced to leave by their own leaders, over strenuous objections from Jewish leaders.

It may be that the local Arabs were urging their people to flee in order to spare them in what they expected would be a genocidal rout of the Jews. Fawzi Qawuqji, a leader of the Arab Liberation Army, vowed to "drive all Jews into the sea." Having tried and failed repeatedly to annihilate the Jews (an ideal the Palestinians have yet to forsake), they labor mightily to discredit the state of Israel, and that, one must sadly reflect, has been wildly successful.

Some Comic Relief

After all that I have had to go through with Leo I really needed some comic relief. And then I saw this in my neighborhood. I HAD to stop and take a photo.

Special Blog About Leo

Hello Loyal Blog Readers! For the past few days I have been going through some very complicated moments with Leo, the new kitty I recently adopted.

Please follow the link here to a new blog specifically to address the situation. Because this blog is so personal in nature I feel it is best to address the issues but not have it associated publicly with my personal blogging stories.

I do ask that you go and read the posts I write over there and put your feedback loud and clear on that page.

This poor little guy and I deserve better than what we were given and your comments will help give muscle to his situation.

I am sorry for the vagueness at this time. However, in reading that new blog page it will become quite evident why I am vague here about it.

Thank you all in advance.

Nice Pair Of Scissors!

Check out this five-year-old's drawing of scissors at Totally Pissed Off's blog.

If my Ex's scissors were that size maybe I wouldn't have been so quick to can his sorry ass.

NYC Subway Map

I LOVE subway maps of NYC. I am sure I have a few versions still in my closet somewhere that made the recent apartment move with me (I hope.)

Hanging in my bathroom is the Official NYC Subway Map. And yes, I do consult it from time to time before heading out. I think it is cool.

Apparently the 1972 map designed by Massimo Vignelli is being reissued and updated. Click here to see a version of it. Although considered beautiful people often got lost trying to use it. So it was updated in 1979 to include the names of neighborhoods and landmarks.

Arteeeeeeeeests!

Best And Worst Cities For Commuters

What's your mode of transportation in your city?

OUTRAGEOUS!

Drowsey had an interesting post about Kiva yesterday. If you don't follow her blog let me catch you up on her a little. She is single, middle-aged, divorced and drives an old car. Her follies with keeping this old car running can be quite interesting to read.



Even with all her financial woes she donates money to KIVA. Please visit her page for that information. It sounds like a nice thing, but I am not ready to endorse it here at this time.



What wows me is that as little as she has, and as much a financial struggle she has as a single woman who doesn't have the help of a spouse, she takes whatever she can and gives it to someone across the world. Someone she doesn't know.



And I think this is great!



There's in another part of me that gets a little peeved at this. Hear me out first. We hear so much from politicians about doing our part. How we should tighten our belts, help our neighbors, and they preach social responsibility to us! I am sure Drowsey heard these lessons from teachers and family and friends as a part of her society's values, growing up.



And it is noble and good.



But when the onus is put on the little person to achieve this thereby thwarting not only responsibility but deflecting attention from our government officials we elect to take care of us properly, so that they can missappropriate funds, vote themselves Cost of Living raises each year as well as enacting laws that give them huge perks and health benefits for life, there is not only gross misjustice but gross imbalance!

In the New York Times article on May 1, 2008 and the New York Daily News article on April 29, 2008 we learn that while gas prices soar, jobs are lost, people can't pay their mortgages and forclosures are at an all time high, rent in NYC are outrageous where people are forced to prove that they earn 40 x their annual income to rent a pathetic little apartment, our government officials are receiving huge perks they voted themselves to have legally. All while they ask the little people to tighten their belts, buy less gas, spend more for basic needs such as food. People are now resorting to selling their belonging on Craigslist.

I did some math. Let's see if you find this as pathetically unjust as I do? I am keeping this local as I am a Queens gal :-)

According to wikipedia the median income in Queens is $37,439 per household and $42,608 for a family and 16% of families and 21.6% of it's population live below the poverty line.

Poverty line as per wikipedia: "Since the 1960s, the United States Government has defined poverty in absolute terms. When the Johnson administration declared "war on poverty" in 1964, it chose an absolute measure. The "absolute poverty line" is the threshold below which families or individuals are considered to be lacking the resources to meet the basic needs for healthy living; having insufficient income to provide the food, shelter and clothing needed to preserve health...The Department of Agriculture found that families of three or more persons spent about one third of their after-tax income on food. For these families, poverty thresholds were set at three times the cost of the economy food plan. Different procedures were used for calculating poverty thresholds for two-person households and persons living alone. Annual updates of the SSA poverty thresholds were based on price changes in the economy food plan.
Two changes were made to the poverty definition in 1969. Thresholds for non-farm families were tied to annual changes in the Consumer Price Index (CPI) rather than changes in the cost of the economy food plan. Farm thresholds were raised from 70 to 85% of the non-farm levels...In 1981, further changes were made to the poverty definition. Separate thresholds for "farm" and "female-householder" families were eliminated. The largest family size category became "nine persons or more."

Ready? Household of:
1
$10,400


2
$14,000


3
$17,600


4
$21,200


5
$24,800


6
$28,400


7
$32,000


8
$35,600


For each additional person, add
$3,600

In Queens from About.com the average rent as of 3/3/2005 for a 3 bedroom apartment was $1750. I can tell you that it is way more than this average. I have a one bedroom and I pay $1100 a month and I do not have a seperate kitchen. (mind you I am not complaining) But going on About.com's average if that is correct than this is just about 50% of the median income each family has totally about $21,000 a year on rent alone.

While my State is strapped for cash, and my mayor is asking for budget cuts to the police department where the starting salary is already about $300 a week for newbie officers, I learned that the Assembly and Senate appropriate about $170 million a year that they allow the members to distribute as grants to any organization they wish anyway they want with little to no requirement as to how or accountability of where they divy the money to.

$170 million dollars! I bet half that could help the police department for at least a years worth of salaries.

On a national level I learned that as of 2008 Senators earn the salary of $169,300. A Representative earns $165,200 annually. President Pro Tempore and Speaker, Majority and Minority Leaders earn more. The Speaker earns $212,100 as of 1/3/2007 and party leaders earn $183, 500. They voted themselves an automatic COLA, cost of living adjustment each year. After serving five years in Congress they can retire with full benefits, healthcare and pension and social security.

If the average Queens family earns $42,608 then those fat cats are already earning about 4 times what we do in Queens. And they have the audacity to get a COLA!

What do they have to do with this salary they earn? Pretty much NOTHING.

According to the Times article ( link above ) Charles Rangle of the House Ways and Means Committee rents on tax payer dollars a 2004 Cadillac DeVille for $777.54 a month and brangs about having a desk inside. He says, "I want them (my constituants) to feel that they are somebody and their congressman is somebody."

You can view the article to see the rest of the luxury amounts they spend.

According to the Times 125 members of the House make use of this benefit.

But wait...there's more. They also receive free gas and insurance and registration fees and excess milage charges all paid for on taxpayer dollar.

But hey, you little person do your part, eat less, buy less gas, and give to charities all over the world. VROOM VROOOM!